Post
by PMApsy » Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:37 pm
Hi guys,
Just a quick note, and I'll be very selfish. I see that nobody picked up on that, but I'll repeat what I said about my announcement. I said it was bittersweet... so you're absolutely adorable to say that it's a moment I'll remember for the rest of my life and that you're happy for me, but as I said, it's not really a happy memory for me. I'll remember some parts, but I'm just looking forward to having new memories to remember instead.
It was hard for me to just rejoice naively with those people, because most of them will never understand what we've been through, and that discrepancy will always create some kind of unfinished business between us. Quite recently, my father dropped into a conversation, citing us as an example, that my infertility was just a small drama. A systemic infection caused by a resident, a near-death experience, three surgeries, 4 attempts, 1 miscarriage and 5 years of abdominal pain don't qualify as a small drama in my opinion. I cried uncontrollably for half an hour after that. My mother-in-law pitied my poor SIL a year and a half ago in front of me because, poor thing, she had to take hormones for her second child because she was pre-menopausal at 35 and she had side effects. Sure, it's no fun, but try sticking needles in your ovaries!!!
That announcement made me vulnerable because, yes, they all made mistakes during that marathon and those mistakes were 100% human and 0% bad intentions. But it was difficult not to think about those mistakes and just be at ease with all those people. Especially that I knew that announcing your second pregnancy can't possibly match the first announcement, which was quite emotional. And THAT is a memory I want to remember. Not really this one. Those people weren't there for me during my miscarriage... heck, my PIL didn't even talk to me because they're so reserved they wanted to respect my privacy. They only talked once to my DH and said they were sorry for us. Ahem.
Yesterday during the announcement, I felt very nervous, and I was glad when it was over and I could spend some time alone with my husband afterwards. As I said, though, now we'll hopefully step into "normal" stuff, and we'll be just like any new parents rejoicing with their relatives about the baby that's coming. It will almost not be "tainted" with the IVF flavor because I'll just be like any other pregnant woman dealing with her relatives. But the announcement, the end of a very long marathon that neither of them had to go through and understand, that was something else, and that's what made it bittersweet for me. I didn't really expect that, not that much, but it was there and I'm glad it's behind me.
Anyway, sorry about the rant, rant over. I feel better now. Phew!
Smiles2IVF, I can't express how happy I am about the news!!! GO BABY!!!! Did they find what caused the bleeding? Keep posting sweetie, we like hearing from you!
As for the others, sorry I have a train to catch, but I'll post later or tomorrow morning. Mwah!
Sophie xxox
1st and 2nd IVF = BFN 1st FET BFP! m/c at 7 weeks. 2nd FET BFP! 3rd FET BFN
Now let's spend the rest of our lives having fun together! 
Due dates 
Stefanie is due on May 3rd! TWINS ALERT! 
:D
Ultrasounds and medical appointments 
Amy ultrasound on October 1st! 
so when i say i didn't dance it really means that i was there, dancing but not in my full power. LOL