Guilt....I know all about that! But really, what does it help? There is nothing you can do to change the past, and if running made you happy and you weren't wanting children--then it sounds like it was the right choose for you then. I don't know your age, but that can make a big difference....
It sounds like you have a very supportive DH
is the acronym used on this site
). Embrace that and him...your love and connection are really so important through all of this. IVF and any ART can really take a lot out of people and out of relationships. I can attest to that! And feel free to use this site to vent and talk...it can really help to get support from other women who truly
understand what you are going through. I have tried to talk some to my family and friends, but they don't really understand, and often say things that they mean to be helpful but end up hurting. Especially since I had such a horrible reaction the first time with IVF and ended up in and out of hospital almost 6 weeks and could have died. My family really doesn't understand why we'd try it again after that! So, I have stopped talking to most of my friends/family about it. But, that leaves one isolated....and there are some parts that I don't even want to talk with DH
about, so that leaves this site. There are so many women here with powerful stories....very strong IVF women...women who have been through cancer, 5+ cycles, (one woman is on her 14th!!), cycles that get cancelled, etc. Also, once you get a positive pregnancy test, the stress isn't over. I've had one end in ectopic and another in a miscarriage....those were both very devastating. I had already started using this site for support when I had the miscarriage, and honestly--I don't know how I could have made it without these women's support.
So--sorry for going on so much about myself, but I wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!! Far from it.
My suggestions? Get support from those around you that are able to provide it, and stay away from--or don't tell the people around you that don't "get it".
Second, do things that make you happy and feel peaceful--yoga...light exercise (lol)...acupuncture (I had my 1st one the other day--no needles in my face) and I loved it...massages..gardening..hobbies...pets...etc because it is important to not only be focused on reproduction.
third--make sure you have a good relationship with your RE
(reproductive endocrinologist). I have changed clinics three times now. Not because I am finicky, but because the 1st place was so aggressive they almost killed me---literally. The second was so unkind and aloof I felt awful the entire time, until I found my current clinic--great doctor, wonderful nurses and all around positive energy. In fact, I am going "backwards" in a sense right now trying IUI instead of IVF, but am very happy I am, and wish I had tried this first! I am very hopeful...
Fourth--get good support from board like this, or support group, or counseling. (I went to a counselor after I was hospitalized so long to deal with all the stuff from that). Any and all of these are wonderful and there is no shame in it.
Fifth--understand your treatments and options. The first time I was too excited and just did whatever I was told without understanding a thing. The second 2 cycles I was very intimidated by the clinic and was made to feel bad if I even asked a question. Now, I am much more actively involved with my RE
and have great communication. I understand, and am active in making decisions, even in what medicine I take!
And finally--take good care of your body. But don't have to be "crazy" about it,
I wish you the best....feel free to share more of your story and any questions you may have.
Regarding DHEA...it is a natural supplement that decreases with age in your body. If taken (75 mg) daily for at least 7 weeks prior to a cycle, there are some studies to show that it can increase your # of follicles. Google it and you can find some studies. I believe there is a clinic in NY that has done some. From on this site, some women swear by it, a lot of clinics don't use it, but the only negative I have heard is that you shouldn't take it once you start stimming or might be pregnant because it could have some negative affects on the developing embryo. Also, some women report side effects. Read up and decide for yourself...I don't ever want to tell someone what they should or shouldn't do. This is such a personal adventure.
Well--my goodness! I have never had a post so long...sorry!