Hi, im new and from the UK - feeling down :o(

[Welshgirl38]

Hi
Im new to this site - so will take this oppurtunity to introduce myself -
Im on my first IVF treatment.
Im 38, i live in the UK and have been with my husband for 6yrs.
My story is complicated, my infertility is basically my own fault
I already have 2 children, aged 16 and 18 (from my first marriage)
After having them i decided that i didnt want any more, so i was steralized(something that i deeply truly regret now)
I also have mild endo, which the doctors have told me would contribuate to being infertile should i have not been already steralized.
To cut a long story short, my 2nd husband doesnt have any chlidren of his own so we are trying on IVF, the only way the doctor told us that it would happen is to bypass the steralization and endo - and go straghit for the IVF treatment.
I started the superfact injections (i would rather inject than sniff up the nasel spray ) on 27th July, i got my period, and had a scan on the 16th of August. Was told i was ready for the Menopur, and started these on the 16th (wednesday last week)

I cant talk to no one at home here, as no one knows that we are on the IVF treatment (only my chlidren) and i feel sometimes that i want to scream at people and say 'DONT U KNOW WHAT IM GOING THROUGH' which would be really silly - because no one does know appart from people in here.
Im not quite sure how i am suposto feel - before i started the menopur injections, i was miserable/tired/irratable/sad - and basically exhausted, my bones ached, and my thighs were black and blue from the injections (they staill are actually!) Once i started the menopur, i felt a lot brighter in myself, but the last day or so i am begining to get 'down' again.
Im getting a dull ache (like a dull period pain) and i also feel (now this is the only way i can explain this) - heavy - i dont mean my weight, i mean my stomach. Its not sore to touch, but it feels really heavy, like its flopped down. Help! I dont think im explaining this well enough lol.

I have an appointment for a scan on Wednesday morning (that will be exactly a week of taking injections) to see if everything is going well - I know i can tell the doctor all this, but even tho he is a wonderful doctor, i dont think he would really understand - thats is why i have come here for some advise.

I dont even know if i should be here, like i said, i already have chlidren, and i feel gulity at times for moaning the way i do, for being desperate for another child when there are women out there who would love to be in my position - i spoilt it for myself by being steralized, i feel like im being punished for having the operation. My 2nd husband is a wonderful lovely man who would do anything for me and the girls, i have a lovley happy family life, people will think well why cant she be content and happy with what she has got. Before i started the treatment, i promised myself that we would get thru it, and if it worked it would be great, but that if it didnt - it wouldnt be the end of the world -

Ive changed my mind .....

I cant help the way i feel, the way things are turning out, its like being on an emotional roller coaster - i tht it would be so easy, a few injections here and there, a prod and a poke from the doctor - and hey presto - one healthy bouncing baby.
Its really not that easy is it ..... i cant beleive how gulable i was, i feel such a fool.

Will i start to feel happier again soon (i dont think i can take much more of feeling down the way i do)
Am i supposto get a dull ache, and the heaviness feeling?

I dont think im normal - i want to scream .........

[M]

Hi,

You really shouldnt be so hard on yourself, everyone makes decisions that they regret and no one knows what the future has is store from them. You did what you thought was right at the time and now you have the opportunity to change that decision. You need to remain positive, can you speak to your DH about how you feel? I know thats easier said than done, me and my DH found out 11 days ago we needed IVF and we are both dealing with it very differently. Whilst I want to talk about it my DH hasnt mentioned it once. Ive tried to talk to him but we end up arguing, at the moment things are very strained but hopefully they will better. I guess he is feeling all sorts of things, depressed and shocked that he has problems with his sperm, his male ego has taken a battering there, but also guilt as he knows all Ive ever wanted is a family and he cant give that to me.

Everyone in this forum will have their stories to tell and everyone has been so lovely. If you need to talk then you have come to the right place, there will always be someone in here that will listen to you.

Remember POSSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE x