Should I call it a day?

Discussion group for all topics related to infertility including preparation for pregnancy, causes, investigation and treatment of infertility.
Post Reply
Natalie Anne
Posts: 195
Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 9:29 am
Location: Cheshire

Should I call it a day?

Post by Natalie Anne » Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:28 pm

Hi All

Not posted for a while but find myself turning back to you all again as you are always a help.

My 8th attempt was just abandoned as we were taking 10 thawed embies to blastocyst stage and none of them made it. (6 weeks of drugs for nothing and yet more heartache).

We've only got 2 frosties left so next FET will be a day 2 transfer and not a blasto transfer but there's a slim chance of them surviving the thaw. I've got a bit of a wait until my follow up and was just wondering what people on here would do in my shoes.

would you give up altogether, after all, 8 attempts is a lot?
would you take your chances with the 2 frosties?
would you have another fresh attempt and add any spares to the 2 frosties?

I've been told repeatedly that there is nothing wrong with me, we're doing this because my dh had a vasectomy during his first marriage. I'm nearly 34 and dh is 41. I've even given up my job to try and make this work as it was stressful and they disapproved so i had to lie to them.

I don't want to be foolish and carry on pointlessly but neither do i want to look back and feel that i didn't do all i could.

any thoughts/advice/experiences/virtual tea and sympathy very much appreciated!
9 failed attempts using thawed, surgically retrieved sperm.
2 year break and vasectomy reversal for dh.
Consultation for 10th attempt using fresh sperm - Nov 09.


Posts: 122
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:01 pm

Post by kandice » Mon Mar 19, 2007 4:03 pm

i say use them up! might as well know you didn't leave any stone unturned.

good luck!
me-26, dh- 33
1st IVF/ICSI Feb/Mar 2007- BFP! MC @ 5w2d

looking to start again with our 3 icicles in June or July 2007! (a BFP happy 27th bday present to me! 07/26)

Posts: 770
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2006 7:52 pm
Location: Omaha, Nebraska

Post by meg12 » Mon Mar 19, 2007 5:21 pm

Natalie Ann--I wish I had a crystal ball so I could look you up and say "Oh, the 9th try is the one!" This is the hardest thing a person can go through, in my opinion. You look at the lists of stressful things that are always floating around, you know the ones with divorce and death and moving etc and never do you see infertility. It should be #1!

Anyway, I'm praying for you--whatever you decide to do!


Valued Contributor
Posts: 1879
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2004 4:05 pm
Location: Cambridge, UK

Post by nicolamark » Mon Mar 19, 2007 7:57 pm

We have had 5 iuis and now doing 1st IVF, if we get BFN this will be teh end for us!!

No more money, and i cant put up with the trauma anymore!!

Good luck with what u decide!! x x
IUI using donor in 2005
1st IVF cancelled OHSS 2006
2nd IVF 4 eggs all failed to fertilise 2009
3rd IVF successful 2010 pregnant Miscarried early
FET negative 2011

Posts: 498
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2005 2:37 am
Location: Australia QLD

Post by jomae » Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:25 am

Hi Natalie Ann
Even going through the process of 2 fresh cycles 3 iui's and a FET myself and now another Fresh cycle when i can afford it i cannot imagine how you are feeling it must be the worst for you i guess the question you need to ask are what options do i have left and what am i willing to do and potentially could i explore the options of a donar. My Dh and I had to go down that path and now have a gorgeous little man we feel blessed to have so don't give up until you've looked at all options and as for your frosties use them if you can that way you don't have to wonder down the track what if.
I'm sorry people at your work have made it hard for you if only they were in your shoes for awhile.
Take care of your self and i hope what ever decision you make brings you a little peace.

All the best JOMAEXXXX

Posts: 815
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2006 9:40 pm
Location: at the end of my significantly frayed rope

Post by sassynlv » Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:14 am

Natalie Anne:
I am so sorry you are going through this. Multiple IVF failures sucks. I am struggling with similar decisions right now, so i am feeling your pain. I thought you might find this helpful. It is something put together by an IVF counselor that i found on another forum.... whatever you decide, i am wishing you the best. Sorry it is so long :wink:

When is Enough, Enough?

"In a way learning to live with infertility is like learning to live with death, one can't quite forget about it, but one can't think about it all the time." (From Surviving Infertility, Linda P Salzer)

There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough:
The grave and
The barren womb
The earth that is not filled with water,
And the fire that saith not, "It is Enough." Proverbs 30:15-16

"Regardless of what decision is reached, the actual choice to abandon treatment is ultimately bound up in the person's ability to relinquish the hope and dream of having his or her own genetic child." (Braverman, in Leibleum 1997).

There is no true satisfactory resolution to the inability to reproduce, but there are acceptable choices. The loss of potential genetically conceived child must be grieved. It is only after the work of grieving is done that the choices can be explored. There is no public recognition for these feelings and no ritual mourning process. No sympathy cards are sent to help ease the time of grief.

For some people, the point of resolution comes abruptly (maybe on last awful comment or a low point in treatment). For others, it is a slower more gradual process. Only you can decide when to draw the line in the sand and say "enough is enough". There is no clear-cut answer of when to stop, but these questions might help you as you seek your own answer.

Have you exhausted all medical possibilities that you feel comfortable pursuing?

Is the role of "parent" more important than pregnancy?

Do you hate the fact that infertility has taken over you life to the extent that little else matters?

Do your present efforts at treatment seem hopeless?

Are you now able to discuss alternative means of parenthood that in the past were off limits?

Do you dream of resuming a normal life again with laughter and happiness?

Do you hate the kind of person you have become?

Do you feel angry and resentful on days when you are scheduled to see you doctor?

Does an end to temperature taking, drugs, doctor's appointments sound like a relief?

Would you feel unhappy if your doctor informed you that a wonderful new treatment had just become available?

Are you just plain tired?

Is infertility treatment making you postpone other things you would like to do or making you change decisions? Have you thwarted plans to return to school, to a make a career change or otherwise change your life because you are waiting for pregnancy?

Has you relationship with your partner drifted or become strained by continued medical treatment?

If you answer yes to a majority, chances are you are ready to consider alternative means of conception, or end treatment, pursuing adoption or child-free living.

If you answered yes to a minority, then you spirits are still relatively high and there may be value in continuing treatment.

Continuing Treatment:

If you are not ready to stop now, then when will you be?

Is there a logical end point to your treatment?

Can you establish a plan? By setting a time frame and deciding when you will be ready to stop, you will be able to determine better when the appropriate time has arrived. Plans can always be revised, but having a plan can focus your efforts.
6 fresh IVFs plus one cancelation
Last Chance FET--- Pregnant with triplets!

Natalie Anne
Posts: 195
Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 9:29 am
Location: Cheshire

Post by Natalie Anne » Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:13 pm

Hi all

thanks so much for your replies, they are helping me sort things out in my head.

I don't think I'm ready to give up yet unless the consultant tells me i'm wasting my time but I'm not really sure what to do next.

I've stopped crying anyway which is something but i'm sure it'll start again soon as my sister's second baby is due (well overdue actually) so i've got that to cope with. We didn't tell her or my parents about this attempt as i didn't want them all monitoring my reaction to her and treading on tiptoes round me cos i hate that.

thanks again and any more advice much appreciated.

Post Reply