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Can't cope with miscarriage

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Can't cope with miscarriage

Postby Annie973 » Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:11 pm

This time last week I was the happiest I had ever been and just one week later I cant stop crying. Last Sunday I took my first HPT after our first IVF and it was positive. I couldnt believe it. The next day the bloodwork confirmed the BFP. Me and DH were so happy we thought after two years of trying it would finally be our turn we couldnt believe it. We knew it was early and we were trying to be cautious just in case but I know deep down he was as elated as I was. When I went for my 2nd beta they said the HCG level had dropped. I knew it was going to be over but DH was in denial and wanted to still have hope. Well on Friday they did another beta and the level dropped a lot this time...confirmed there would be an early loss. Even though I knew it was coming I wasnt prepared to hear it and now I cant stop crying. Why is life so unfair. I know so many people who get pregnant and act like it was the worst thing that could have happened to them and they go on to have a healthy baby and here we wanted this baby so bad and this had to happen...i dont understand it. If anybody has any advice on how they coped with a miscarriage I could really use it. No one in our family even knows we did IVF so I cant really turn to them right now.
ME 27 DH 28
3 IUI's - BFN
2nd IVF - Beta 12/23 - 188 BFP!!!!!!
Beta # 2 - 12/25 - 433
1st Ultrasound 1/1/09 - TWINS!
IT'S A BOY AND A GIRL!!!

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Postby wishfull27 » Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:54 pm

Hi Anie - I am sorry I cannot help you with coping - but just to let you know you and DH are in my thoughts at this very difficult time .. you must take time to grieve and cry, scream, rant all you want this is what this board is for .. but you must remember at leaast now you know you can actually become preganant .. which is one step further than got before and you have two frosties left waiting ready for your next try x

Sending you big hugs and love across the ocean

Carolyn xxx
IVF 4 BFP
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Postby sonu911 » Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:01 pm

Hi Annie

I am so sorry for your loss. I know nothing is more difficult than knowing that you have miscarried your little angel.

But believe me, that little angel came with a purpose. As Carolyn mentioned it gave you a hope that you can get pregnant. This is what my doc told me when I miscarried in May. He said that you are unhappy because you have lost a child but I am happy to know that your reproductive system works. And he was right, I got pregnant again ofcourse with IVF within one and half months!!! And this was my 4th attempt with IVF. I got pregnant with FET and my first 3 IVFs produced no results.

So dear, take time to grieve but gather courage to stand up again and believe that if this can happen to me, it can happen to you as well.

Have faith!!! God is watching us all the time.

Hugs...
Me,DH-35
3 ICSIs-BFN
FET-BFP/mc@7wks
4#ICSI-BFP
Anay came on 17th FEB, 2009
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Postby godblessus » Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:46 pm

Annie, Actually I was in your situation, a little different ...becoz of tubal pregnancy growing in my tube from my second IVF Cycle...most painful period were those 3 weeks following my tubal pregnancy diagnosed ..i had to take treatment for the tubal pregnancy...i would get shots in butt ...not progesterone in oil ...but methotrexate to kill my little one suspected to be stuck at a wrong place...at the end of 3 weeks i had frequent blood work to check for successfully falling beta...it was damn painful for me ....i was proclaimed beta 0 by my elated nurse... i have overcome my grief now ...i did take 2 weeks to come back to normalcy...meet friends who dont about ur ivf thing....attand function...keep urself amongst people...dont stay alone ...now I am wondering whether i should go ahead with frozen transfer..scared about a tubal again....

Goodluck next time...
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Postby Kate21 » Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:44 am

Hi Anie,

I also went through a similar situation to you. On my 6th attempt I got a BFP, was elated after 6 yrs of trying and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. However on our 7 wk scan to check how many/heart beat etc there showed no heart beat - we were devastated. To make things worse the consultant was very dismissive of us and told us to come back in a week to have another look - I knew then what would happen, DH tried to stay positive but I think he knew deep down as well.

I ended up having a m/c at around 9 wks, I decided to let nature take its course rather than having a D & C - I couldn't put my body through anymore at that point.

However, one year on I am preparing to do my last IVF - number 7!! Time is a great healer and you will come through this. I couldn't understand why I was being put through all this suffering when others get pregnant just by looking at their DH! Now I know it is because I will be a better mother and really appreciate having a baby. Right now you need to grieve and then you need to realise it happened for a reason. We weren't in a good position financially to bring a baby into this world, now we are - perhaps that is our reason? Your body now knows how to get pregnant - it won't forget, you will get pregnant again.

Make sure you don't rush into anything, give your body and more importantly your mind time to heal. The girsl on here are fantastic and really helped me, in no other way sometimes than just to let me rant. Don't, whatever you do blame yourself - banish all negative thoughts from your mind and find something that will help you relax.

I am very positive about our next tmt, I changed clinics and found people who really care about us, I don't feel like a statistic. I hope what I've said helps in some small way? What worked for me might not work for you but I am here to listen if that helps? PM me if you want to.

Thinking of you and DH

Kate :D
Me 35 DH 44 unexplained infertility
3# IVF all BFN
3# FET all BFN 4# BFP - no heartbeat @7wks - about to start the journey again!!
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Postby Kate21 » Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:45 am

Hi Anie,

I also went through a similar situation to you. On my 6th attempt I got a BFP, was elated after 6 yrs of trying and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. However on our 7 wk scan to check how many/heart beat etc there showed no heart beat - we were devastated. To make things worse the consultant was very dismissive of us and told us to come back in a week to have another look - I knew then what would happen, DH tried to stay positive but I think he knew deep down as well.

I ended up having a m/c at around 9 wks, I decided to let nature take its course rather than having a D & C - I couldn't put my body through anymore at that point.

However, one year on I am preparing to do my last IVF - number 7!! Time is a great healer and you will come through this. I couldn't understand why I was being put through all this suffering when others get pregnant just by looking at their DH! Now I know it is because I will be a better mother and really appreciate having a baby. Right now you need to grieve and then you need to realise it happened for a reason. We weren't in a good position financially to bring a baby into this world, now we are - perhaps that is our reason? Your body now knows how to get pregnant - it won't forget, you will get pregnant again.

Make sure you don't rush into anything, give your body and more importantly your mind time to heal. The girsl on here are fantastic and really helped me, in no other way sometimes than just to let me rant. Don't, whatever you do blame yourself - banish all negative thoughts from your mind and find something that will help you relax.

I am very positive about our next tmt, I changed clinics and found people who really care about us, I don't feel like a statistic. I hope what I've said helps in some small way? What worked for me might not work for you but I am here to listen if that helps? PM me if you want to.

Thinking of you and DH

Kate :D
Me 35 DH 44 unexplained infertility
3# IVF all BFN
3# FET all BFN 4# BFP - no heartbeat @7wks - about to start the journey again!!
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Postby nickster » Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:38 pm

Annie~
I went through a similar situation just a few months ago. DH and I have been through the ups and downs of infertility for 6 years. This February we did our second try at IVF and just like you, to get that BFP after never being pregnant was amazing. I was truly the happiest person ever. We went for our 6 week ultrasound and found out we were having twins, again couldn't be happier. Then, the doctor called 2 days later and said things didn't look right and it continued to go down hill from there until I miscarried at 9 1/2 weeks.
I know the hurt will never go away but it really does get easier. People told me when this first happened that it will get easier. And of course most of these people had a couple kids when their miscarriages happened, so I thought yeah yeah...whatever. But it really does. I am a Labor & Delivery nurse so trust me if it can get easier for me (and I can still work there!) it can for anyone. Don't get me wrong there are still days I get extremely frustrated, oh and I can't even stand to look at the people I know that are due about the same time I would have been, but it has gotten better every day.
Take time for yourselves to grieve. DH and I made a pact when this happened that we were not going to get forced into any kind of uncomfortable situation no matter who we make mad. We have stuck to that and it really has seemed to help. I wish you and dh the best and after you've had enough time to grieve, don't give up. It looks like you have some frozen embies left for a fet in the future.
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Miscarriage

Postby ekburke » Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:20 pm

hi Ladies,

I too received my BFP in July and Dh and I were elated. It was our first IVF round. Things were fine and my beta kept rising. 2 weeks after finding out I starting to have gushes of blood. I went in and the U/S showed a beautiful bean with a perfect heartbeat. That night I woke up covered in blood so I went in again and this time they found an enormous clot. After five days of in and our of the Dr.'s they concluded that the baby dies as a result of this clot. the Dr. explained that it appeared that a blood vessel was hit during implantation.

I had a D&C last week for the baby and the clot and feel physically better than I had thought. I am mentally devastated and scared to try again. Being this was my first time, I was hopeful and naive. This time I feel that I am somewhat jaded. I am not sure if this makes sense or if anyone else has ever felt this way. My DH wants to try again as soon as we get the beta to 0, but I feel so scared to go through this all again.

I appreciate you letting me vent. I wish you all the best.

Erin
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Postby kerpupples » Wed Jul 30, 2008 7:42 pm

We got a BFP during our second IVF cycle. Betas all looked great, but when we went in for our 6 week ultrasound there was no heartbeat. I miscarried 2 weeks later.

Both DH and I were inconsolable for the next month or 2. It really does start to feel better though and I can say that I don't feel sad about it anymore except for when I see a pregnant woman. And we're both looking forward to our FET this friday.

Hugs to you hon! Take care of your DH during this time and vice versa. You need each other right now.
Amy
Me: 39 DH: 41 Male Factor
3yo DD from FET
IVF PGD clinical trial, FET Jan 2012 Beta 1/14 447, Beta 1/16 1161 U/S 1/30 it's twins!
Graham and Audrey born 9/5/12. 37w4d, no NICU time!
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Postby Mellie197977 » Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:00 pm

HI Annie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it is a tough time right now. I have never had a miscarriage, but trust me I understand your pain. I'm going through my first IVF cycle. I'm nervous and and excited at the same time. I know what you mean about women who get pregnant naturally,and say they would never do it again. that really upsets me. All I can say is try to move forward, I know it is easier said then done!! trust me I know. I have to lose 30 lbs and I quit smoking.I'm doing it!!! it was very hard at first, but I've lost 16lbs so far and I haven't had a smoke for over a month!!! I wish you the best of luck, and you are in my thoughts and prayers:)
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Postby karenvancouverisland » Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:32 pm

hi annie and others. i had a mc beginning of june and was devastated and still am some days, especially lately. the grief came in waves. i thought i was doing ok then about 10 days ago i couldn't stop crying again. the best things i've done for myself- given myself permission to grieve. it 's ok to cry...even 2 months later, and even when it's out of no where and makes no sense at all. the other best thing i did was tell people. what a burden keeping that a secret was to me. it took special courage to tell some people, but what a relief. i needed their support. i'd suggest you consider the same. doing ivf and being pg is all too big to do unsupported. i'm a very private person usually, but all this has changed me, because i need as much love and help as i can get otherwise this IF will suck the life out of me.
i hope your answers come to you and let yourself be loved during this very hard time. hugs, karen
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
feb 21 hb 154
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