Pregnant Stepmoms out there - HELP!!!

Announcement of pregnancy and birth following assisted reproductive treatment.
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riogirl71
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Pregnant Stepmoms out there - HELP!!!

Post by riogirl71 » Thu Apr 03, 2008 10:53 pm

Hi girls!

I was wondering if there are any stepmoms out there that can help me. DH and I are supposed to tell my 11 year old SD tonight that we are pregnant. We are very excited about it but unfortunately I don't think she will be. Her mother and grandparents treat her like she is the center of the world, which means that if all attention is not focused on her at al times or if we are not entertaining her at all times, she gets really upset. Even when she has friends over when we pay attention to her friends she does not like it at all. She is with us 40% of the time or less. The other issue is we are making her room the nursery and moving her to another room which will be major drama (100% baby trumps 40% time for the room we need). Plus babies require lots of attention... Anyway, any kind of help would be incredible!

Thanks!!!
me 39 + DH 46 low mot - chemo
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geckogirl
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Post by geckogirl » Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:46 pm

Hey Rio,

I don't have any step kids, but just wanted to wish you the best with telling your SD. How did it go?
ME 45 - DH 44 DS born 2008
FET - August 2009

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gori
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Hi

Post by gori » Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:52 pm

Hi Riogirl, I responded to your post on the other msg board with some ideas. Hope it went well.
TTC 4+ yrs; male factor
7 IUIs BFN
3 IVFs - 2 unsuccessful; 1 m/c at 12 weeks
1st ICSI BFP!! Single Embryo Transfer
Beta 14dp3dt 1,250; Beta 21dp3dt 13,500
First u/s on Jan 8 - one cute heartbeat :)
IT'S A GIRL!!!

Aliann09
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Post by Aliann09 » Fri Apr 04, 2008 2:57 pm

Rio, I am a stepmom to 4 kids 2 girls and 2 boys, i am amazed that you have been able to keep all of this from her for so long already. Sounds like this little girl needs a little wake up call she is 11 yrs old and the longer everyone keeps cottling her the worse off she will be for it as she gets older. Every child should feel special but they should also know that the world does not always revolve around them. If mom and grandma want to let her behave that way that does not mean that you and DH must do the same. When these little fits come about you and DH need to let her know that it is inappropriate to behave that way and that you won't tolerate that kind of behavior, there may be a stuggle for the first little while but I assure that she will end up respectling the both of you more for the disipline. after that I think you might be pleasantly suprised she could actually be excited to be a big sister and help. We also moved our kids to new rooms to make room for the baby and an office they were actually excited about the change, We did a new bathroom and picked up some new bedding for them it made the change more fun. Just remember that you are the parent they are the child hold your ground and things will smooth over.
Ali
Me 31 DH 36
Male Factor (Vasectomy)
Reversal 06/06 unsuccessful
1st IVF/ICSI 08/07 BFP!!!!!

2ndtimer
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Post by 2ndtimer » Fri Apr 04, 2008 3:17 pm

Hi Rio,
I have a 13yo SD so I can relate. She has also been the only child & grandchild on both mom & dad's side, so although she is a great kid she is also very spoiled in many ways.
I suggest that you make the room you are moving her to as big of a project & as big of a deal as the nursery. Redecorate it & let her pick out the paint color and help paint. Let her pick out a new bedspread & some inexpensive accessories. I did this last summer with my SD when she was staying with us for a couple of weeks. SHE LOVED IT. We painted her room purple(her choice) and picked out very inexpensive new bedding at Target. All in all, it really didn't cost a lot and it made a big difference to her.
After that, then enlist her help with decorating the nursery -since she did such a great job with her new room!

If she doesn't seem too excited or happy when she first hears the news, don't take it personally or expect that reaction to last after the baby gets here. I think my SD is still in shock that she's going to have a baby brother. Plus, at 13 who knows whats going on in their heads.(I know yours is 11,but close enough) I think the important thing is that you & your hubby stay positive and include her in as much as you can.
Good Luck,
2ndtimer
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riogirl71
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Post by riogirl71 » Mon Apr 07, 2008 5:39 pm

Thank you girls for all the great advice. I had DH go into her room and talk to her, he explained that he would love her just as much and that things would change because babies do need lots of attention and that didn't mean the baby was more special it is just the way babies are. She was a little nervous about it, later we talked about her being a role model to her sister or brother and how important that is. She got a little more excited and called her firends. We haven't seen her since Thursday and we see her today. I hope her mom didn't poison it for her (her mom bad mouths us all the time, we never do it for her sake). We will wait a little to talk about the room change since we are leaving to see my family in a couple of weeks and we figure we talk about it when we get back. We will give her the options to decorate and everything. The nice thing is we have friends staying over to watch the house and they are moving into her room and she is moving out, so hopefuly the transition will be easier.

Aliann - I could not agree more with you. I think a child should be treated as a wonderful and special gift, but not made to think that the world is here to please/entertain/shower her with gifts. We constantly struggle by being the "bad guys" by trying to teach her morals, ethics, and the value of money. I know she must not like it right now but I think that letting her continue thinking she is the center of the world will only hurt her in life. I have had many interns at my job with the "me" attitude and entitlement and they do not work well with others.

Thank you again for all the advice!
me 39 + DH 46 low mot - chemo
#3 IVF Lost one twin at 8 wks
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#2 IVF May 2010 Ectopic
#1 IVF
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Aliann09
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Post by Aliann09 » Mon Apr 07, 2008 6:14 pm

Rio, good luck I think you are in the right path we also have an ex that bad mouths us but it has come back to bite her in the ass, the kids get to a point and they know whats really going on so try not to let that get to you. You and DH sound like great parents and like I said before holding your ground will be best for her even if that means being the bad guy for now, she'll get over it.
Me 31 DH 36
Male Factor (Vasectomy)
Reversal 06/06 unsuccessful
1st IVF/ICSI 08/07 BFP!!!!!

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