Please excuse the negative nature of the following post; I've just gone through my 3rd loss and am not in a particularly good spot. Needed to get this off my chest. Hope you understand.
I hate:
That I have lost faith and don’t know if I’ll ever find it again.
That my husband has to go through this; he deserves better.
That my parents have to worry that they’ll never have grandchildren.
That I’ve gone from being supremely confident (over-confident, some might say) to constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
That my best friend can get pregnant whenever she wants.
That hearing about other people’s joys (pregnancies and births) brings me so much pain.
That my sister-in-law gave birth the week before I was supposed to and now I can’t look at my nephew without thinking about the baby I lost.
That I’m the object of pity.
That I tell people about what I’m going through and then beat myself up about it.
That I can’t solve this problem.
The months February through April; maybe May, too.
That my doctors are always so nice, but never seem to make it happen.
That I allow myself to feel optimism.
That I’m constantly on an emotional roller coaster.
That I know there are worse tragedies in the world and the guilt with thinking I should just suck it up.
When my husband doesn’t want me to be upset or negative.
That it just never works out for me.
The thought of all the money that’s gone down the drain.
The emotional drain of constantly thinking and researching possible causes and solutions.
That teenagers and men and Octomoms can get pregnant and I can’t.
The effect this has had on my life.
The fear that it just may not work out.
That I never have good news to share; only bad news.
That I can’t be a good friend because I’m constantly depressed or involved in my own drama.