Recently, I learned of an IVF Mom who lost custody of her twins when very ill. Allison Quets is being attacked and said to not be the mother of the babies she conceived and carried because she used donor gametes. This is so wrong, and I thought other IVFers would want to support her and share their position on IVF and donor conceptions.
Her story is at:
www.allisonquets.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allison_Lee_Quets
Look at the discussion here:
http://familypreservation.blogspot.com/ ... pport.html
Please offer Allison your support. She doesn't deserve to be away from her babies and to have their very existence attacked because she used technology.
Thank you,
Megs
IVF mom trying to regain custody
I live in the same area that the kidnapping occurred and there's a lot more to that story than just her side. In fact, the story that she & her family are spinning has a lot of holes & half truths in it. That's why the legal system has consistently ruled against her. It's not because she used donor eggs at all.
She gave those babies up for adoption at a couple of months of age, even shopped around for the highest bidder. I mean, can any of you who have been through all this IVF torture ever in a million years imagine yourself going through the adoption process for SEVERAL weeks, go to a lawyers office & sign papers, go home for 3 days, then give up your babies???? I understand she had second thoughts almost immediately, but come on. This was a 49 year old woman, not a young girl in trouble.
I feel sorry for the adoptive parents who weren't aware that they were dealing with a mentally unstable birth mother.
Now her supporters are trying to drum up support & sympathy because she has no legal case. I'm sorry, I have no sympathy for her.
2ndtimer
She gave those babies up for adoption at a couple of months of age, even shopped around for the highest bidder. I mean, can any of you who have been through all this IVF torture ever in a million years imagine yourself going through the adoption process for SEVERAL weeks, go to a lawyers office & sign papers, go home for 3 days, then give up your babies???? I understand she had second thoughts almost immediately, but come on. This was a 49 year old woman, not a young girl in trouble.
I feel sorry for the adoptive parents who weren't aware that they were dealing with a mentally unstable birth mother.
Now her supporters are trying to drum up support & sympathy because she has no legal case. I'm sorry, I have no sympathy for her.
2ndtimer
Hi Everyone, My point in "drumming up support" is to bring others who know the IVF process into the discussion of what is a family, what is motherhood. I found that blog and was stunned to see many who think Quets isn't even the natural mother. The organization behind the blog is active in working on legislation and is working to define motherhood and family in a genetics only way, which puts all in the infertility community at risk in some way. We all deserve a voice in the debate on what is a mother, don't you think? Whatever your opinion on Quets you probably have something to say on the donor issue. That's why I posted here, where I usually lurk.
2ndtimer, that's exactly the point. No one goes through this hell to relinquish babies. And if you read the comment section on the blog I posted, you'll see that people are actually saying she isn't the mother because of the donor conception, so it is a concern in the case for some and one I think others here could truly answer to and speak out about.
You live in the area the prospective adopters live in, so I'm guessing the spin you are seeing is your own media. I am not in any area near Quets or the Needhams, and I read news from all over the country and in FL and NC. I don't see spin from her supporters, just efforts to get her story publicized....and her story is heartbreaking...she was so very ill and nearly died twice. That's got to take its toll on a woman...and the disease impacts decision making according to the HG Foundation (www.hyperemesis.org) if the symptoms cannot be controlled. Quets nearly died twice, but not once did she allow a termination or early inducement to save herself...she carried as long as the twins would stay inside, which is a statement of her devotion to them. Twin pregnancies are not for the faint hearted...a friend just delivered twins and had a healthy normal pregnancy, and she was a wreck at 5-6 weeks postpartum. Quets gained 10 pounds in a twin pregnancy...my friend gained 60. That kind of weight loss has serious results.
Shopping for the highest bidder is just sillly. She didn't do any baby selling, and it's silly to say she did anything for cash...seriously. She's spent tons of money to regain custody. She made the mistake of contacting attorneys that have a long history of unethical and coercive practices...she called them for guardianship information, and off they went trying to sell her babies. Everything I've seen has the attorneys doing the selling.
And on Wikipedia there is a timeline of events...and she was 5 weeks postpartum when she was held in the attorney's office for 11 hours. That's awful. At 5 weeks, every mother is a mess of exhaustion. Take one that nearly died twice and has preemies, and what do you expect to have her do when she is sent home without help or supports. And come on, she had visitation with them and travelled...that's not kidnapping. She's their mother, their natural mother.
The problems are with the adoption industry...the social worker who didn't do what is by law required...offer all options to the natural mother. (forgive my frustration with some in my field, but this makes me very upset.)
The problems are with the attorneys who make profit for placing children.
The problems are with people who, like some of the commenters at that blog, think donor conceived children are not the children of the women who carry them. That's what I think we IVFers need to speak out against...that donor conception undoes a woman's motherhood.
Am I trying to drum up support? Yes, of course I am. Quets deserves it. And having dealt with family law in my state, I can say that the rulings are not necessarily based on what is right or what is just and the best interests of the children gets lost in the process too often. Technicalities frequently become the issue in family law, so with sealed decisions, we will never know the truth of the judges' reasons.
Did you see the show on Primetime (or one of the news shows)? Video of Quets playing with the babies. Then video of her telling them it was time to go...the haunting look on her little son's face...that is not a child that wants to be away from his mother. I have seen children who are unhappy with their mother, and Tyler Quets loves his mother, Allison, fiercely.
Quets is willing to die for her children. Can we all say the same? I can, but she can actually prove she is willing to...that's a mother. That's what I object to in this...she is a mother who was sick and isolated and pushed.
2ndtimer, that's exactly the point. No one goes through this hell to relinquish babies. And if you read the comment section on the blog I posted, you'll see that people are actually saying she isn't the mother because of the donor conception, so it is a concern in the case for some and one I think others here could truly answer to and speak out about.
You live in the area the prospective adopters live in, so I'm guessing the spin you are seeing is your own media. I am not in any area near Quets or the Needhams, and I read news from all over the country and in FL and NC. I don't see spin from her supporters, just efforts to get her story publicized....and her story is heartbreaking...she was so very ill and nearly died twice. That's got to take its toll on a woman...and the disease impacts decision making according to the HG Foundation (www.hyperemesis.org) if the symptoms cannot be controlled. Quets nearly died twice, but not once did she allow a termination or early inducement to save herself...she carried as long as the twins would stay inside, which is a statement of her devotion to them. Twin pregnancies are not for the faint hearted...a friend just delivered twins and had a healthy normal pregnancy, and she was a wreck at 5-6 weeks postpartum. Quets gained 10 pounds in a twin pregnancy...my friend gained 60. That kind of weight loss has serious results.
Shopping for the highest bidder is just sillly. She didn't do any baby selling, and it's silly to say she did anything for cash...seriously. She's spent tons of money to regain custody. She made the mistake of contacting attorneys that have a long history of unethical and coercive practices...she called them for guardianship information, and off they went trying to sell her babies. Everything I've seen has the attorneys doing the selling.
And on Wikipedia there is a timeline of events...and she was 5 weeks postpartum when she was held in the attorney's office for 11 hours. That's awful. At 5 weeks, every mother is a mess of exhaustion. Take one that nearly died twice and has preemies, and what do you expect to have her do when she is sent home without help or supports. And come on, she had visitation with them and travelled...that's not kidnapping. She's their mother, their natural mother.
The problems are with the adoption industry...the social worker who didn't do what is by law required...offer all options to the natural mother. (forgive my frustration with some in my field, but this makes me very upset.)
The problems are with the attorneys who make profit for placing children.
The problems are with people who, like some of the commenters at that blog, think donor conceived children are not the children of the women who carry them. That's what I think we IVFers need to speak out against...that donor conception undoes a woman's motherhood.
Am I trying to drum up support? Yes, of course I am. Quets deserves it. And having dealt with family law in my state, I can say that the rulings are not necessarily based on what is right or what is just and the best interests of the children gets lost in the process too often. Technicalities frequently become the issue in family law, so with sealed decisions, we will never know the truth of the judges' reasons.
Did you see the show on Primetime (or one of the news shows)? Video of Quets playing with the babies. Then video of her telling them it was time to go...the haunting look on her little son's face...that is not a child that wants to be away from his mother. I have seen children who are unhappy with their mother, and Tyler Quets loves his mother, Allison, fiercely.
Quets is willing to die for her children. Can we all say the same? I can, but she can actually prove she is willing to...that's a mother. That's what I object to in this...she is a mother who was sick and isolated and pushed.
Well, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. But I still stand by my points that this woman didnt "lose custody" She willingly signed it away after several weeks of consideration, after interviewing several sets of adoptive parents, etc. Then after doing that, instead of letting the courts decide custody she took the children to Canada. Maybe she just panicked, but that IS kidnapping. Just ask any parent who looses a child to another parent who decides to skip the country. It doesn't matter that she is the biological parent.
I agree that there are a lot of very, very ignorant people out there who don't understand what using donor eggs is all about. But that's not what this case is about. Can honestly say that you could go through IVF and then just your children away???? Something is wrong with that woman. I don't care what she went through.
Again, no disrespect at all to you or your particular IVF journey. I was just trying to point out that this case is not about donor eggs, it is about a woman who made questionable decisions & then broke the law.
2ndtimer
I agree that there are a lot of very, very ignorant people out there who don't understand what using donor eggs is all about. But that's not what this case is about. Can honestly say that you could go through IVF and then just your children away???? Something is wrong with that woman. I don't care what she went through.
Again, no disrespect at all to you or your particular IVF journey. I was just trying to point out that this case is not about donor eggs, it is about a woman who made questionable decisions & then broke the law.
2ndtimer
Right. The people on that blog don't get it with IVF...that's why I posted it here...and some info on the case to give people background. There are posters there that are using the donor conception as the reason Allison shouldn't have the twins. 
That's messed up. That's why I think someone like yourself should really post there to add to the discussion...you don't support Quets but you don't think the reasoning others are using makes sense. It would be strong to hear your view
HG can impair reasoning and decision making, and when you are newly postpartum, severely malnurished, and have ex-boyfriend or whoever arranging placement of your children so you can continue to raise his grandchild (ya, she was parenting the Needham's cousins grandchild, or some such connection), then what chance is there for you?
A friend had HG, and she was so sick she terminated...well, the doctors did because she was in a coma...not kidding. This is a serious illness and I'm not surprised to read the posts that say Quets had no ability to make decisions. Makes sense after seeing my friend decline like she did. Thankfully, she is alive today...but she must live without her baby....that's a hell no one want or invites. It seems that Quets has proven in the last year (or two is it?) that she wants to parent, intended to parent, and got too sick to do it alone initially.
My big question is where were the social workers in this case?
Definitely we can disagree about Quets. My personal experience with my friend's illness definitely is not something I wish on anyone else, and I think getting up close to this HG thing is really the only way anyone could understand why Quets didn't fight off the adoption vultures. But the donor issue is just really frustrating for me. How can she carry and birth twins and be the natural mother by law but have people say she is not the mother.
That's messed up. That's why I think someone like yourself should really post there to add to the discussion...you don't support Quets but you don't think the reasoning others are using makes sense. It would be strong to hear your viewHG can impair reasoning and decision making, and when you are newly postpartum, severely malnurished, and have ex-boyfriend or whoever arranging placement of your children so you can continue to raise his grandchild (ya, she was parenting the Needham's cousins grandchild, or some such connection), then what chance is there for you?
A friend had HG, and she was so sick she terminated...well, the doctors did because she was in a coma...not kidding. This is a serious illness and I'm not surprised to read the posts that say Quets had no ability to make decisions. Makes sense after seeing my friend decline like she did. Thankfully, she is alive today...but she must live without her baby....that's a hell no one want or invites. It seems that Quets has proven in the last year (or two is it?) that she wants to parent, intended to parent, and got too sick to do it alone initially.
My big question is where were the social workers in this case?
Definitely we can disagree about Quets. My personal experience with my friend's illness definitely is not something I wish on anyone else, and I think getting up close to this HG thing is really the only way anyone could understand why Quets didn't fight off the adoption vultures. But the donor issue is just really frustrating for me. How can she carry and birth twins and be the natural mother by law but have people say she is not the mother.