Good morning ladies!
I dance flamenco, and have been dancing for over 6 years now. I'm truyly sorry to hear about your miscarriage, of course I understand what it's like. *hugs* It looks like I have lots of frozen embies, but they're frozen in two packages, so it's two attempts really. But indeed, if we have twins, we'll have more than needed (we want two children). We'll see; things always change after each attempt. I've already started to take meds: Suprefact for downregging and baby aspirin. Expecting AF anyday now; I'll add Estrace and antibiotics to the lot.
That neighbour of yous is a major case of d**m*ss!!!!!!!! Ugh, there are so many people like that! And they have no idea how much it hurts when they're like that. False sympathy, that is. Just one more way to be self-centered. I, too, would have felt infuriated. Have you told her that taking Clomid for two months does not compare to IVF treatments? That having a baby incredibly quickly after starting fertility treatments absolutely does not compare to years of treatments?
Ah... even then. *sigh* You can't really compare difficult times and ordeals between people. For some people, like your neighbor, going through a brief period of infertility was an enormous deal. My SIL had to take Clomid (and she became pregnant and announced her pregnancy two weeks after I had a BFN. Same due date than I would have had. My MIL went on and on about my "poor SIL who had to take meds and suffer the side effects". To my best friend, having three rounds of IUI with donor sperm is much worse than my IVF treatments because at least our embryos are genetically ours and because each attempt has 20% success rate compared to my somewhat 50%. And I could reply that she didn't have to take half of the meds I take, and she doesn't have needles poked into her ovaries. In fact, she doesn't want to do IVF because she doesn't want invasive procedures done to her (she'll go straight to adoption after 6th IUI if it doesn't work because she refuses to have a laparoscopy). To some people, even cancer may not be a big deal, but divorce would be the end of the world.
It's all a matter of perspective. I mean, we're all humans and yes, those insensitive attitudes are infuriating and hurtful. But with time, I'm trying to remember that human suffering and the way someone perceive his/her own challenges are all a question of personal perspective. It helps me avoid taking those behaviors personal. Those attitudes are just eloquent about those people's reactions to their own problems, and our reactions are as telling about our own attitudes about our own problems. For example, I have no right to be insensitive to my DH's colleague who complains about pregnancy aches and pains because she became pregnant with her first IVF. But let's say on a bad day, I am insensitive. It speaks loads about my own adaptation to my own infertility issues; it's about me, not her. Same thing for your neighbor. The reasons why she's so insensitive about your struggles probably have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her, and the amount of challenges she had to face in her life, and so on.
In a word, I try to stay as far away from statements like "people owe me discretion and tact" because I have been through a lot with infertility. Instead, I try to make my needs and positions very clear because to most people it's absolutely NOT obvious what we need. People know what I don't want to talk about, and what questions I don't want them to ask me. Some people still do not respect those boundaries, like my dad, but I try to let go. If I react badly to this, again, it tells loads about my own adaptation, and it adds to my suffering, something I really don't need.
Hope all this rambling is making sense. Bottom line is... *HUGS* to you!
Sorry to hear that your cutie is causing you to worry!!! Do you have the chance to talk to other mothers? First-time mothers usually tell me that it's a major relief to just vent with other mommies. I don't know where you're from, but here, community centers and other places like that organize activities for new moms like making purees together. It's a great occasion to just be with other moms, share tips, socialize and vent. Hanging out at the park might help, too? (even if your baby can't play yet!) Either way, I hope your baby will settle in a predictable and reassuring routine very soon. Hang in there!
Nothing much on my side today. Had a few AF-like sensations yesterday, so I'm hoping it's for today or tomorrow. We'll see...
Have a good day ladies!