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REALLY FRUSTRATED

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REALLY FRUSTRATED

Postby THE KIM'S » Tue Aug 05, 2008 3:22 pm

Hello, i have turned to the message boards because no one in my life is able to offer the kind of support i think i need at this time, i really need someone to understand what i'm going through not just listen to it and sympathize with my plight.

I am currently 34 years old (5 months shy of being 35) and have went through 3 rounds of clomid, i have been diagnosed with PCOS in my early thirties. I just finished my last round of clomid and have just found out that it didn't work.

I don't know how much more of this emotional roller coaster I can take, I have recently been thinking about just letting all of it go and turning to surrogacy even though i don't know where i would come up with that kind of money, the emotional toll this has taken on me is really getting to me and the side effects are getting worse every round that i take.

Along with all of that, it seems like the only thing that my family wants to talk about with me is the current progress, although i know there asking is grounded in love and sincere sympathy for me I cannot talk to one more person that doesn't understand that I just can't RELAX and then it will happen for me.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for on this message board, maybe just a opportunity to vent.
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Postby Miracle08 » Tue Aug 05, 2008 6:24 pm

WELCOME THE KIMS!!!!

First off I am sorry to hear about your IF. I, have been diagnosed with PCOS as well. But unfortunately, we have to undergo IVF because DH has IF problems as well.

I am sorry you are feeling so down. This is a fabulous place for venting, support or just making friends who KNOW what it feels like to have IF.

If you go to the General forum, there is a thread called awaiting treatment...you are more then welcome to come join us. The ladies are fab!!!

So, the clomid didn't work...dont give up. There is so much more to try before going to surrogacy...!!! And like you said, that is very expensive. You can do the injectibles, you can do IUI's and these are fairly inexpensive treatments. Are you going to an RE??
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Postby not hopeless yet » Tue Aug 05, 2008 8:24 pm

Hi Kims-
I, too, have been on this emotional rollercoaster and find that no one can offer support like these boards. So - Welcome!
I have one suggestion: take a couple months break to recoop, re-energize.
I know you feel like time is ticking, but believe me- I've been on the IF ride for 4 years now and I take it one step at a time. When I first talked to my OBgyn I thought "I'll never go through treatment. I can't handle it. I don't want mood swings. I don't want to be poked and prodded." But here I am 6 rounds of Clomid, 2 rounds of injectibles, 5 IUIs and looking at IVF right around the corner. I was only able to get thru it one cycle at a time. One day at a time (literally, since with injectibles they take blood and ultrasound every 2 days and up your meds accordingly.)
There are so many emotions that come with IF and friends/family can't understand what we're going thru. They think they're helping. Sometimes I feel like my dh and I aren't even on the same page. So I turn to the message boards, if nothing else but to vent.
I know you are strong. And you and dh will make a decision to go forward. Either with your own treatment, surrogacy, or adoption. One way or another we will all be parents one day, right? :)
But seriously, over these 4 years I've taken two 2-mth hiatus' and come back ready to go another round. Good luck. Hope to hear from you soon.
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Postby sweetmomi » Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:41 pm

Hi and welcome. I am new to this site as well since my latest round of IVF but am not new to what you are going through. Hubby and I have been trying for 7 years. He has male issues as well so had to go to IVF right away. Been a long road, but we can get through this!
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Postby snapper » Sat Aug 09, 2008 1:35 am

Hi,

I too went through 4 rounds of clomid with IUIs...after each failed attempt, I thought that there was no way I could do it again or handle another failure. But, you know what...I was and am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I just finished my first IVF cycle last month, unfortunately it was not successful...but, I will try again...and I'll keep trying until I get there. Somehow, you find the strength to get through this...

Take the time right now to get yourself strong mentally...I wish I had done that between my IUI and IVF cycle...I didn't realize how important it was and how much I needed some time to let everything sink in. It was like I was caught up in this wave of infertility treatments and just felt like I should keep riding it...but, really I needed some time away from it all.

I've taken a month off from everything and it's been the best thing I could have done...I've been getting my head in order.

I'm telling you...you think you can't do this now...but you may just surprise yourself.
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You are doing great!

Postby ayannelli » Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:48 pm

I just read your posting and I know exactly what is going on. I totally agree with the author who said to take a break--to me it's more like take a deep breath. I have found that I am better to remain positive if I take a moment to center myself and bring myself back to the positive. What you are doing takes so much courage--congratulate yourself and be proud of each step you take.

For my husband and I, we have just begun our third IVF cycle. I never thought I could give myself shots in my abdomin without really a second thought, but I do it. We dream of another child and that is the strength that keeps us going.

We are blessed with a son who just turned 7 years old and he is perfect. We then cared for a foster child for just over the first two years of his life and we know we released a child back into the world better off than when he came into our home. My husband and I know that all children are blessings, whether they remain with you or not.

I do wish you the best of luck and I do understand your frustrations. Growing up I really did not think much of being a parent. Today I would give up everything for my son; being a mom is that great and I do pray you have this experience.

Again, good luck and please know there are a TON of people cheering you and your family to success :)
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Postby THE KIM'S » Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:36 pm

:cry:
I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHO ELSE TO TURN TO BECAUSE ALTHOUGH EVERY ONE IN MY LIFE IS ROOTING FOR ME THEY JUST DON'T GET IT INCLUDING MY HUSBAND. I JUST FOUND OUT YET ANOTHER OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS IS PREGNANT, SHE HAS BEEN TRYING FOR A LITTLE OVER 2 MONTHS AND BAM, PREGNANT. I TRY TO PRETEND TO BE HAPPY BUT SHE IS REALLY WRAPPED UP IN HER OWN HAPINESS TO BE SENSITIVE TO THE FACT THAT I AM STILL STRUGGLING AND I DON'T REALLY FEEL JOY. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALONE OR DEPRESSED REALLY, I WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT THINKS POSITIVELY AND KNOWS DEEP INSIDE THAT IT WILL WORK OUT ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, RIGHT NOW IT JUST FEELS LIKE NOTHING IS WORKING OUT AND NOTHING EVER WILL. I WANT TO CRY BUT EVEN THAT SEEMS NOT TO WORK ANYMORE. ALTHOUGH I KNOW PEOPLE HAVE STRUGGLED FOR MUCH LONGER THAN I HAVE, AS I AM JUST STARTING MY FIRST ROUND OF IUI, I HAVE TO WONDER ON DAYS LIKE THIS IF THERE ISN'T SOMETHING ELSE THAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO TO BE A PARENT. I HAVE PROMISED MY HUSBAND TO DO 3 ROUNDS OF IUI AND AFTER THAT IT IS ON TO PLAN B, I AM JUST TRYING TO GET THROUGH TODAY BECAUSE AS YOU CAN TELL IT IS A VERY HARD DAY.
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Postby snapper » Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:11 am

Wow...I'm having the same type of day today...and I responded to your post a few posts up with a very positive outlook. Today I don't feel positive at all. I just got an email from a friend that she is pregnant...and she has only been trying for 2 or 3 months. She's like the 10th person I know who has gotten pregnant in the time that we've been trying...I feel like this is a cruel joke.

I guess this is why they say infertility is an emotional rollercoster.
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Postby not hopeless yet » Thu Aug 28, 2008 12:58 pm

Hi ladies-
Hang in there... I've been there... I'm still there. And every day another friend tells me she's prego without even trying. Ouch! I'm not sure if I'm getting used to it or just plain NUMB at this point?

And although its overwhelming to think, after 6 mths Clomid + 3 rounds FSH shots with IUI, I will have to move onto IVF, it is inspiring to read other people's stories on here... 3 & 4 rounds of IVF and they finally have a miracle. Of course its not fair. It honestly S-U-C-K-S. But I try to imagine that exciting day when I finally get a BFP.

You're right Kim, even our dh doesn't understand what is going through our heads. But please take this rollercoaster one step at a time. Try to keep your stress level down and your positivity up so these procedures have the best chance of working. Good luck!
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Postby Burley22 » Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:45 pm

I am new to this site as of today. My husband found it for me. He has been so supportive and I feel very blessed for that! We have been trying for 3 years now. The past year of it on meds. 7 cycles of clomid...thought I was going to go crazy...and just thought I had a high tolerance for pain! We moved on to an injection cycle with home intercourse...and that didn't work. We moved on to IVF and I am on my 5th day after embryo transfer (we transferred 1) and I am awaiting my blood test this Friday. Reading what all of you have been through makes me feel better because, as some of you have said, you feel so alone in what you are going through...physically, mentally, emotionally! It is a big rollercoaster but I know that we will all make it through this!! I am so ancy I can hardly think of anything else! I have been experiencing a fever for the past couple of days and am a bit worried about that. My doctor knows, and he said if it gets higher he will call me in some anti-biotics, but advised me to be patient for the preg test on Friday. Had some mild cramping last night as well. No spotting though. Has anyone else experienced the fever?? Good luck to all of you!!
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Postby not hopeless yet » Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:05 pm

Hi Burley-
Keep us posted on your progress. And although I haven't done IVF myself, yet, I do remember reading about the fever on other posts... although if you ever question anything call your doctor! Ok, fingers crossed for you. Best wishes coming you way!
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