I am feeling kinda down today, and I don't know why! I started stimming today and I have been so excited to get started with this IUI and the new doctor. I have been so hopeful and positive and then today: crash. Makes no sense. I guess it is just the worry about the BFN or worse.
I tried to talk to my sister some today: BIG mistake. She just turned 40, no kids, married one year and about to start trying. She is all pumped up and --in my opinion--very unrealistic about her odds. Despite her debilitating endo (similar to me) and knowing all my history she thinks that she and her DH will get pregnant within 3 months. She goes on and on about how so many women over 40 are having babies without ART, etc...so if I start with any insecurities, she just tells me not to worry, it will probably just happen naturally. That doesn't help me when I am feeling stressed because I think the doctor is stimming me too low. (The nurse says they will cancel my cycle if I get too many follicles.) Too many?!?! How many would be too many for a 43 yr old with only one tube?!?!?
I think I could have 12 on one side and still not guarantee a pregnancy and she wants to talk to me about trying for 3 follies? Really?!?! We are self-pay at this point....at that rate, my guess is I'd need to do about 5 IUI's and believe you me, I don't have the money, nor the emotional energy to go through that much more.
Stupid Jon and Kate and Octomom make everyone terrified of crazy multiples....which just gets in the way of my chances of getting one baby. I've had 4 embies put back in me 3 times. 1st-ectopic. 2nd-BFN. 3rd-miscarriage. If that is the result with 4 fertilized embies, what good are 3 follies?!?! Oh wait, let's not forget the chances of miscarriage at my age: 50-effin-%. So even if I do get pregnant, I have a 50% chance of losing it...yeah, conservative seems the way to go....NOT.
I'll see the doctor on Tuesday--when I have my next u/s, bloodwork, and HSG and so I will talk to him then. He seemed really reasonable and sympathetic. Hopefully he will understand. Sigh.
Sorry to be Debbie Downer today, but I really need to vent. There really is no one in my life I can just let it out with in regards to this topic..except here. I so wish I had discovered y'all during my first 2 IVF cycles!!
Take care all. And thanks for listening. Really.
Me: 44, endo. & 1 tube due to rupture
DH 36 fine
IVF#1 double ectopic/severe OHSS 12/08
IUI#1, #2, and #3, 2010 BFN
IVF#4-2/11 HPT=BFP 11dpo; 13dpo=240! 15dpo=653, 20dpo=5522,3/29=u/s-1sac1yolk 4/4=2 HBs!