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Why am I so angry? Am I normal?

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Why am I so angry? Am I normal?

Postby Fluffypuppygal » Mon Sep 08, 2008 4:57 am

Okay, this is my first post, and you wil probably think I am crazy, but here we go!

About me - I am a 37-year-old gal who had a miscarraige at 26 and an ectopic pregancy at 27, and then spent years counting cycles and being dissapointed. My husband and I are now making one last attempt with IVF and I am in the "stimulation" phase. The plan is to extract and inseminate the eggs this weekend.

Here is the thing - This summer I have become very angry at single mothers (the 20 and under kind). This has been particularly a hard thing because three young members of my family have either impregnated someone or become pregnant, and all of them are doing the "I'm keeping my baby even though I have no home, no money, no idea of how I'm going to raise it outside of looking to my mom/dad and all the social programs the government can offer."
*It just seems like everywhere I look it is one single pregnant teen after another! Shoot! Even Palin has a pregant teen!! I was talking with a new coworker at work, and she pulled out a picture of her son, who was almost an adult! She had been a pregnant teen!
Is it just me or is there just seriously an army of pregnant teens chasing me around trying to make me miserable?!?

What do I do? I hate feeling this way, but I just can't seem to help myself! Particularly when I can't read a magazine, watch the news, interact with coworkers or socialize with my family without pregant teens or newly single teen mothers being a prominent feature!! Am I nuts? Will this feeling go away if I ultimately have a child of my own? Has anyone else felt this way? What do I do?
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Postby loopie » Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:35 pm

fluffypup- you are not alone- in one way or another, I believe many of us with fertility issues ( and some who are just waiting to be parents without any IF issues) think about this stuff and get very frustrated, angry, jealous and more.

I think of the many years I was trying not to get pregnant, and I felt as though I was being hunted down by a herd of pregnant women in IKEA who were trying to convert me or something. Then, when we pulled the goalie, and were trying with no success- I felt the herd of mommies was taunting me, too, and with even less sensitivity to my plight of infertility.

It is perfectly ok to feel down right pissed off at all of them.

I believe in a woman's right to choose, and I feel that it is a real disservice to the teens of today to be so reckless with their bodies, and subsequently their babies- it is a real shame all around when it comes to teen pregnancy, and until folks are educated, the Bristols, Brittanys and JamieLynns of the world will continue to have sex at far to young an age ending up with babies they neither care about nor care for.

take it easy fluffy- and try to feel positive about yourself and your journey - these hormones we take wreak havoc on our psyches as well as our bodies - feel good about ER and ET - your goal is attainable, and you will be a mom.


Me 41 Dh 41
1st IVF BFP!!! Jan 2008

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Postby Kery » Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:08 am

Hi there
Yes you do have a right to feel that way as there are many women who cannot provide a decent life for there babies. Just remember that some teens make good mums and can provide a good life for them. I became a pregnant teen at 18. I missed the pill for two days and ended up pregnant. His father left me one month after he was born so I was also a single teen mum. I then went back to work and work night shifts so that I could look after my son during the day. I did this for many years so that I could provide a good life for my son. Just remember don't write as all off because we are young mums.
Male factor
April isci - Cancelled
June isci - Failed
Oct iui - BFN
Apri iui - BFP!
DS 1 year
12 yrs
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Postby Fluffypuppygal » Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:04 pm

I think you hit the nail on the head - I just have such a huge mix of emotions about this situation that I can't sort them all out. I'm hoping this feeling will go away as time goes by. Outside of my family, this isn't directed towards any one particular person, except that is does bug the begeezuz out of me that illegitimate offspring from 15-year-olds seems to be the new fashion statement. (This is what my mother and N.O.W. worked so hard for for future women?)

Here is where I get even crazier!!... But I have to say it because I don't think anyone else outside of the infertility world will really understand...
I know my siblings and in-laws are just trying to make the best of things, but I'm dissapointed that my GRAND nieces and nephews will be older than my potential IVF babies, if I am lucky enough to be able to bear them and birth them - which I have my fears about in spades. I think part of my anger is that it is bad enough to have to loose the "fantasy pregnancy" experience of life to miscarraige (baby death), ectopic pregnancy (baby death), and then years of failing to get pregant and the barbs of the "helpful mommies." (You all know what I am talking about!) But now part of that "fantasy family" experience is shot for me, since the birth order is now out of whack.
What a petty thing, right? Except is is just one more piece of that fantasy life experience that is gone for me, and in a way I am grieving for it. Does this make any sense?

Anyway, thanks for all the support!
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Postby sillysqrrl » Thu Sep 25, 2008 7:27 pm

oh do I feel your pain girlfriend...

My two sisters and my brother (all younger) all had children at 19 or 20, none of them are still with the other parent.

My bio sis is actually set for induction of her THIRD child tomorrow...she is 4 years younger than me, all three times she became pregnant on birth control! Talk about unfair! In fact, this last pregnancy was a double surprise as she was having pain and issues and the doc's told her she needed to make a decision about having another baby or having there be a possibility she will not have any more children with the treatment they were considering for her...

well it turns out SHE WAS ALREADY PREGNANT!!! OMG!!! so frustrating...

My best friend, the one that I live next door to, we have known each other for 30 years, well she had a baby 2 years ago. On the same night we had decided that we were both going to try for kids. Within a month she was calling me saying she was pregnant...I have yet to conceive :(

I think this is one pity party we are all entitled to, but we have to remember to try and pick ourselves up and keep going until we decide enough is enough and then we have to remember to keep positive and put our focus on living a happy life no matter what.
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Postby Fluffypuppygal » Fri Sep 26, 2008 3:18 pm

I agree with you. I have been talking with my husband, friends, family about fun/exciting things for the future which don't include family - traveling (the SERIOUS FUN traveling, not the "we're going to visit your sister" trips!), looking into mater's degrees, buying that vacation property up north, etc....
Sillysqrrl, I'm really relating to you right now! I'm seeing a friend of mine for the first time since her honeymoon tomorrow. She told me before she left a month ago that she was going to try to get pregnant while they were in Hawaii. If she tells me she is pregnant, I think I might just shoot myself! (Just kidding - not suicidal!) :wink:
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