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Postby Chel » Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:31 am

Hi every one,

I was very happy to bump into this amazing website just a few days ago. I have gone through ivf when I was 24 yrs and it was negative. I was completely shattered and thought I am going to go into depression. I had no one to share my problem. My husband and me did not talk about it since we left the clinic after discovering it was neg. Now I am 29 and have finally gained my strength to do another cycle but I am too scared to face the day of result. Is this normal? How can I bring myself to take it lightly? I am glad that I have found this website. I read many messages posted and felt much better. Now I know that I am not alone. Please give me some advice. thanks in advance!
me 30 DH 37
1st ICSI -ve 2002
2nd ICSI in May/June +ive (BFP) praying hard for a smooth 9 months
Posts: 117
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:15 am
Location: Singapore

Postby DebraP » Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:28 pm

Hi Chel and welcome. You're being too harsh on yourself to expect to take 'it lightly'. Impossible, for all the important reasons :) What we're trying to do is complicated, full of hormones, natural emotions, big-time loss of privacy of what should be a natural and private moment with DH. The term 'roller coaster' us used a lot and it's 100% accurate.

My advice is to prepare your body as best you can. Read some of the excellent books (Zita West amongst others), take control of your nutrition, exercise, diet etc. Feel that you're doing all that you can. Help DH get ready too, if you've 3m before tmt you can directly affect the quality of his side of the deal. Next, I'd say as soon as you know when you'll cycle, join the monthly buddies thread over on the General Forum. People group together according to when they're going through tmt, usually at least 1-2 months in advance and shart sharing thoughts, worries, laughs and support. You then stay chatting together all through tmt and into the 2ww. It's so much easier to do this with women going through the same procedures.

Good luck and hth
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 2784
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2003 4:40 pm

Postby Sand » Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:45 pm

Hi Chel

Welcome to the Site and pleased you've found us. Debra's given you some excellent advice - information/preparation is the key.

The boards are very busy and I'm sure you'll find lots of support here.

Good luck with your next cycle.

Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
Board Veteran
Posts: 3364
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2004 11:35 am
Location: Lancs, England

Thank you

Postby Chel » Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:42 am

Thank you Debrap and sand, you have given me wonderful advice. I can't tell you how happy and confident I am now. I will give it all this time. Once again thanks............
me 30 DH 37
1st ICSI -ve 2002
2nd ICSI in May/June +ive (BFP) praying hard for a smooth 9 months
Posts: 117
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:15 am
Location: Singapore

Postby cmg » Tue Oct 11, 2005 2:17 pm

Hi Chel and welcome to the site.

It's a very tough thing you're taking on and I don't think there's any way around the inevitable emotional rollercoaster, particularly the waiting to see if it's worked. You just have to go through it and I think the most important thing is to make sure you have the right support. You'll get an incredible amount of support here - like having your own cheerleaders, best mates and agony aunts all rolled into one. But I would encourage you to talk to your husband more about it as well. You're asking a lot of yourselves to go through something so painful as a failed IVF and not to talk about it at all. There's so much support you could be offering each other and you are both likely to have strong feelings about it.

If you find it hard to discuss it together, your clinic should have counsellors available and perhaps you could see one together. It can help bring you closer and help you feel like you're really going through it as a couple. Also, if you haven't had a chance to talk to anyone about your last cycle, you may have feelings and fears left over and it might be useful to talk to someone about those, either with your husband or on your own.

I wish you well with it. The really positive thing you can think about is that you are still young (especially from where I'm standing!) so your chances of success are much higher. Do you know when you're likely to be starting?

love Caroline
me - 44, DH - 48

2002 ectopic (natural conception)
2004 1st IVF cancelled following brain seizure
2005 June/July 2nd IVF - negative
2005 Nov FET - postponed cos my Mum died
2006 - Feb FET planned, but neither frostie survived the thaw.
Posts: 336
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2004 2:28 pm

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