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Discussion forum for those particularly interested in insemination using partners sperm, or donor insemination.

Postby Gargy » Sun Mar 04, 2007 3:31 am

Hi Leann,

IUI, IVF and ISCI are all very expensive ways to have children. You and your DH have to have it very firmly in your mind how far you would go and what you will spend. To me, $12,000 is the equivalent of a second car and I would rather have tried and failed to have my DH's child with this same money. So if it was me, and I had that option, I would go with ICSI. The only other thing I can suggest is to shop around - I know in Australia some clinics combine IVF with ICSI for the same cost, and you may find some in America that do the same.

None of these procedures are guaranteed - I have posted earlier about how in the clouds I was the first time I had IUI and devastated when it failed.

As far as DI is concerned, make sure that your DH's brother is happy to donate for altruistic reasons. Having gone down that path ourselves, we found that my DH's brother was not the best choice of donor. My DH's brother wanted to give initially but he and his wife put so many conditions on the donation that DH and I decided very quickly that it was unworkable. You are better off with a man that is donating for altruistic reasons. However I would say still go ahead and try, as otherwise you will never know.

I hope that this has helped you
me 40 DH 44
Fertility issues since 2000
PCOS (using Metformin), Male factor
TTC with assistance since 2005
2 IUIs Feb & Jun 2006 with unknown donor BFN
IUI Feb 2008 & IVF Oct 2008 known donor.BFN
IVF Oct 2009 known donor BFP
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Postby Lis » Sun Mar 04, 2007 11:44 am

Hi I hope you don't mind me gate crashing your thread just this once but have read quite a few of all your posts on the last 4 pages and I have been very moved and touched by them. Can I say what a fantastic support network you have here on this thread. The support you are all giving each other is amazing. I joined this website 16 months ago when we found out dh had zero sperm. We were so devastated - we felt as if our whole worlds had fallen apart. We didn't know how to cope for a long long time and I can honestly say, to date, they were the darkest days of our lives. Dh went on to have his sperm retrieval, which was negative then we endured moths of uncertainty, not knowing whether we could have DI tmt beacuse of the severe shortage of donor sperm that there is here in the UK (that has resulted since the regulating body lifted the anonymity of donors 2 years ago.) It was such an awful time, it sometimes just seemed easier not to be on this planet as every day was a living hell. I was so relieved to read that dh and I were not alone in our struggle to cope with this situation. There were hardly any girls on this site then that were in a similar situation. I found 2 ladies (one of whom posted here once on the first page - nicolamark) so it is so nice that you have all found each other for support. Polly I am going to order that book you have been talking about as it seems fantastic.

We too had all the quandry over who to tell etc and I mirror ALL of your feelings and have felt them all at one time or another. dh and I are quite open people who have a large circle of close friends and family. We decided to tell quite a lot of close friends and close family. Both the decision not to tell all friends and also the decision we made to tell any friends at all, forever comes to my mind frequently,as I'm always wondering, have we done the right thing, whatever that is! Its not been helped by the fact that the mother in law told other family members we did not wish to tell for fear of them treating our child differently. However I have no regrets - what will be will be. I have to say we have received fantastic support from friends and family that know - all of them have been supportive and I couldn't have got through the last 16 months without their love and support.

I am now 9.5 wks pregnant after 6 DI tmts and can I just say, although I know the journey is just starting and difficult times will no doubt be ahead of us as we bring our child up to learn about his/her origins, all the heartache and dark times of the last 16 mths have been truly worth it to be in this wonderful position dh and I find ourselves in now.

I wish all of you ladies all the luck in the world and hope with all my heart that your baby dreams come true.xxx
Me 32 DH 34 - severe male factor
5 failed donor inseminations July- Nov '06
6th DI Jan '07 ...... finally ..... OMG BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Postby TansRN » Sun Mar 04, 2007 6:35 pm

Hello All

Gargy
I have heard the same story about the HSG. They say that it can help and it may clear out blocked or semi-blocked tubes. I am looking forward to it so that I can get moving with things ya know? With regards to the amount of babies. I was surprised when my doc said that they like to see that many follies. I thought that they like about 1-2. I will have to see what happens. I told them that I want to be conservative. I mean DH said that he didnt want a litter or anything! LOL I guess I really wouldnt mind two. It would be good for us since this is our last try...I really do like my nurses at the new clinic. They really seem to be for the patient rather than all for the doc. It makes a difference. Helps when we are going through all of this to get our babies and its not like it isnt emotional or anything right? :) That is horrible that you had to go through the counseling sessions that created doubt for you. You dont need that right now. We can anything that we put our minds to...within reason!!! I wish I could then I would have another baby already and this mess would be behind me. Oh well keep plugging away right>?

ICSIorbust
Fertility treatments are so expensive. I asked my doc the same thing but he recommends using DS with IUI instead of IVF because it does cost less and you have the option of doing several cycles for the same cost as one round of IVF. It is way expensive. I am still paying on a loan from last year and a failed FET cycle. I want to be able to buy other things so we have decided to do a DIUI this month because it is so much more reasonable. It is a personal decision that you and DH will have to make.

Lis
Thank you for your story. It is very uplifting and encouraging. You just go to prove that we should never give up! We dont mind you joining our little group to say hi. Stop by whenever you want. This is the beauty of this site for great hope, support and encouragement. I am so excited to get started with mine and of course as we all are hoping for positive outcomes. Thank you again.
Tanya

IVF #1- 6/2006-DH had vasectomy
VERY SADLY ended in m/c of a beautiful baby girl at 12 weeks on Aug. 28, 2006.

FET 1/2007 -ive
#2 IVF/ICSI-4/2007 BFP!!! 1st beta 708!!!!
Sophie and Riley Arrived Dec. 10th 2008!!!
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Postby TansRN » Sun Mar 04, 2007 6:36 pm

Lis
I almost forgot to ask you what your treatment plan was as far as how many follies you had and what kind of medications you were taking. Thanks
Tanya

IVF #1- 6/2006-DH had vasectomy
VERY SADLY ended in m/c of a beautiful baby girl at 12 weeks on Aug. 28, 2006.

FET 1/2007 -ive
#2 IVF/ICSI-4/2007 BFP!!! 1st beta 708!!!!
Sophie and Riley Arrived Dec. 10th 2008!!!
TansRN
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Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 7:13 pm
Location: Michigan

Postby Lis » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:10 pm

Hi Tanya

First can I say so sorry for the loss of your dearest little one last year.

My clinic don't believe in donor insems with meds. If everything is normal fertility wise with the female and the problem is purely male factor they do natural insems month on month. So that meant that they would monitor LH surge and eastrodiol levels with daily bloods from around day 11. On the day they detected LH surge I would go in that afternoon for insem. They do it that day because they inseminate you intra cervically instead of into the uterus so the sperm requires more time to reach its destination! I only ever had one insemination in the first 5 cycles because again the clinic said, from their studies, one insem was just as successful as 2 insems. However on my last (successful cycle) I had another additional insem the day after. Not sure if that's why it worked or not. So I only had one follie, no meds and I did 6 cycles over 6-7 mths. That was tough. My clinics seem so against any kind of medicated iui. They have said that they don't even agree with clinics that let you persist with the cycle if you have 3 or more follies!! I guess your clinic are much more liberal. Did you pick your donor? Unfortunatley with the donor shortage here in the uK, dh and I couldn't be choosey. My dh is a red head but our donor, brown haired (but dh didn't want a red haired donor as he got teased when he was younger) but there weren't any red haired donors for us to choose fromanyway. The eye colour is a match and fair skin like my dh but the donor is a little taller. Again dh not too worried as he is 5ft 6 and again if our child is a boy d would be happier for him to be a bit taller!!
Me 32 DH 34 - severe male factor
5 failed donor inseminations July- Nov '06
6th DI Jan '07 ...... finally ..... OMG BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Postby TansRN » Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:38 am

Hello Lis
Thank you for sharing that information. It is interesting to see how different clinics work. I am really happy for you that things are working out and you are pg! You have been down a long road. I do understand that. That is really interesting that your clinic does intracervical insems. Do they just put a speculum in like with a pap and inject the sperm? Did you have to lay flat?

I went for my tests today and the U/S went well however for the third time they have said that I have PCOS. I think that we will be talking about using Metformin this time. Not sure. The HSG was another story...I went in and I forgot to take my Advil and he got the catheter into my cervix but didnt know it I guess until he injected the dye. Then they could only see one patent tube. The he came back and said that he needed to do it again because it wasnt in far enough. I of course went nuts. He was like do you feel ok and I was like "well other than feeling like I am giving birth to a Buick I am just fine" everyone was laughing.
Anyhow he was able to get a good picture and he said after much anticipation that both tubes are wide open! That is really good news and now I guess I just have to wait for the RE to look at the films and then we can get our meds ordered. I do have some Gonal F left over (900 iu) so I am going to see if we can use that. That will help out a bit. I kept asking what do I do now and the nurse was like calm down we still have a few weeks but you know how that is in IF land!!! FOREVER!

Talk to you guys later...Gargy, ICSI and Polly hope that you are well tonight!
Tanya

IVF #1- 6/2006-DH had vasectomy
VERY SADLY ended in m/c of a beautiful baby girl at 12 weeks on Aug. 28, 2006.

FET 1/2007 -ive
#2 IVF/ICSI-4/2007 BFP!!! 1st beta 708!!!!
Sophie and Riley Arrived Dec. 10th 2008!!!
TansRN
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Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 7:13 pm
Location: Michigan

Postby Gargy » Wed Mar 07, 2007 8:36 am

Hi everyone,

Works been full on. Been to a couple of seminars - one last week and one today. The first speaker was talking about mental health. He said his belief was that anger was a choice - a really bad choice. I'm trying to get my head around this as I really lost it at work yesterday. When I came back and apologised, one person waved their hand in my face (ie talk to the hand, because I'm not listening) and refused to accept it.

So now I'm looking at my behaviour. I sort of get what he was saying, but I have also heard that anger is a stage of grief. So how can it be a choice in the one instance, and a stage on the other?

Why I'm thinking about this is that I've been emotionally all over the place, and tears well up instantly any time I hear about something sad (today it was a child that had a stutter so bad he couldn't communicate). I have also got a short fuse. I'm really worried about myself as I usually don't react this badly. I am also spot bleeding and I'm in the final week of the pill. I went on it because I was bleeding for 2 weeks naturally.

Work has been pretty stressful too.

Anyone else having this sort of life?

Gargy
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Postby Polly12 » Thu Mar 08, 2007 7:16 pm

Hi ladies,
First up Gargy - your poor thing! man i have so been there! Just about yelling at my work mates and im sure they wonder who this B*&^h is!!!!! Love, its not your fault, anger is a huge part of grief and i hope you can just be kind to yourself during this extra stressful time. I want to wear a sign at work saying "I just want to be pregnant - leave me alone!" but i can't:(
Take care and be nice to you - fill your weeks up with special things to look forward to, it will help you get through the day-to-day slog thinking about your dreams of being a Mum.
Im thinking of you heaps! I know exactly what it is like.

Lis - thanks a million for sharing your story and your journey - there is hope for us all yet! Congrats on your much wanted pregnancy
Its not our ideal way of having a family, but i know its going to be our ideal family.


16 May 07- First IUI BFP!!!!!
Azoospermia in DH
Trying since 2005
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Postby Polly12 » Thu Mar 08, 2007 7:18 pm

Tanya,
sounds like you are making some progress, how excting for getting things under way - heres hoping you have lots of success soon!

Thinking of you all - i know what its like.
Its not our ideal way of having a family, but i know its going to be our ideal family.


16 May 07- First IUI BFP!!!!!
Azoospermia in DH
Trying since 2005
Polly12
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Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:58 am
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Postby TansRN » Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:30 pm

Gargy
I have so feel that way. I actually had the day yesterday! my friend and I found out that we were pg at the same time last summer and our due dates were only 5 days apart. Well she had her baby yesterday and I am having to take a gift to her and tell her how cute her baby is and all of that while I am sitting here with no baby. It was really hard for me and yet so important that I support her. I havent told her anything about how I feel because it just isnt right to rain on her parade. It has been hard. I feel like Polly does though with the wearing of the sign! That was a great way to put it and that is how I feel on certain days. We have all been there at some point. This IF stuff is no walk in the park. It really isnt. I am so sorry that you had a bad day and a little outburst. It really makes for weird feelings at work-I hope that you can have a better tomorrow!
Tanya

IVF #1- 6/2006-DH had vasectomy
VERY SADLY ended in m/c of a beautiful baby girl at 12 weeks on Aug. 28, 2006.

FET 1/2007 -ive
#2 IVF/ICSI-4/2007 BFP!!! 1st beta 708!!!!
Sophie and Riley Arrived Dec. 10th 2008!!!
TansRN
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Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 7:13 pm
Location: Michigan

Postby Gargy » Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:11 am

Tanya,

You must be a very brave woman because I don't know how I'd feel visiting someone knowing that their baby was born around the same time mine would have been. I admire you.

Polly, that sign idea was excellent. Do you think we could get it made up into t-shirts??

The problem is resolved now - my friend was also very angry and not ready to deal with the issue, even if I had apologised. She was more angry with my manager, and me yelling at her was the last straw.

As therapy for myself I went and wrote down all the stressful things that had happened just before Christmas until now. There are 64 things on my list. No wonder I had a meltdown at work!!

I am reading the book 'Swimming Upstream'. It is about problems with fertility from a male's perspective. I am finding his writing style a little irritating but I think its because I've decided to be annoyed with him for setting himself up as an expert. And that he used the line 'I know how you feel' when very clearly he is the biological father of his own children, so clearly he doesn't. Despite this, some of the information is very good. I'll let you know how I feel when I finish it.

Hope your having a good day.

Gargy
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Postby Lis » Sat Mar 10, 2007 12:34 pm

Tanya about the isems. Yes its just like you said. Feels exactly like having a smear test done. I was always in a sitting position but they would raise the bottom half of the chair so that my legs, bum and pelvis were tilted up. After the procedure I had to stay there and rest for 10 - 20 mins but apart from that, was told to carry on as normal. However I was told not to swim that evening incase any sperm was still "hanging around" the top of my cervix and might get washed out!!

So glad that your tubes are clear, that's great news. I so know how you feel about being impatient. For me the worst thing about the whole IF nightmare was the loss of control I felt that the waiting game was part of that loss of control feeling. I used to get so impatient as you feel as if your whole life is on hold.

Tanya you are such a brave person to go and visit your friend - in the circumstances she would have understood if you had waited a while. Although I have not been through the same experience as you, your story reminded me of a time last year - infact one year to the date - 10th March 2006. dh and I had just got back the devastating news that there was no point in him going for another sperm retrieval. The histology from the tissue they had taken at his biopsy 2 weeks before showed that he had never ever produced any sperm at all. It was closure for us on that journey and we were devastated. 2 hours after the phonecall, one of my good friends had her baby. The following day we drove to the hospital to see her and the baby - its one of the hardest thing I've ever done especially as the maternity ward is directly above the IF clinic we were being treated at and had to walk past the IF unit entrance to get to the ward. I was so scared I was going to loose it in that room infront of her, her dh and her family. I feel for you. You did a great thing.


Soory again for taking up tonnes of room aon your thread. Polly and GArgy I also wish both of you all the luck in the world with your up and coming treatments. I will watch this thread to see how you are all doing.

Lisa xxx
Me 32 DH 34 - severe male factor
5 failed donor inseminations July- Nov '06
6th DI Jan '07 ...... finally ..... OMG BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Postby TansRN » Sat Mar 10, 2007 11:11 pm

Hello All!

Thank you for your kind words. It was really hard as you know. It was so hard to hold her baby when I know that I should also be holding mine right now. I am glad that I went because after I lost my baby I really tried to avoid her. I just couldnt handle it. It was the worst heartache of my entire life. I am still not over it and I was in tears this morning thinking about my little baby that I held....I am so trying to look forward. I am so happy about doing the IUI! I have no problems with that. DH says that I have to go into it like I am innocent and naive like I did the IVF. He said not to let that get me down because we are embarking down a new road and a new journey! I am so happy about that. I can't wait and waiting is what we IF's do a lot isnt it? Lisa I am so happy for all of your input please feel free to stop by anytime! Gargy I am glad that things worked out at your work. It can be so hard and it sounds like you have had your fair share of this crap going on in your life just since the new year. WE have a long time to go this year yet and I am hoping that it will just continue to get better for you. Hope that you are doing well this weekend Polly...

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Tanya

IVF #1- 6/2006-DH had vasectomy
VERY SADLY ended in m/c of a beautiful baby girl at 12 weeks on Aug. 28, 2006.

FET 1/2007 -ive
#2 IVF/ICSI-4/2007 BFP!!! 1st beta 708!!!!
Sophie and Riley Arrived Dec. 10th 2008!!!
TansRN
Regular
 
Posts: 554
Joined: Sat Apr 15, 2006 7:13 pm
Location: Michigan

Postby Polly12 » Sun Mar 11, 2007 11:01 pm

Hi there,
Hope everyone had a good weekend!

Tanya,
My heart really goes out to you with your friend and her new baby. You are doing so well and you are a very brave woman to "feel the fear and do it anyway" I know how hard it is, i too have had 2 very close friends who have had wee babies very recently as we have just found out our news. You have the added heartache of course from losing your wee angel and I can not say i know how that feels. All i can say is my heart goes out to you and you were a true friend to your friend and that would have taken a lot to do what you have done. You should be proud of yourself. I cut myself off from my friends during their pregnancies and through honesty and understanding i they understood and now i too can face them and their newborns. I too admire you.
Tanya, have faith - your turn is coming!
I think what your husband said is very onto it about facing this as a new journey.


Gargy, Glad to hear things are better with you. We all have our down days (or weeks!). I think a t-shirt is a great idea. I would make one for hubby that says "Again??" as when im a bit down he asks whats wrong and i say about wanting our own baby and i think being male he thinks things are all sorted and solved as we are on the waiting list........if only he knew the longing of a woman who wants a child.
Your list sounds like a great idea. I Hope everything on it is now under control for you.
Your book sounds good "Swimming upstream" - you are right about someone identifying about understanding how we feel in this situation - keep us posted on anything interesting in it.


Lis
Again, thanks for sharing. Your posts are a great insite to what we have coming up.
Its not our ideal way of having a family, but i know its going to be our ideal family.


16 May 07- First IUI BFP!!!!!
Azoospermia in DH
Trying since 2005
Polly12
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Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:58 am
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Postby Polly12 » Sun Mar 11, 2007 11:03 pm

Opps sorry about the "I they understand thing"! bit of a spelling mistake their!
Its not our ideal way of having a family, but i know its going to be our ideal family.


16 May 07- First IUI BFP!!!!!
Azoospermia in DH
Trying since 2005
Polly12
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Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:58 am
Location: New Zealand

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