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Hi! I'm new!

Postby mizma » Fri Dec 15, 2006 10:34 am

Hello everyone!
I'm new here ... actually I'm new to the whole IVF process. I moved to Europe with my husband about 5 months ago. We have been together since I was 22 (now i am 32). I bought a fertility monitor and after a few months of using it I decided to buy a sperm test for my husband.. it came out low sperm count. This was done 5 days before we moved to Europe. The next day we went to a friend who is a microbiologist and had my husband sperm tested. I remember getting the envelope with the results and taking it home to read the news.. I couldn't believe it- it was low, with bad morphology and motility. The next day we had to move to another country with only 5 months of language training and I had to begin working with children. It was so hard to concentrate on anything else or even smile. 3 months later the fertility appointments/tests began. I had my first icsi blastocyst tranfer this week. I am so confused because up till last month everytime before I got my period I felt that maybe I'm pregnant! I had hope! The last sperm test my husband had showed that his sperm had improved greatly but the doctor decided to go through with icsi, even with the positive news about the sperm test, I have no hope left. I don't feel pregnant (before even when all was against us, I always felt a little positive). I know it's normal not to feel pregnant 3 days efter ET but I thought that I would have hope! Are these normal feelings? If I feel like this now , how can I go through another cycle.? I just can't be positive anymore. I don't want to worry my husband so I pretemd to be happy and feel ok and I have no one to talk to. There's no point telling my family.. they're so far away. I just want to be positive about this experience!

I hope this wasn't too long! I thought my history would help explain my feelings.
Thanks!
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Postby Tex » Sat Dec 16, 2006 3:25 am

Welcome Mizma!

I am sorry to hear about your emotional ups and downs over the past several years. How difficult it must be for you to start this whole process so far away from home and your usual support system. You are not only dealing with hormonal fun, but more than likely a bit of culture shock.

I'm new to ICSI myself and the whole IVF process, so I don't know if I have a great deal of personal insight into what is normal and what is not, but from reading the responses from the amazing women on this site, I think I can safely tell you that you have found a great place to ask questions (and I mean ANY question) and express your feelings.

Since it seems like you might be spending a great deal of time worrying about worrying everyone else, pregnancy and I suspect (with the move) a host of other things I'll tell you a little trick that I have picked up over the years that works for some folks.

Agree to let yourself worry, but schedule a time in the day to do it. Everytime you get distracted with your own worrisome thoughts - write yourself a little note so you don't forget about them and stick the note in your pocket. At the end of the day - or whenever works take out the notes, read them over and allow yourself like 15 minutes to really concentrate on your concerns - preferrably while DH rubs your feet (or whatever relaxes you). Some people (including me) find this has the duel effect of keeping one more focused during the day and reducing the intensity of the actual worrying time. :shock:

Anyway, some find this helps. If not, well sign on and vent here. There are several of us cycling with you under general forum / Dec-Jan cyles. The ladies there (esp Aunty Pepples who tries to keep us all organized) are fab.

Keep in touch and best of luck to you! 8)

Tex
38yo
first ivf 12-06
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Postby sassynlv » Sat Dec 16, 2006 6:43 am

Mizma: Welcome to the board. You are in what we refer to as the "dreaded 2 week wait". Waiting for pg test after ET is torture. i just did my third IVF/ICSI cycle, but have only made it to ET once (FET scheduled next month). We have severe male factor as well as egg quality issues. I know that the emotional rollercoaster you are on now is VERY typical. This whole process is cruel and very difficult. While cycling, my mood shifts every few hours, and seemingly for no reason.

I agree wholeheartedly w/the advice Tex gave to you (nice call, Tex!). I have started to do that myself, and i use it not only for worrying, but also for grieving my bfns. works like a charm. The feelings and worries you have are valid, so denying them won't really get you anywhere...but having a way to channel them so that they don't continue to consume you is very healthy. i know you are worried about doing another cycle if this doesn't work for you. I can relate. after my neg on #1 IVF, i thought there was no way i could do it more than 2 times total...and here i am just finished my #3. Take everything one step at a time...otherwise it is bound to get overwhelming.

This board is a great place to find support. Especially as it sounds like you are far from home. btw, do you mind me asking what country you are in???
6 fresh IVFs plus one cancelation
Last Chance FET--- Pregnant with triplets!
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Postby mizma » Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:15 am

Thank you both, Tex and Sassynlv!

I will try to be more positive. I relate the move to our problem. We had been planning on this move for 3 years. Our plan was to move in 2006, start a family and return to the US after 4 years. My husband found a good job in a coorporation. I thought that I would be pregnant before the move. We have been trying for a little over a year but I just had a hunch that something could be wrong. To be honest since I thought I never had a regular period (then I thought 28-35days wasn't normal) and may be I should get checked then I saw a sperm test in a pharmacy and just bought it. It stayed in my closet for 3 months. Then right before out move my husband took it. We considered not moving but a RE told us that Sweden is a very good country to go to for IVF. The only thing is that in most or all Scandinavian countries only 1 embryo can be used for ET unless the ER thinks 2 embryos might be needed ( we had 1 embro, blastocyst, transfered). Yesterday every feeling I had I related it to getting my period. I feel as if the first month of ttc I was 100% excited and felt pg and every month that deminishes. I admire all of you who have the strength to be positive! I am new to all ttc and IVF should I be feeling so bad? I am usually a very positive person and always try to look at the bright side of everything. Hopefully I will be that person once again.
I wish the best of luck to both of you and to all ttc!


Mizma

32yo (almost)
DH 32
first IVF ICSI Dec 06
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Postby Tex » Sun Dec 17, 2006 1:14 am

So Mizma, What kind of MD are you? Tex
38yo
first ivf 12-06
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Postby Ange » Sun Dec 17, 2006 5:40 am

Mizma,

Welcome to what I hope you will find an incredible support system and awesome group of ladies.

I am also in my first IVF cycle and had my ET on 12/12. So I'm with you during this torturous 2WW along with Tex. Every little sign is analyzed, I swear I can stub my toe and wonder if that means I'm pregnant!

All the hormones, shots, meds, and mood swings doesn't compare to this waiting perios. Even my stepdaughter who I dragged with me everywhere today so I wouldn't have to carry heavy packages, accused me of being totally out of it. You can't help but be pre-occupied. Tex had wonderful advise (great to have a therapist on board!). I'm sure it is doubly hard for you without your immediate family and support sytem nearby. You can feel comfortable to ask any questions, here. There are no boundaries and nobody is judged. Ask away!

Hang in there and check out the board for December-January IVF's, it also has women in the same cycle as us as well as others who have been through, planning to go through it again and just a bunch of great ladies.

Ange
me 43 dh 50
2 failed IUI's 9/06 10/06
1st IVF 12/06 - BFP; m/c
2nd IVF 2/06 - BFP TWINS!

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Postby mizma » Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:32 am

Hi Tex

I'm a specializing in pediatrics. I haven't finished yet. Now I work in a hospital here in Sweden (it's volunteer work). So as you can imagine it's hard being around children right now.

Mizma
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Postby Tex » Sun Dec 17, 2006 10:53 pm

Wow Mizma, I guess if you get kinda down at work being around kiddos can be like rubbing your nose in it all hu? At the same time I bet the parents find you to be exceptionally compassionate, being a person who is very much aware of how precious chidlren are to their parents.

So how have you been feeling anyway?

We are thinking about you! Tex
38yo
first ivf 12-06
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Postby mizma » Mon Dec 18, 2006 3:23 pm

Hi Tex!

Yeah.. it's pretty hard. Went home early today couldn't control myself, I just wanted to cry and I felt light cramps (which could have been just in my mind). I came home before my husband so I can cry and not worry about worrying him. The first couple of days after the ET I felt like " I 've done everything I can!" I slept better than I had in months, but on Friday I just felt down again. I hope it's the hormones. I don't interpret every emotion,symptom, sign, ect the same way I would if I had a patient asking me questions about the above. I have another five days, I hope tomorrow is better.

How have you been doing?

Mizma
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