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Postby onesweetangel » Wed Sep 24, 2008 11:48 pm

Nothopless, that time alone for a few days would have done me some good because being at work really sucked. It sucks having to put on a smile, be professional ( I work in HR/PAYROLL) and listen to everybody else issues without wanting to explode. Somehow I got through it. Oh goodness poor DH I feel bad for him also trying to make me feel better when there is nothing he can do. On the up side I feel emotionally stable since I am not on on those shots/pills, so that is a plus. Everyday I get better.

I took this so hard that I did not want to see, hear or even be around children/babies (that includes my sister). So I can relate to everything you said in your post.

IVF will be a great option for you. Just think your chances are drastically increased. I think you will be blessed if you take that route.

I spoke to doc and I am going to have surgery in Oct. so I pray that this solves my fertility issues.

Have you spoken to doc about IVF option yet? How are you feeling overall?
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Postby not hopeless yet » Thu Sep 25, 2008 11:04 am

Hi again Angel-
You're right- now that we're off the drugs our bodies can stabilize. But I've just been in such a fowl mood lately. It's probably half drugs, half AF and the let down that this cycle didn't work. Even my dh is like "man, you've been acting like a b$%&# lately." And you know what, i'm like "I don't care, i don't care, i don't care." And the two preggers at work I can't even fake a conversation with them.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the most bitter person in the world, it's just I'm more quick to snap at people and since I'm not getting what I want in this area of my life, I'm acting more selfish in other areas. Like I want what I want, when I want it... stupid stuff like watching the tv that I want to watch instead of compromising with dh.
I realize I should look at the positive things in my life. I just think the older I get, the more times these cycles fail, the more people around me getting pregnant, etc. makes me more unhappy. The upside is, besides the preggers at work, my work is actually getting busier which I enjoy. I'm an architectural drafter!
We meet to discuss IVF next Wed. So i'll let you know what the doctor says.
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Postby onesweetangel » Thu Sep 25, 2008 2:05 pm

Nothopless, OMG you’re describing exactly how I feel. The selfishness, bitterness, and overall I don’t care attitude. Whew that makes me feel better because I thought I was the only one who took the BFN to that extreme. I don’t even try to fake convo’s with preggers anymore…I’m polite when they talk to me but I am not inquisitive, which is out of character for me because I am always asking questions. The site of a pregnant woman brings about bitterness and jealousy, but like you said I am not the most bitter person in the world but I admit I am not happy right now.
DH and I…where can I start…. well lets just say we have had a few shouting matches because of my bitterness, b*tchyness and don’t care attitude. I am like you too, I want what I want when I want it and when I don’t get it I am not a happy camper ( smile ).

Yes there are positive aspects in life that we should be thankful for and happy about but it is hard to appreciate them right now because I can’t do the one thing that is suppose to come naturally to me and that is have a baby. It is not a very comforting feeling.

Work for me does not help…. sometimes I feel like saying to the employees “so what” (lol)!
It’s good that you have work to keep you busy…. an architectural drafter sounds exciting
(Smile ).

Please keep me posted about IVF and I will keep you posted about my fibby removal. Waiting for doc to call me back and let me know when my consultation is.
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Postby not hopeless yet » Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:12 am

Well atleast we know we're not alone with our feelings. I'm glad my dh wasn't the only one living with a b$%&* Hah!

ok, we'll keep in touch. Have a good weekend (buumer, it'll be rainy in MA for about the next 4 days...)
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Postby onesweetangel » Tue Sep 30, 2008 1:45 am

Nothopless I will keep in touch for sure. My fibroid surgery is scheduled for Oct. 22 and I am really looking forward to it and I am nervous also. I have to see doc on Oct 13 for some type of pretesting ( dunno why ).
How are you making out with IVF?

Email me your progress at onesweetangel@comcast.net or I will check message board.

Lynn
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