All right, ladies. Had a nice, hard workout (hopefully won't have many of those left since FET is in 2 wks
), but forgot many of the fantasticly wonderful (at least in my mind!) things i was going to say. So here goes a decidedly average (and epic novel length) post...
: i get you with the pity thing. Anyway, if you wanted them to know something, you would be telling them! Don't know if she is a close friend or not, but i have been amazed at the questions i get from acquaintances re: whether or not we are trying to have kids. Yes, we are normal (although my family may say i am not as "normal" as others
) despite our IF. Sometimes, i feel I have "IF" stamped on my forehead like a scarlet letter.
:I am so glad you returned to post. You said you almost didn't come back because you were feeling guilty about your feelings. This should be a total "guilt-free zone" (Meg, did you hear that?
amanda-jane wrote:...but i am anxious and i suppose this site is to amongst others is to blow off some steam and not be judged for how we're feeling at that point.
As far as i am concerned, besides sharing info, the main function of the forum is to provide us with a place to vent and be understood. I consider it a valuable, valuable resource. You have been through a lot, and not having ever had a m/c would never presume to say i "understand" how that feels. But i do understand how cruel IF can be. And i understand what a rollercoaster IF (and especially IVF) is. I also go up and down a lot... dh says during stims i have significant mood swings every 2 hours, but i think he is wrong.... it is more like every 90 minutes
. I am SO hoping that this cycle for you leads to a big baby belly. If you ever need to vent and don't want to do it on the public thread... feel free to pm me.
: sorry about dh co-worker's preg. Not that she is preg, but that it is hard for you. I actually find that although there are many people around me that are preg, there are only a few that really bother me. Haven't noticed any obvious reasons for that... i am sure a few hours on the therapists couch would tease it out.. but why bother? It is what it is. I think it is great that you are setting boundaries and taking care of yourself (something i am not very good at doing
: ooooo, the "IVF defense", heeheehee. That could be dangerous... think of all the things we could use it for... "but officer, i know robbing the bank is wrong, but my insurance doesn't cover IVF"... "but officer, that preg woman over there told me "Wow, I wish I had your problem. Roger just looks at me and I get pregnant."(meg, does that quote look familiar?
) what else could i do but slap her silly"... "but officer, i know running someone down after they cut me off is not a good idea... but i'm STIMMING!". heeheehee.
on a more serious note, i concur w/PMA. jealousy of those preg isn't fun, but a totally normal reaction for someone in our circumstances. It must be very hard at times to work w/someone so preg (esp when they figure they understand where you are coming from... 2 months of ttc??? hffff!)
All right girls, my vent for the day. In the spirit of full disclosure, what i am saying is totally hypocritical
(part of the reason i am saying it is bc i need to hear it myself!). I think we are WAY too hard on ourselves. We are human... or did i miss something that IF/IVF no longer gives us the right to human emotions??? We are all doin' the best we can. There cannot be any guilt in that. The disappointment, frustration, bitterness and jealousy only make us humans--- none of us want to STAY here indefinately, but i no longer think it is healthy for me to fight it if that is where i am at the time. As long as we aren't acting on it and intentionally hurting someone else, I'd say we are doing pretty well. Bring it all on, this is the place to vent! Be good to yourselves ladies... the world has no idea how brave you all are.