Sunshine – Brazil is great, laid back people. I used to work for the government there, and I had 30 day vacations, here I have only 10 vacation days!! I also had bonus paid vacation, 3 months of vacation paid. Maternity leave is 6 months. But there is a lot of violence, crimes, and also corrupt politicians.
Yes, I am back in college to improve my English skills, right now I am taking math classes (algebra). It will be nice to have a college degree from the US.
Don’t feel sorry for venting. I love this board too, you guys are the only ones that understand what infertility is like. I hate to see pregnant women and babies, they just remind me of what I don’t have. All my friends are pregnant or have babie, its so hard on me.
It is normal to feel the way we feel, but I have a problem with anxiety since I was little. I have always been like this. When I had to do my thesis presentation in Brazil, I couldn’t sleep. After the stressful situation is over, I am ok again. With infertility, I don’t know when the baby will come, so this makes me more and more anxious and stressed. I just hate it, but what can I do? My mother is like that too, when she wants something it has be be now. Anxiety really gets me when I am under stress.
I get panic attacks when someone ask “when are u having a baby?” seriously, I just want to run away and cry. I start sweating and shaking.
Next week I am seeing the RE to go over the results of our genetic tests, I will try to wait until then to start taking the Lexapro. I want to ask the RE before starting using it. My family doctor said that it is fine, that even pregnant women can use it, but I want to make sure.
Don’t be mad at your hubby, all these feelings are normal. I am so obsessed with babies, ivf, adoption, that’s all I look up in the internet all day long.
I am not really looking forward for the next cycle (oct). I am ok with the shots, ER, etc, I can deal with that. I just cant deal with another BFN. Seriously, how can we prepare for that?? We put so much hope and then… I was so positive before and I think that was the problem. With my previous attempts I wasn’t so hopeful so I was ok after the BFNs.
I have been listening to a relaxation track that Ninde sent me and it has been very helpful, it helps me fall asleep faster. Also, I started to focus at work too. Maybe you can ask Ninde to send it to you too, you can listen to it with your DH before you go to bed. Take care.
Nicole - I hope you feel better.
Me: 31-PCOS, endometriosis, adhesions, abnormal blood flow to the uterus, rare cystic fibrosis mutation)
DH: 43-1% normal sperm
TTC since Feb 2010
3 failed IUIs
3 failed IFVs
April 2013: Laparoscopy to remove endo & adhesions
Sept 2013: Natural BFP!