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43 and despondent - encouraging stories needed - please help

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43 and despondent - encouraging stories needed - please help

Postby richan » Tue May 24, 2005 8:03 pm

Please can anybody out there give me some hope? I finally got pregnant naturally last year and I was so thrilled along with DH. However at the thre month nuchal scan, we were told that there was a 1:6 chance that there was something wrong with our baby. Following an agonising 2 week wait, we did a CVS test and the results came back - Trisomy 18. We decided to continue the pregnancy and our baby boy was stillborn at 22 weeks.

We were afraid to try naturally again so decided to opt for IVF and PGS (screening) in January as we are not prepared to use termination as a screening option. I did the first cycle in Feb - great response - 10 follicles and 8 eggs. 4 fertilised but none divided properly. We did PGS but it was a foregone conclusion before that - no embryos suitable for transfer. We waited one month and then started again -t his time I was on the maximum dose and hoped for an even higher yield of eggs. Unfortunately I did not respond as well (has this happened to other people) despite the increased medication. We got 5 eggs but to my joy, 3 fertilised and 2 divided with one going on to clear PGS. We did the tranfer of one embryo (a little girl) and I was so hopeful. You think you have a better chance using PGS as the embryo is tested for chromosomal abnormalities so your chances one would think would be higher than standard IVF when any embroys that just look normal are transferred. I guess I also felt ath God if he allowed us to get so far would let us go the whole way. (I do know my age is against me but hoped because I conceived naturally that that was a plus). Anyway, I got my periods yesterday a whole 5 days before even doing the test. I just feel so gutted and despairing and just feel tearful all the time. It doesn't help that I am working away from home this week. In fact, I am still at work as what's the point in going back to the hotel to just cry?
I would love to hear from other women my age who have had successful outcomes. I am not sure whether to try again. I can cope with the drugs but it's been a tough few months since I lost the baby in November. As I had vagninismus (one of the reasons why I was such a later starter), I find parts of the IVF tough. I know this sounds awful but I am not interested in adoption or DE at least not yet. I know that they are real options for people but I don't know if they are the right route for us. I really wanted our child. My husband is keener on DE than me. Ironically I was more accepting of not becoming pregnant at all until I fell pregnant last year. I feel GOd handed me a gift and then grabbed it back. Nobody seems to undestand. They all just say go adoption or children aren't all they are cracked up to be. I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear. Everything seems pointless and I feel that I have no future. Sorry to be such a whinge. I am normally more positive but am finding things really tough here on my own trying to put on a brave face at work. :cry:
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Joined: Tue May 24, 2005 7:48 pm


Postby DebraP » Tue May 24, 2005 9:15 pm

Hello.....so sorry your tmt looks to have failed. Will you still test? just to be sure?

There's LOTS of hope on the board. There are two places you'll find age specific info. On the General Forum there is a 40+ thread, there are around 3-5 of us on there at any one time. We're all aged between 41-43 and at different stages at the moment - one waiting to test, one about to start a 2nd harvesting cycle, I've just finished a cycle and am busy looking forward to August when we'll go again, finally there are other people of our age around too. Four people (happily) have recently left to join the other source of hope, which is a 40+ thread on the Pregnant After Treatment, one member of which is 47.

We've all got stories and you'll pick up the main data under our names. There is hope at our age.

Good luck
Debra (41)
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 2784
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2003 4:40 pm

Postby AliasR » Tue May 24, 2005 10:23 pm

Hi there Richan

I'm not 40ish (yet) but i couldn't help answering your post.

Debra has given the important info and you will find all sorts of women around here who understand exactly how you are feeling.

If there's one thing i've learned since i joined the board is that no one really undestands what's it's like. They try to say the best things they can think of but unfortunatly it seems the majority do exactly the opposite. Hopefully you'll find here all the support you'll need throughout your tmt.

All the luck to you and welcome!!!

TTC 2y Me 31 Dh 34 NO SPERM - DI
Posts: 892
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:58 pm
Location: Portugal

Postby Sand » Wed May 25, 2005 9:45 am

Hi Richan .. Glad you found us. Sorry you have been through so much already and you've taken this bad news alone. As Debra says, you should still test. Girls have been known to bleed then go on to have +ves.

The success strories on these boards are what we have to focus on, and are what keeps us going. Nip over to the 40+ thread on the General Forum and meet the girls. They're not a bad bunch !

Take care.

Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
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Posts: 3364
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2004 11:35 am
Location: Lancs, England

Postby LittleP » Wed May 25, 2005 9:57 am

Hi Richan

Welcome to the site, and I'm so sorry for your news - although as the others have said, is it worth testing on the official day just to make sure?

Come and join us on the General Forum and meet the other girls. There are so many girls here who are supportive and really helpful when you need that extra friend so when you feel ready come and meet them.

Speak to you soon.

Little P
Board Veteran
Posts: 6173
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 1:15 pm

Postby ogr1 » Thu May 26, 2005 5:39 am

i am so sorry for the hurt and pain that you have been going thrw,..
i wish so much that i could take the pain away..
i can let you know that thre is always hope..
and that you dont ever have to be alone..
i can promise that no matter what you have found friends here..
mc are so hard... and it can cause so many questions and doubt with in yourself and your faith..
but try and hang on..

did you do anything for your child that you mc in november?
sometimes naming or planting a tree helps.. letting ballons fly up in the
air can help..

and please know that you can still bleed and bleed alot and still be pregnant..
so if your on meds keep taking them until your test date..
try and hang in there....
and lean on us..
you do have friends here..
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
Board Veteran
Posts: 4301
Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2003 7:11 pm

Postby NickiMark » Thu May 26, 2005 12:07 pm


I am so sorry to hear that pain you have suffered. Life is so cruel huh?

Anyway, I can help you, I am just on my 1st cycle adn not had success, but being here on this site you will meet lots in your situation and other people will help. Ive met so many nice people here who have made me feel sane!!

Good Luck witht the future x x
TTC 6yrs......Have jumped off the rollercoaster for now, too many BFN's and too much heartache, to keep going....Moving on to fulfil other dreams!!!
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Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2005 5:04 pm
Location: UK


Postby jt » Tue May 31, 2005 11:33 am


I read your post and really was moved by your situation. I have a close friend who went through IVF with donor eggs and she now is the mother of a beautiful baby. She has said on many occasions the fact that the child came from a donor egg rarely enters her mind. She can't imagine loving a child any more than she does this one. She went to an agency in the States run by Shelley Smith and they had hundreds of beautiful, talented, intelligent donors and the donor she chose looked so much like her they could be sisters. The donors are screened for medical and psychological clearance.

If my dear friend had not used this option she would probably still be childless and suffering.

I am not suggesting this is your only option but I would entertain it as a possibility.

She always says about her experience that sometimes life give you lemons and she decided to make lemonade!

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Joined: Tue May 31, 2005 11:18 am

Postby Alette » Tue May 31, 2005 12:19 pm

Your message sounds so sad....

come, join the 40+ item (and then afterwards join us at the 40+pregant side) for encouragment and understanding!!

after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
Posts: 286
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 12:51 pm

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