Well today at work, my boss gave me a promotion with little bonus, right before he leaves the branch for his vacation. He will be gone for one week, which personally I love so we can pretty much run the place while he is away-- with less tension. But he gave us goals before he left and he told me about the job promotion, but I cannot let the others know until he gets back. It almost makes me think maybe he's doing this to modivate me to work harder while he is away? But the truth is I don't need the additional stress! Seems like I've always put work before family throughout my eleven years of marriage and maybe waiting over a decade to do something about it is my biggest downfall. But when people ask I simply tell them we wanted to be more stable and when they ask me directly if we have any kids, I usually tell them I have two four-legged children, but I never tell them "the spill" or share with them like I do here.
It's ironic that I have one neighbor who lives on the right, that got pregnant 5 months after she married in her early twenties, while he husband works 3rd shift and attends college finshing his degree working endlessly hard. But then I have the neighbor to my left, who has been married 14 years who wanted the nicer lifestyle but then had trouble conceiving. Age might be the factor, but we also know our options are endless when it comes to having a family someday.
What's kind of ironic though is throughout our life we ALL will struggle in life one way or the other. The newly-weds with baby usually are the ones who STRUGGLE with making ends meet and paying the bills. While the ones like myself who waited, but feels stable (she thinks), is the one who STRUGGLES in having the completion of a family. What I'm trying to get at is we all do struggle.. I really don't think the grass is necessary GREENER on the other side. I think it's possibly EVEN muddy, but we don't see that since we have this perspection that their life is better, when honestly it's not. I have learned getting mad, angry to busting my halloween pumpkins, yet doing nothing directly about it will not solve a single thing. It's the art of patience, the skill of chemistry, the piece of the puzzle that fits so perfectly...but more than anything I believe we shouldn't have to go through this alone. More than anything we there are a whole lot of avenues out there for us to explore.
*Sometimes, those STRUGGLES in life are what makes us STRONGER...We begin to see things in a new light and it might even take us down a different path. But I feel IF we hold on to our dreams and keep them alive so close to our heart, we will find the best way to make it happen. We just cannot lose focus on our dream, our future!
Married 13 yrs
1 natural pg- m/c at 7 wks
(2010-2012) 4 IUIs, 2 IVFs
FET cycle 2/25/2013
Beta: 95, 390, 1361
3/27 HR 140
4/10 HR 184
4/17 Released from RE
6/21 Found out we are having a BOY!