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my sexual desire has seemed to go down...

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my sexual desire has seemed to go down...

Postby desperate » Mon May 12, 2008 10:44 pm

Ever since my wife and I experienced infertility I've been finding it very difficult to get aroused anymore. Does anyone think possibly I have a mental block on arousal because of my wife not being able to conceive? Anyone else experiencing a lack of arousal? I don't seem to care anymore about sex, and I know that's going to hurt us later.
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Postby Dexter » Tue May 13, 2008 12:56 am

Hi there,

IVF is a very stressful time for both partners and the stress and uncertainty of it all is probably not helping your sexual drive. As long as you keep the lines of communication open and talk about your feelings, your relationship will make it through this patch. My DH and I did not have sex for a while during our treatment, and when I became pregnant we were simply too scared for fear of losing the pregnancy. It's now been 7 months :-/

Talk to your partner. There are many ways to achieve intimacy and I think she'll need your support and understanding more than ever right now. Arousal is a very natural, instantaneous thing for most men but when too much thought becomes involved it is often a passion killer. I only know this as when we were trying to conceive naturally (for years) my DH and I would often argue over my DHs lack of commitment to the "act". He said he felt like an "event planner" which was a turn off to him, and looking back now, I understand why. I was so obsessed by getting pregnant that I was focusing on the outcome and not on my partner anymore.

I'm sure this will resolve for you in time.

Dexter
ME 36-Egg quality? FSH 10.4
DH 39 - Perfect!
Unexp IF - TTC 5years
IVF # 1 Jan/Feb 07-BFN
FET # 1April 07-BFN
May 07 -BFP Natural! m/c 6wks
IVF # 2 -BFN Chemical pg Beta 7
6 blasts on ice -
Try # 4 -FET Nov 07 BFP!! Beta 250 15dpo TWINS!!
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Postby not hopeless yet » Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:15 pm

In the 4 years we've been ttc, I've found it terribly difficult to get in the mood for the "baby dance" so although you 'know' its ovulation time or whatever, you still must do things to spice it up. Maybe one night it involves candles, music, massages... next night a sexy outfit... It is tough though when you know the major reason WHY you're doing it. Good luck!
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still no luck...

Postby desperate » Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:51 pm

:cry:
I appreciate all the support, but point being is that we simply can't conceive. I am getting more angry about it all the time, whereas I think she's accepted it. I can't tell her my feelings because whenever I try to she simply tells me, "you just need to accept it." That doesn't solve the problem. The feelings are still deeply hurt and the pain grows more every day, especially when I see so many women in our church who are expecting. I feel like such a total jerk. I don't know what's going to happen to us, but I can tell things aren't going to be good.
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Postby not hopeless yet » Mon Jul 07, 2008 2:00 pm

Desperate-
I feel the same way...I feel like the bottom line with my dh and me is that we can't conceive either. The doctors can't seem to find any major issues but after 6 mths clomid with IUI, 3 mths injectibles with IUI... still nothing. Man, it reeks havock on your marriage and your emotions. I've definitely considered therapy and I've found that making life feel worthwhile by donating time to homeless shelters and the Big Sister program has helped.
But it certainly does feel like there are pregos everywhere I turn these days. I still haven't accepted that we may never have a biological child. But I don't mind taking a couple months off the fertility rollercoaster (I'm trying to enjoy Big Sisters and we're going on vacation in August). It's better on the marriage as well to take a breather from thinking about babies 24/7.
I only hope that your Faith will somehow help you and your wife.
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