IVF-Infertility.com home

how do you keep positive?

Discussion group for all topics related to infertility including preparation for pregnancy, causes, investigation and treatment of infertility.

how do you keep positive?

Postby sabrina » Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:35 pm

I'm fairly new here. I honestly want to know how you stay positive? I have been trying for 3 years. I know many of you ttc much longer, but still... By the way I’m 39. I read these forums. I know many many of you have been trying much longer, and have taken many further steps than I have. So what do you do to keep yourself positive? I'm frustrated, sad, angry. I’m jealous of others. DH and I argue more frequently. I can say ttc has been one of the more unpleasant experiences in my life. Especially this month. I was nauseous, temps stayed up, and I was late. I am NEVER late! So I had dared to allow myself to hope. Even managed to wait 2 days before I tested. Test showed negative, and AF arrived later that morning.
sabrina
Newbie
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:29 pm

Sponsor
 

Re: how do you keep positive?

Postby Millia » Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:50 pm

I know just how you feel. DH and I are arguing more than ever....I am a total pain in the butt to get along with. I wear my feeling on my sleeve. I am to the point I am happy for all those women getting their BFP but I'm so jealous. I just want to scream... Plus to top it all off my coworker's daughter just got preg on her wedding night. Then her other daughter who just had a baby 4 months ago just found out she is preg, again... I just want to crawl in a whole and hide forever. I’m so angry at my friends for getting pregnant without trying then feeling like a horrible person for doing it. For me the hardest thing about infertility is that no one can ever understand what you are going through. Unless they have been there themselves. And maybe this sounds terrible but I don’t like hanging out with our pregnant friends anymore. All they do is talking about childbirth, children and how it’s exhausting for them to be pregnant. This makes me depressed. I am happy for them, but sometimes it’s too hard. I'm on the edge of turning 40. We have been trying for about 5 years. My group of friends all started to have babies in our late 20s early 30s. I wanted to hang out with people that didn't have babies (selfish, I know). But there is seriously no one who doesn’t have children! I'm seriously the last one left. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. See we aren't all so positive.
Millia
Newbie
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2017 10:57 pm

Re: how do you keep positive?

Postby Estellla » Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:51 pm

I'll be honest with you. Sometimes I'm not positive at all. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed and cry. Other times I just want to totally give up. I have been ttc for 8 years! I had 6 m/c. I don't know what's worse, not being able to get pregnant, or getting pregnant but not being able to keep it. I just try to remind myself that I want a baby and I can't let anything stop me. I don't know if it's really staying positive that works for me or the attitude that I want it, so I'm going to get it. I don't say "if" I have a baby, I say "when" I have a baby. I know it will happen. I think I'm kind of brainwashing myself. I know how you feel about the anger/jealous thing. I'm right there with you. When that happens, I just tell myself, my time will come. Maybe this can work for you too. Best of luck to you. It will happen!
Estellla
Newbie
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:42 pm

Re: how do you keep positive?

Postby JessicaJJ » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:01 pm

Dh and I both want a baby. It helps a lot with how supportive he is. He's pretty much on the same page as me. We both want children so much. We know we are supposed to be parents. That’s the only thing which matters. In the meantime, I spend a lot of time here and have met so many terrific people. I am truly happy for them when they get the good news. I am truly sad for them when they get bad news. Their happiness does not take away from mine. I could never be jealous or feel bad because someone else is fortunate and happy.

A lot of it does have to do with brainwashing. You just have to try to convince yourself that everything is okay. And everything is going to turn out the way you want it to. Kind of like when a child falls down and starts crying. You tell them, "you're okay" and they suddenly stop crying. Mind over matter I guess. It's not that it's always easy. It's just that if you constantly tell yourself positive thoughts and constantly type out positive comments, you just get in the mind state that things aren't really so bad. When you dwell on the negative, it's SO easy to just stay there and keep getting more and more depressed. It's definitely hard, but really it is just repeatedly telling yourself positive things.
JessicaJJ
Newbie
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2018 8:05 pm

Re: how do you keep positive?

Postby hally09 » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:05 pm

I know it's hard to be positive. I don't think I've been positive in a while. It seems like I'm obsessing about this all the time. I like it when I don't have a boring monotonous day. It really helps to think of other things. I wish I could go on a two week vacation every month to help take my mind off things. Basically I try to focus on keeping busy. Use this forum! It helps a lot. You can share your woes with others here who are going through the same. And you do not have to dump on family and friends who don't "get it." You know it's harder now because of your age. I'm 44! So this is so frustrating. So here's my advice. Just keep busy and try to focus on other things. Except eating... I've been doing that and am regretting! I eat when I get stressed out! Hang in there!
hally09
Newbie
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2018 9:24 pm

Re: how do you keep positive?

Postby Trisha0 » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:19 pm

You know I've asked this out sooo many times! And came to the conclusion that I HAVE to force myself. At the beginning all I was is being positive... but in a negative way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I was obsessed with getting pregnant. And it’s never happened. Then, I started the negativism. The smarty comments against ttc'ing. Like 'yeah right, if it ever happens to me...'. Now, after seeking all kinds of help (psychological, and infertility) and FORCING myself to not say negative statements... I've finally turned my face to the positivism again! But without that histeria that I had when I first started.

No one really can turn you or change you. You have to go thru a process. But one thing YOU can do, is seek for help. I refused to for many months... And people would just tell me the 'oh just relax, it'll happen when you least expect it'. And never did (also, never heard of TTC causes infertility). So, I stood up, went to an RE, ran tests. Now I know what was wrong. And now I know what to do. And in a couple of months, I'll be having IVF with donor eggs. And hopefully (cross everything) then I'll find my dream come true.

Are you seeing any specialist??? You are not 'old' at all sweetie, but they say after 35, and you ttc'ing for more than 6 months, you can go straight to a RE!

Good luck to you!!!
Trisha0
Newbie
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2016 10:35 pm

Re: how do you keep positive?

Postby sabrina » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:24 pm

Thank you so much girls! I’ll consider your advices. You have just the kind of attitude I WANT to have! DH and I have been married 5 years. And here we are, ttcing for 3 years... When we discussed it, we decided to try but whatever happened we would be accepting. Now that it's not happening, I find myself feeling all sorts of things. I'm ashamed of feeling jealous of others happiness. I want to stop feeling that way. I want to get along with dh. I don't want to be on an emotional roller coaster. I read others stories. I realize others have gone through a LOT more than I have. I guess I need to keep that in mind and not feel so sorry for myself. Thanks again, you helped a lot!
sabrina
Newbie
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:29 pm

Re: how do you keep positive?

Postby kira099 » Wed Jun 27, 2018 9:40 pm

I have been TTC for 2 years. I totally understand what you are going through. It's hard when many of your friends are bragging about their kids. It’s even harder when people announcing news like, "I'm pregnant and we weren't even trying!!" That happened to me last week. This is so frustrating when each and everyone around you get pregnant… Seems they conceive right away, from the first try. We’ve tried so many treatments, medications, herbs, etc. but nothing. And everyone around thinks it’s their mission to ask “why don’t you have any kids yet? what are you waiting for?” This is so hard. Anyway, it's very hard because you are grieving that child that you do not have. Grief is a complicated thing. It's totally normal to feel the way you do. I hope you and the rest of us get pregnant very soon! In the mean time we can concentrate on our relationship with God and our relationship with our DH. I try to remember every day how blessed I am, and that makes me feel better.
kira099
Newbie
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2018 9:37 pm


Return to General Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests