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Heart’s Desire – Finding Strength and Direction from God

Discussion group for all topics related to infertility including preparation for pregnancy, causes, investigation and treatment of infertility.

Postby IndieBlue » Thu Jan 24, 2008 3:48 pm

Well, I talked more with my husband about it last night and he said that he just thinks he's too old.... :cry: I realize he's not...there are so many people out there that are much older than him having their children, but you can't make someone fell younger and ready to take on such a HUGE thing such as IVF. He's going to be 37 this year....so again, he's not old.

I'm just so torn. I hate being so set on something, I wish I could just forget it and move on :( but I can't. I pray everyday that God's will be done....and if that doesn't include another child then please take this desire from my heart.....I'm going mad.

AF finally started though....she's back with a vengeance too! Made it 33 days this cycle though...odd, longest I've ever went was 31. I hate months like this because deep down I always think maybe God has changed my situation and I'm pregnant without IVF....no such luck.

Really praying hard for all of you, and so thankful to have you praying for us and our direction.
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Postby cathann » Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:32 pm

Thank you all for your kind words. I really do feel a peace about this whole situation. I DO feel like God is leading us to/through this.

Indie~ hang in there. God will guide you and your hubby to the right decision.

Hope~ here is more about me. I am 36, DH is 34. We have male factor infertility. We started this process in 2004, but had to stop because we found out that DH had a brain tumor. That sort of put everything on hold for us. I was devastated to learn that we couldn't have children on our own, but understood completely once we found out about DH's condition. God wasn't ready for us to have children yet, we had to deal with the tumor. DH had his tumor removed last April and is doing fine. He had to have radiation and now takes a chemotherapy pill 5 days/month. Life has pretty much gotten back to normal for us which is why we decided to TTC again. Our RE told us that, as long as my preliminary tests were ok, we could skip some things and go straight to our IVF cycle. I had my pre-cycle day 3 b/w and u/s on Monday. I have started my birth control and have a pre-cycle meeting with our nurse next Monday. We are just at the beginning of this really. We could definitely use extra prayers. We have been through a lot the past couple of years and are looking forward to something joyous happening for us.

I'll take any miracle God will give me!

Love to you all!
Cathann
Me=36
DH=34
Our 1st IVF/ICSI
ER 2/19
ET 2/23
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Postby sonu911 » Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:58 pm

cathann wrote:Thank you all for your kind words. I really do feel a peace about this whole situation. I DO feel like God is leading us to/through this.

Indie~ hang in there. God will guide you and your hubby to the right decision.

Hope~ here is more about me. I am 36, DH is 34. We have male factor infertility. We started this process in 2004, but had to stop because we found out that DH had a brain tumor. That sort of put everything on hold for us. I was devastated to learn that we couldn't have children on our own, but understood completely once we found out about DH's condition. God wasn't ready for us to have children yet, we had to deal with the tumor. DH had his tumor removed last April and is doing fine. He had to have radiation and now takes a chemotherapy pill 5 days/month. Life has pretty much gotten back to normal for us which is why we decided to TTC again. Our RE told us that, as long as my preliminary tests were ok, we could skip some things and go straight to our IVF cycle. I had my pre-cycle day 3 b/w and u/s on Monday. I have started my birth control and have a pre-cycle meeting with our nurse next Monday. We are just at the beginning of this really. We could definitely use extra prayers. We have been through a lot the past couple of years and are looking forward to something joyous happening for us.

I'll take any miracle God will give me!

Love to you all!
Cathann


Dear Cathann

Life goes full circle. You have suffered a lot, now its the time for joy and it will arrive very soon to stay with you forever.

Sending lots of sticky baby dust your way!!! Image

Love...
Sonu.
Me,DH-35
3 ICSIs-BFN
FET-BFP/mc@7wks
4#ICSI-BFP
Anay came on 17th FEB, 2009
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http://s251.photobucket.com/albums/gg299/archie109/?action=view&current=DSC05346.jpg
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Postby sonu911 » Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:05 pm

IndieBlue wrote:Well, I talked more with my husband about it last night and he said that he just thinks he's too old.... :cry: I realize he's not...there are so many people out there that are much older than him having their children, but you can't make someone fell younger and ready to take on such a HUGE thing such as IVF. He's going to be 37 this year....so again, he's not old.

I'm just so torn. I hate being so set on something, I wish I could just forget it and move on :( but I can't. I pray everyday that God's will be done....and if that doesn't include another child then please take this desire from my heart.....I'm going mad.

AF finally started though....she's back with a vengeance too! Made it 33 days this cycle though...odd, longest I've ever went was 31. I hate months like this because deep down I always think maybe God has changed my situation and I'm pregnant without IVF....no such luck.

Really praying hard for all of you, and so thankful to have you praying for us and our direction.


Dear Indie

I pray to our dear LORD to give peace to your mind so that your heart becomes calm. Just leave everything in HIS hand, and believe me-
IF IT HAS TO HAPPEN, IT WILL HAPPEN. Nothing is going to change that and we are all part of God's plan.

Image

Take care...
Sonu
Me,DH-35
3 ICSIs-BFN
FET-BFP/mc@7wks
4#ICSI-BFP
Anay came on 17th FEB, 2009
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Postby cathann » Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:31 pm

Sonu,

Thank you for your kind words. Even though it was very difficult, I still sort of consider DHs tumor as a blessing. It has made us stronger and closer. I feel confident that God will bless us (with something a little happier this time!) again.

Cathann
Me=36
DH=34
Our 1st IVF/ICSI
ER 2/19
ET 2/23
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Postby waitingforMia » Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:45 pm

Cathann: WELCOME!! Thanks for sharing your story. That is a lot to go through and I am so glad that you and dh have grown closer through it. Praise God you still have your dh with you!

Indie: I know how hard it is to have the desire and dh not to. I waited three long years for God to either change my desires, or change dh's. I will pray that God does the same for you. Unity is very important in marriage. See to it that this doesn't pull you apart. I iwll pray for you Sister.

Sonu: I have seen that pic online and I think it is wonderful :)

Hope: Still praying for AF for you! God is teaching you some patience isn't he. Also thanks for the reminder of the important things. - honorable service to him. I mean in the end, this life is so short. We are here for his purpose and I pray I don't waste mine continually longing for what God does not have planned for me.

Princess: How are you feeling?? Have you told anyone yet??

To all the other girls lurking about: Hello :0) I pray that each of us grow closer to Christ today and that our suffering produces perserverance, which produces character, which produces HOPE!

MP
Me: 28 Dh:32
TTC 8 yrs
2/3 2 blasts transferred
2/14 BFP Beta#1: 316; Beta#2 960
2/25 - u/s one baby! :)
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Postby Hope644 » Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:08 pm

Good Afternoon Ladies!

Sonu - Thank you so much for the great photo (one of my favs) and the lovely prayer... so beautiful and sweet. THANK YOU!

Indie - I know how you feel about wanting an answer from God - I prayed for 3 years for God to either change DH's heart or mine. Having 3 children from a previous marriage and a vasectomy, he wasn't interested in having more. I knew that and thought that I was ok with that when we wed, but I felt more strongly about him being God's plan for me than about the aspect of no children. Needless to say, my heart's desire changed. I prayed and prayed and cried many tears, but he would hear nothing of it. That was until last March - we attended a Weekend to Remember conference (great conference, btw, ladies, if you have never been, i would HIGHLY recommend it) - during the conference we had a lot of opportunities to discuss many things... I was terrified to bring up this topic, but he beat me to it. He brought it up and told me that he wanted to try. Image Of course, I didn't let much time go by after I got the go-ahead and we were in the dr's in April for testing and in for our first IVF in July. And btw, my DH will be 43 in a few weeks and I've seen DHs on this site well into their 50s. That "old" bit is for the birds!

Hold tight to His Grace, He will lead you both in the direction He wants for you - your plans are now one, as you are one in His eyes. He won't lead you both in different directions, He will reconcile your hearts as you both trust in Him. :)

Cathann - Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so glad you feel God's peace in moving forward with IVF. His comfort is like no other. :) You have already been so blessed that the Lord has brought you through your DH's illness in health and more importantly, more closely intertwined with one another and with Him. He truly does work in mysterious, yet miraculous ways. Praise God that He has delivered you both through that struggle and brought glory and honor to Him though it. He is an AMAZING God! I pray that the strength He has built in you will guide you through this process leaning on Him and giving Him praise through your blessings yet to come.

MP - How are you feeling with your meds?? Just a few more days now, right?? Image

Yes, God is teaching me A LOT about patience. You know His lessons are rarely easy ones, especially when we are stubborn! :) Still no AF... :( I guess she's taking her own sweet time. I'm trying to not focus on it... :roll:

About the frostie dilemma... I spoke to my dear friend yesterday (I think I mentioned her before, she's kind of like a mentor to me) anyway, she has a dear friend who has been a RN for an RE for like 20 years in NY. She asked her about the frostie issue and apparently, they have begun a process for many of their Christian patients who have frosties that they don't plan to use but don't want to let them die in the lab or donate. Apparently, they allow these patients to go back in (without drugs or preparation) and have the embies transferred back into the mommy. Knowing there is an extremely rare chance for them to "take". So when they pass, at least they are with their mommy. I don't know if this is an option for any of us, or if any of us would want to do this, but it's an alternative to what we've seen previously.... just a thought. :)

Nikki
- Where in the world are ya, hon?? Any sign of AF?? Hope your teeth (or spaces where they used to be!!) are doing much better!! We're thinking of you and miss ya!!

I have a wonderful PRAISE today!
Image
Yesterday, my DH and I drove to see my folks and my grandmother (I fondly call her Sassy, as her nickname just suits her!) She fell and broke her hip the day after my D&C (now 7 weeks ago) and has been on the tough road to recovery since. I last saw her on New Years eve (a mere 3 weeks ago) and she was doing ok, but walking with the walker was still quite a struggle for her. Well, when I got there yesterday, she got up and practically trotted across the floor and went all the way to the BR by herself and said, oh, I'll call you if I need you!!!! I'm tellin' ya, she is walking better now than she did *before* the accident!!! She is quite the trooper. I can only hope I'm half the trooper in life and for God that she is at any age, especially at 84. She and my mother have always been Godly women and have been true inspirations for me... and I'm sure their prayer interessions on my behalf have saved me from much trouble in my life. I just had to share that with you... it's always wonderful to see His blessings at work!!
IVF 1st-BFN, 2nd-BFP mc 8wk,
3rd IVF-BFP!
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4th IVF-BFP!
Image
5 snowbabies on ice
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Postby waitingforMia » Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:58 pm

Hope you are backkkk!! I missed your posts (for all of one day :)) Glad your grandma is doing well; she sounds like a fighter!! My adoptive parents pray for me and dh EVERY morning with out fail, and it is a blessing to know someone is praying over you, isn't it?

I have heard about that option for frosties; I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it!

Glad you are back from that exhausting trip :0)

MP
Me: 28 Dh:32
TTC 8 yrs
2/3 2 blasts transferred
2/14 BFP Beta#1: 316; Beta#2 960
2/25 - u/s one baby! :)
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Postby sonu911 » Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:53 pm

Hello, dear ladies...

Thanks for appreciating the picture. When I saw it, I just could n't resist the temptation of sharing it with my sisters. Nevertheless, I knew that it must be very popular in our fraternity. :)

MP - Pl. accept my wishes for your ER on 1/28. I pray to God that you retrieve eggs of great quality which then fertilize into cute little embies.
Image

Hope - I guess we will have simultaneous cycle in Feb/ March. I think this irregular AF problem is very common among IVFers. My next cycle depends upon AF which since after my last ICSI has been pretty irregular and comes at the interval of 40-43 days, so I guess it has to be Feb end for me. Prayers for you to get AF soon (just this time ;) ).

After reading about you all, I just thought of sharing my bit. It has been 9 years of our marriage and we started ttc about 4 years back. Naturally I was not able to concieve on my own all this while and somehow I could never gather courage to bring up the topic of visiting gynae for checkup with my DH although we share a wonderful relationship.

One fine day in Feb last year, he himself brought up this topic and after diagnoses we discovered this malefactor issue. Since than we have been through one IUI and 3 ICSI cycles. Two cycles were done without my DH (with his frozen samples) as he was working elsehwere then. I have lost my 9 little ones (embies) who struggled hard to survive with me in my womb but gave up. I was compeletely shattered after my last attempt and needed time to rejuvenate myself.

And here I am ready for another battle, all this while I have felt God has never left my hand. Whenever I cried, HE gave me HIS shoulder, I have always felt HIM around me. HE is always comforting me and telling me -''Don't worry, I have better plans for you''.
My dear LORD, I just can never thanks you enough for that.

At this point in my life, I have no complaints. I have just tried to follow one very simple rule - taking one step at a time and accepting life as it comes to me.

Ladies....sorry for venting my thoughts, twice before I tried writing and then deleted it...just didn't feel right at that time, but today I am just letting it go...

HUGS.
Me,DH-35
3 ICSIs-BFN
FET-BFP/mc@7wks
4#ICSI-BFP
Anay came on 17th FEB, 2009
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Postby IndieBlue » Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:04 am

I'm so glad to hear from all of you again :) I check the board regularly and when no one has posted it just drives me crazy LOL I'm so impatient.

I'm glad to hear that so many of you have overcome 'husband' issues in this journey. I'm praying that God will put us on the same track soon :)
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Postby Hope644 » Sat Jan 26, 2008 1:36 am

Sonu - So glad you decided to share your story with us. Don't you ever worry or feel bad about sharing your thoughts or venting with us. We are here for each other. We all have our own roads to follow and it so helps to have friends who share the same faith who are also going through similar circumstances. We are here for you and we Image ya!

Indie - I know exactly what you mean, I'm always looking for new posts on our little thread. I'm so glad that it's not usually very far from the top!! You girls are AWESOME! :)

MP/Mia - Aww shucks... you'll make a girl blush.
Image
I missed you guys so much while I was gone, and I wasn't even gone 24 hrs!!! It was just such a long drive for one day (and we're used to driving a LOT). It is a wonderful feeling and incredible blessing to know others are praying for you.

And I am praying for you all! :) :)

I think I'm going to head to bed very soon. I've been feeling kind of "off" all day and in the past couple of hours I've developed a bit of a cough. :(
Must take some meddies and get some rest. I'll check in on you all tomorrow.

Image
IVF 1st-BFN, 2nd-BFP mc 8wk,
3rd IVF-BFP!
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4th IVF-BFP!
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5 snowbabies on ice
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Postby Hope644 » Sat Jan 26, 2008 1:40 am

duplicate post removed
IVF 1st-BFN, 2nd-BFP mc 8wk,
3rd IVF-BFP!
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4th IVF-BFP!
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5 snowbabies on ice
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Postby chriss » Sat Jan 26, 2008 1:28 pm

Just wanted you to know that I read this thread all the time and I find it very inspiring. Thanks for posting here. -chriss
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BELIEVE!
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Postby nicaliw » Sat Jan 26, 2008 3:55 pm

Hi everyone! Have been so busy past few days but now I have the weekend off...yay. I wish you were all here and we good go and do a girly spa day together or something. I had my first ever spa experience a few weeks ago and now I can't wait to go again (think I might go today)

Indieblue....how are you feeling? I hope your spirits have lifted a little. I agree, its very frustrating when your DH is not quite on the same page as you. With regard to his age.....my DH is also 37 and already has 4 kids. I can tell he's a little worried about being too old too cause he drops in the occassional comment about being like a grandpa by the time our kids graduate high school.

Cathan....WELCOME! Your story is quite moving and make me feel like a big baby for whining about my problems like having my wisdom teeth taken out. You must be very strong after going through all of that. I am sure God has some very wonderful things planned for you and your DH now.

Hope....any sign of AF my patiently waiting buddy? She's not here with me so maybe she's gonna stop by you first. I hope we both get a visit SOON! I asked one of the docs at work yesterday how long I should expect to wait for AF after a neg beta......she said maybe 6 weeks!!!!! AAAARGH! Surely not?!?!?! IVF sure is a test on my patience. I have zero patience, its just the way I was made. Maybe He's helping me to work on that now.

Sonu.....how about you? Any signs of AF?


MP and Weezie....how is the stimming going? Are you crazy with hormones yet? Are they growing well? please keep us updated, we're all praying for you little eggs.

Nothing much else new here. Still just waiting.

Image
FET April 18th
1st heartbeat 6w3d 115bpm, 9w2d hb 171bpm
MATTHEW ARRIVED DEC 19TH....8 lbs 9.7 OZ
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Ten Guidelines

Postby sonu911 » Sat Jan 26, 2008 10:33 pm

I read the following and just thought some of us could benefit from the following - (It's in the dialogue form.)

Ten Guidelines
1. Quit worrying - Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. Put it ON-THE-LIST - Something needs to be done, put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to ME. Infact if truth were really ever known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you ever realise.

3. Trust ME- Once you have given your problems to ME, trust in ME, have the faith that I will take care of your problems, your trials, your hardships.

4. Leave it alone-Leave the problems with ME and forget about them. Just let ME do my job.

5. Talk to ME - Prayer is simply having a conversation with ME, I want to be your dearest friend. I want to hear everything about your life everyday.

6. Have Faith- have faith in ME that I know what I am doing. I will continue to watch you over and meet your needs. you only have to trust ME.

7. Share - You were taught to share when you were two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you, share your joys with those who need encouragement, share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time, share your faith who have none.

8. Be patient - Trust in MY timing, for I know that MY timing is perfect. just be patient when it takes little longer than you expect to handle something on MY to-do-list.

9. Be kind - be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you.

10. Love yourself- as much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? you were created by ME for one reason only--to be loved and to love in return.

TOUCH SOMEONE WITH YOUR LOVE. RATHER THAN FOCUS UPON THE THORNS OF LIFE, SMELL THE ROSES AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!
Image

LOVE TO ALL AND LOTS OF BABY DUST!!!
Me,DH-35
3 ICSIs-BFN
FET-BFP/mc@7wks
4#ICSI-BFP
Anay came on 17th FEB, 2009
Image
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