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IVF as the only option.

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IVF as the only option.

Postby andy » Tue Apr 12, 2005 4:51 am

Hi there,

I am 27 with blocked tubes. We were "lucky" since I had a wonderful doctor who didn't believe in trying for years before he would run all the tests. Sooner than we thought we knew our only option is IVF, but now I am facing an operation where they want to take the tubes out to not lower my IVF chances.

I am having a real hard time with knowing I will be "sterile" before we even start IVF. It's been months now, and lot tears later, and now we have to wait how the operation goes before we get to start.

How do you cope? Somehow I have a problem with the "world" around telling me how lucky we are to catch it this early, and how a lot of people go through this. I doubt it takes away the pain from the reality we can't concieve and someone else has our happiness in their hands. No more dreams, that one day the period is late and the test is positive...

Does anyone feel the same?

Andrea
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Postby LittleP » Tue Apr 12, 2005 8:54 am

Andrea

Firstly, welcome to this site - you have come to a place where there are plenty of girls who will be able to offer you the support and encouragement you need. We all understand how you feel.

When you feel ready come and join us all in the General Forum - just jump into any thread that you like the sound of, or start your own. :wink:

I know it's hard being told news like this, but now you've joined us tell us how you feel, when you need to scream or cry or just shout about something because we will understand and support you.

Good luck with everything and again welcome - remember we're all here to help when you are ready :!: :D :D

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Postby jdd2131 » Tue Apr 12, 2005 2:53 pm

Hi Andrea,

I know exactly how your feeling, but I lost both my tubes through 2 ectopic pregnancies, one in 1996 and the second in 2001! After many months of tears I thought that's it no chance!! How wrong I was!! My first attempt at IVF failed, my 2nd attempt worked and I now have a beautiful 19 month son.

You sound as if you have a wonderful doctor who really wants you to have everything perfect before you start IVF, to give you the best chances at conceiving!!

So just try and keep positive and know that there is hope out there.

Good luck to you

Julia X
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Postby LittleP » Tue Apr 12, 2005 3:10 pm

Julia

Thanks for sharing that - what a wonderful result :D

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Postby andy » Tue Apr 12, 2005 5:09 pm

Thank you Julia,

I really appreciate your message. Gives me a lot of hope right now. How did you feel after the first attempt? How did you feel after the tubes were out?

And yes my doctor is great. Dr. Ory who was a head of Mayo clinic for 10 years. It's very hard for me though since I feel they take ALL my hope away before they can start giving me some through IVF. It's so much pressure knowing that in a week I will be "officialy" sterile and then wait and see how my post op will go and then we might be able to start. This waiting is the worst. My family and my husbands family are both in Europe and different cultures makes it even more difficult to handle. I can't seem to get pass the response I get here " You can always adopt" as if that was the easiest thing to say to a person who cries himself to sleep at night....

I know how blessed I am with my family, friends and support I get from my husband and yet I feel stunned how easy some people just want me to move on and look at the bright side of this... What is the bright side of 27 year old knowing that for the rest of my life I will never be able to just make love to my husband at a right time and concieve a child....

Thanks for reading,

Andrea
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Postby taylorjools » Tue Apr 12, 2005 8:20 pm

Hi Andrea and welcome :lol:

we all know where you are coming from sweetie. I spent so long being really paranoid about contraception and by the time I started ttc with dh I had POF - went through a really painful route of failed tries to get there. Dh had a vasectomy, and when reversed we were lucky, successful, but we have to have help as his sperms are full of antibodies. The tragedy for us was that I will never have a child with my own eggs, so you see it's relative, in some ways before I came to term with it, I would have given anything, any treatment to have a child with our own genes..

Now it will be our child but in a different way.

What upsets me is the advert running in German telly for life insurance that starts "getting pregnant is easy.............but"

They just don't think do they? :cry:

Stay on with us and you'll soon realise that you are lucky, you have loads of time, and you will have your baby one day, believe it :wink:

LOve bigJ 8)
POF+autoimmune+dh antibodies,5.05 DIVF IM M/c 7.5 wks, DIVF+TESE at ISIDA - son 08/06
FET ISIDA: 12.07.07 m/c 8 wks b.ovum, 17 Dec 2007- BFP triplets OMG!!!
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Postby andy » Tue Apr 12, 2005 8:32 pm

Thank you Taylor,

I know things could be much worse, and for now within the IVF I still have a lot of hope. I am very sorry to hear that you need donor egg, and honestly that I am thinking of paying back my "fortune" - if we have succesfull IVF by donating my eggs. The reality we don't know whether things will go well, we haven't started yet- and you do read about all the "perfect candidates" and they still many unsucessfull cycles, but not giving it ALL we got will be the worst right now.

Waiting for the operation, just thinking and waiting sucks. :oops:
But I know what it's like wanting the experience of being pregnant more than anything, to start the path with your child 9 months before anyone else seems to be worth anything right now. SO I have hope, a lot of hope, I joined this site that is HOPE CENTRAL!!!! :P

How did cope with having to have donor eggs? Is that something you need to pay extra for? Do you have donor? How does you dh feels about donor eggs?

Thank you for sharing.

Andrea
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Postby jdd2131 » Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:05 pm

Hi Andrea,

In response to your questions, after I lost both my tubes to be honest I was inconsolable! It was the thought that I would never be able to fall pregnant naturally that I had to get to terms with!!! I supose anyone who has gone onto IVF has felt like this at some time or another, but once you start talking to people its surprising how many are in the same or worse situations. I also got well you could always adopt, which was always of of people that had their own children and didn't really understand what I was going through as they had their children!!

After my first IVF failed I had a break for about a year and for me personally the second time I went through it I was alot more relaxed as I knew what was happening.

Although you may be clinically sterile it doesn't mean you ARE sterile!!!!
You just have to try and stay positive (easier said than done) and know that there is help out there.

Take care and good luck with your operation next week.

Julia X
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Postby AliasR » Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:54 pm

Hi there Andrea

it really broke my heart to read your post cause i know how you're feeling but GOOD NEWS! joining this board has helped me so much! Everyone has a story to tell and you'll find some of the wisest women in the world here. i feel like tons have been lifted and i seem to deal much better with the "world" now.

Our problem is the male factor but believe me it doesn't feel any better. We will never be able to have our own biological child and it's been terrible for us both. being deprived from that makes you rethink a lot of things. the irony of it all is that we can't have any children now because he had cancer when he was a boy and in order to stay alive he had to have chemo and radiotherapy. i'm sure there are all sorts of contradictory feelings going through his mind. i'm just so very happy he's here with me.

but look at the bright side, you WILL be able to have your child some day, you have to believe that. and when you're holding that child everything else will vanish. and the world will make sense again.

i'm getting philosophical... time to go!

Good luck with your tmt! Everything will turn out OK, you'll see. Meanwhile we're here for you so "use us" all you want :wink: !

Take care

Rita
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Postby andy » Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:17 am

Dearest Rita,

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. We both are a problem, and both a reason for IVF, so in a way, I have to admit it's easier since I don't feel guilty to put my husband thorugh this, nor does he for putting me trough it.
It will be a bit harder with tubes out, since he will still have a chance but not me. I also know of we can't do it together I doubt we will chose any other way.

I admire you for your strength and the strength everybody seems to have on this site. All the support I have received in the last 24 hours from total strangers is unbelievable to me. I have always been a very strong and independent woman, always being the one helping and now I am on the other side, receiving and living off of it.

I believe everything happens for a reason, and just to see how many women are so strong and so positive facing life changing situation have opened my world tremendiously.

Thank you for your support, for all strength and I truly hope you will cope with the biological aspect of your situation, and believe that you will the best PARENTS to YOUR child. When you will see your husband holding your child I am sure you will see the best Father ever!

Stay wonderful.

Andrea
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Postby andy » Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:45 pm

Thanks Julia,

you are right. People going through what we are going through are giving unimaginable support because they say and not say what they like or dislike to be said to them.

Not one person going through IVF is going to tell you" but hey - you can always adopt" since they know what it feels like to have that said to them.

Were you in a lot of pain after they took the tubes out? I am in constant pain( discomfort more like it) since I have them filled with fluid and I have one complicated cyst on the right side. My doctor thinks I should feel MUCh better after the operation and that it's realtivily painless, but then I just picked up 3 DIFFERENT PAIN MEDICATIONS that he prescribed...

How did you got your hopes up after the first failed IVF? Did they know why it failed first time? HOw old were you? And how do you RELAX when knowing how IMPORTANT this IVF is to you?

Thank you for responding.

Andrea
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Postby AliasR » Wed Apr 13, 2005 5:05 pm

Well Andrea, you've just made the best compliments to the girls in this website!

you should have met me two weeks ago when i decided to join. i was an emotional wreck, spending my time between crying, being depressed and feeling nobody understood what we were going through. look at me now 8) !

And thank you for your words. for a moment there i truly believed there was a baby in our lives. i had never felt that and i owe it to you. i really mean it. :D

So have faith! WE'LL ALL DO JUST FINE!

keep in touch. i'll be keeping an eye on you!

Lots of love

Rita
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Postby jdd2131 » Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:09 pm

Hi Andrea,

Hope your feeling ok!! After the operation I was in pain for about 4 days and I was in discomfort after that for about 2 weeks, everyone has different pain thresholds so although it was like that for me it could be totally different for you. I was actually cut across the pelvic line, but I have also had keyhole surgery (to try and clear the remaining tube before ectopic), this was on a day case and within a couple of days I was fighting fit again!!

For my first IVf I was 30, for 2nd 31, I don't know why I was more relaxed I think because i new what was going to happen it calmed me a bit.

I hope this has been of some help to you

Take Care

Julia x
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Postby andy » Thu Apr 14, 2005 3:13 am

Dear Rita,

Thank you for your wonderful compliment, and yes I believe that for moments we all believe there is a baby in our lives. We have to, to dream, to believ to have hope, since the other side is very EMPTY.

I have no idea what it must be like facing what you are facing, all I know that you answered ME and I feel honored when anyone from these strong admirable women shares their pain.

I believe we attract the souls out there into our lives and I hope one will like my body as a shelter for about 9 months ... :lol: All we all want is start our journey with our children about 8-9 months prior to the rest of world - does that seem so tough to understand that it;'s worth fighting for???

With donor sperm, do you still need to do IVF? or just IUI?

How is your husband coping with it?

Thank you for keeping an eye on me, I am still a baby to the site, but well supported and comfortable one.

Take GOOD care of you,

Andrea
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Postby andy » Thu Apr 14, 2005 3:16 am

Thank you Julia,

I appreciate you responce. My operation is supposed to be laparoscopic so may be less "cutting", but I am still scared. I wish to have it behind me, since it's been diffucult to sleep lately....But one more step closer to starting IVF - I guess...

Take good care,

Andrea
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