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Coping with a failed IVF

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Coping with a failed IVF

Postby Edel » Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:30 pm

Hi there

Just wonder if any of you girls could give me some advice on how to cope after a failed IVF. It was my first one after being diagnosed with severe endo last september, i did test pregnant but within a few days i started to bleed and lost them, chemical pregnancy i believe its called. After the bleed had stopped i still tested pregnant which went on for over a week, my clinic was closed for xmas so i had no way of knowing for definite. My local doctor told me to just keep testing until xmas day if it was still positive i could take it that i was definitely pregnant and that it was possible that maybe i had just lost one of them (i had 2 transferred). So xmas day the test was positive so i took it as good news and was relieved and delighted.

Straight after xmas i went to the clinic thinking i was just getting it confirmed and they told me i wasnt pregnant and the only reason i was still testing positive was because the hcg hormone was still in my system, apparently it can stay there for up to 10 days!!!

Its nearly 6 weeks since i offically found out and im still devestated, i tried to go back to work to get a bit of normality back into my life (as i took time out for the IVF) but i just couldnt handle it and now im out sick again and put on half pay. I just cant stop crying and i dont know what to do. I have arranged to get counselling but it doesnt start till next week but i cant see how its going to help as its not going to change what happened, its worth a try i guess!

Maybe coming off all the medication has me all over the place, i had been put on a temporary menopause before the ivf cos of the endo and then i was straight into the ivf meds, now im off everything and i just feel like a rabbit in the headlights.

I have a FET in March and i really need to sort myself out before that. Have any of you felt like this or am i taking it way too hard? Also have any of you felt guilty after it not working out, i just keep thinking was there something i could have done to save them. Maybe i am just going crazy!

It would be good to hear how someone else has copped cos i feel so alone right now.
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Postby nic4 » Thu Jan 31, 2008 6:12 pm

Oh Edel,

My heart breaks for you right now.I too know that feeling after failed IVF,i kept wondering if i coulda done anything to help my embies implant,i felt guilty for my partner,feeling like i couldnt give him his longed for baby. My feeling is i think all this is pretty normal. I did 2 fresh IVF cycles,1 FET,all negative,each time i felt like my heart was breaking.I finally got pregnant on my 4th cycle,my beautiful son is now 6 months old.

The only advice i can give you,is please please talk to your husband about how you're feeling,give it time,and each day it gets easier,harder said than done,i know,but try to stay positive for your upcoming FET.

I too used the councellor at my clinic,and i found her invaluable,i think that will help you next week. I just cried and cried with her but she totally understood (even better than my partner did).

I wish you all the best for the future,if theres anything i can to feel free to PM me..

My thoughts are with you,much love,Nicola..xx
1st ivf,jan 2006(bfn) 2nd ivf,april 2006(bfn) 1st FET,july 2006(bfn) 3rd fresh ivf,nov 2006 (BFP) by the grace of god..1 baby due end July 2007..Jack born 24th july 2007..
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Postby beachbaby » Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:53 pm

Hi Edel, i am so sorry for your loss. I feel there is nothing worse than a bio-chemical, i have had 2 and the devastation is unbelievable. You believe you are pregnant and then it is all stripped from you so cruelly. i took solace from the fact that it proved i could get pregnant so there was no reason for it not to work next time. I also got councelling but only during my last FEt to help me cope during the procedure and for support around the time of my results as i was petrified of the same happening again.
You are doing the right thing in getting councelling, at the end of the day no matter how early it was you have suffered a huge loss and time is a great healer, please keep the faith FET's are much easier on the body.
Good luck to you and hope you turn the corner soon.
Me 39, DH 40. TTC 5years
4th times a charm,1-IVF, 3xFET's, 2 chemical
Twin boys born 9/7/08
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Postby nicaliw » Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:22 pm

I am so sorry you're going through this. It does sound like it hit you really hard. The devastation of being pregnant then having it taken away so quickly is really horrible. It does sound like the emotions you are having are normal, healthy feelings that I'm sure your counselor will help you with.

Know that there are lots of ladies here who have been through the same things and there will always be a shoulder to lean on here.
FET April 18th
1st heartbeat 6w3d 115bpm, 9w2d hb 171bpm
MATTHEW ARRIVED DEC 19TH....8 lbs 9.7 OZ
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Postby Jen1d » Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:28 pm

Edel

So sorry for your bfn, it must have been so hard getting pos results to only have this taking from you.

Believe me i have been there many a time, just take a look below. I am on my 2ww of my 7th cycle and the pain of neg results doesnt get any easier. Dr keep saying that there is no reason it shouldnt work but --nothing.
The only way i find a way through is by chatting to all my buddies on here as they are the ONLY people who understand how i feel and i plan my next cycle. If i have a plan then after a few weeks somehow i find the strength to carry on.

Good luck for FET in March.

Jen x
me 38 dh 38, ttc for 6yrs,
HSG - Tubes Damaged
Bilateral Salpingectomy, 16th Aug 06,
Hysteroscopy - 30th Oct 07
4 IVF - BFN, 3 ED - BFN
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Postby Dexter » Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:03 am

Hi Edel,

So sorry to read about your bio-chem pg. No-one can describe the pain. Waiting so long to get that BFP and then having it taken away as quickly as it begun. Your feelings are completely justified.

Edel, this also happened to me on my 3rd IVF attempt. I got the perfect blastocyst and tested positive only to have the line get fainter as I approached my test date. I kind of expected the worse but it didn't make it any easier getting the call from the clinic. My beta was just 7. However, in all the gloom I chose to take it as this IVF thing could work for me as SOMETHING had happened!

Nevertheless, my 4th cycle (FET) - non medicated - we got success. Twins. 14 weeks along as we speak but not without hurdles. I've had spotting for 2 weeks and have 2 small blood clots in the uterus which are still making me feel as if it could all be taken away from me at any minute. Thank God for ultrasounds and fetal heart monitors. Unfortunately I just have to wait it out and trust that it is old blood I am losing and the babies aren't being affected. It could go on for the whole pregnancy.

Sometimes your bosy responds better when it doesn't have as many drugs in it and that's why FETs can make the difference.

I've been exactly where you are and there are others on here who have done it much harder than me even. We're all here for you.

Sending hugs and support across the miles,

Dexter
ME 36-Egg quality? FSH 10.4
DH 39 - Perfect!
Unexp IF - TTC 5years
IVF # 1 Jan/Feb 07-BFN
FET # 1April 07-BFN
May 07 -BFP Natural! m/c 6wks
IVF # 2 -BFN Chemical pg Beta 7
6 blasts on ice -
Try # 4 -FET Nov 07 BFP!! Beta 250 15dpo TWINS!!
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Coping with a failed IVF

Postby Edel » Fri Feb 01, 2008 1:15 pm

Hi girls

Thank you so much for all your responses and thank you for sharing as i know it cant be easy, your kind words and support felt like a big hug. I wish none of us have to go this but there is consoluation knowing we are not on our own.

Its good to have some perspective on dealing with the whole thing, i really thought i was loosing the plot altogether! I was starting to think that IVF just wanst for me as im too weak to handle it but from what you were all saying at least i know now that these feelings are only natural.

Im sure you'll all agree that all this is such a strange situation to be in, i know nobody personnally that has gone through IVF so there is no one to ask and as supportive as all family and friends are they just dont understand the depth of it all. Thats why im gratefull for this forum, its such a relief and comfort to talk and read about other women going through the same.

Im just going to take things day by day and as one of you said these feelings will get ease over time. I suppose its important not to be beating myself up over it and the counselling maybe of more help than i think, sure ive nothing to loose by doing it anyway!

Thank you again girls you are all in my prayers and i wish you all the happiness in the world, someday i hope we all have our babies and can all look back on what we are going through as a distant memory.

Lv & hugs
Edel
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