Just quickly checking in. Thanks first for all the supporting words - to help drag me kicking and screaming out of the doldrums.
Melmar/kizmet - There is little worse than seeing that BFN line - melmar you described in perfectly - even though your head knows 10 dpo is still too early - its absolutely wrenching - I just feel like rebelling against the whole thing too - not going to get my blood test and just wanting to stick my finger up at the whole thing - which I did very pathetically by drinking a cup of coffee - (ooooh scary!!) - stupid I know.
Kizmet - was so bummed to see you feeling low
and feel much better that your 'back on the horse" so to speak.
It's such a bummer that it does rip so much out of you, and must be harder when this impacts on things that are really a big part of your life. I used to run and play lot of football and touch rugby - and found it hellish stopping - also because all the adrenalin and endorphins and release you'd usually get from it - are all now just blocked and bounce around which must contribute to the frustration and everything else. Goodness - you have 28 horses!!!! Thats amazing - and then I had to laugh when someone asked where you keep them - and you have not one . . . but 3 farms!!! Wow what a difference from city life that must be!! Are you kind of a country girl growing up out of town your whole life - or did you grow up in the city?? My DH's dad manages a sheep farm in NZ (no jokes please) and I love going up there - just a different life - although I am completely hopelessley unoutdoorsey and don't even like driving the quad thingy. Well kia kaha - not long to go now - and glad your feeling positive.
Blair - could they make this any more hellish if they tried? Tell me its not a routine stitch? Is this because your prone to or have experienced "incompetent cervix" they don't stitch up everyone that goes through right? Just one more obstacle on this nutjob journey I guess!
Itsmyturn - enjoy that wonderful feeling! We're so happy for you.
Jersey and Yarnista - hope you ladies are well. Whats going on in your respective corners?
AFM: Feeling better - though still desperado because this feels like end of road and can't see what options are if this doesn't work. I took another POAS on both 11 and 12 dpo (sucker for punishment) both BFN. . . .
.... but if I twist and turn at different angles in the light and hold up to the sunlight (tell me we all do that crazy stuff right??!!) - I am either going out of my mind or there is a glimmer of an impression of a hairline line - its not even a line in fact - and hardly visible to naked eye . . .so I don't know what to think. Seriously I think I could be imagining things - sometimes I can't see anything at all - and at 12 dpo wouldn't there really be something I could actually see . .. so its cruel and crazy to get my hopes up ... but is it a teeny teeny tiny eeny weeny glimmer nontheless?!? I don't know .....