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When do we tell people

Announcement of pregnancy and birth following assisted reproductive treatment.

When do we tell people

Postby amy27 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:34 pm

Hello Ladies,
Hoping for some advice. Our background, Me 38 and DH 39. 2nd IVF became pregnant with twins that we lost at 8 weeks due to clotting and NK cell issues. Took Ivig this time (3rd IVF) before ET and been on Heperin and baby asprin to thin blood and just found out we are BFP! Our levels are really good: 14dp3dt- 1518 beta and 62 progesterone.. I want to share my news since it is the Holidays but we already went through one tragedy. When should we tell our family? I worry since I had horrible morning sickness last time around 5-6 weeks and this year would be Christmas..
Any advice? :?
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Postby SilverAngel679 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:14 pm

Wow. I can't believe how simular our stories are.
We also got pg on our 2nd IVF with a singleton and being excited and nieve, we told everyone right away. To cut a long story short, we suffered a missed abortion at 14 weeks 5 days and had a D&C the next day.
This time around we swore we weren't going to tell ANYONE. And we didn't. And I've never made a better decision. We told no one that we even started the cycle. not even close family, and we didn't tell any one we where pregnant until 13 weeks when the chance of miscarriage went down to almost nothing.
I've never felt more sense of peace of mind in knowing that if something did go wrong, no one would know but me and my husband and we would be left alone to grieve and put the pieces back together again. We weren't able to do that last time because everyone knew and we had to suffer the weeks of phone calls and well wishes from every one who knew.
I know it's hard to contain your excitment, especially with the holiday's here and no one can make the decision but you and your husband, but if your asking for oppinions I'll tell you right now that keeping it to ourselves for the 1st trimester was the best thing we ever could have done.
Good luck in what ever you choose to do and CONGRADULATIONS!!!!!!!
Me: Liz, 29 (Healthy)DH: Tom, 28 (Male factor)
IVF#1: BFN
IVF#2: BFP (m/c @ 14weeks)
IVF#3: BFP Twin Boys, born 3/23/09
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Postby wonderce » Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:23 pm

Hi Amy, I have also been struggling about when to tell people. This was our 2nd attempt at our 1st IVF (I didn't respond well enough the 1st cycle so it was converted to another IUI). We have really been trying for over 3 years to get pregnant though, and weren't preventing before then, so I thought it was a miracle that I actually got pregnant. I am hesitant to tell friends or family yet because of fears that something could happen. I am trying my best to hold out a few more weeks until at least 12 weeks. We did tell our parents though, but that's all. Good luck to you in making your decision and I think I'm leaning more towards Liz's advice. I would say do what feels right to you though.
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Postby amy27 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 11:17 pm

Thank you for the advice- I truly appreciate it. I guess more than anything, it isn't the excitement as we are "cautiously optimistic" but more the lying that we will need to do throughout the holiday season if I get morning sickness like I did before.. ugh.. glad to have it again if it means we stay pregnant.. best of luck to both of you
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Postby SilverAngel679 » Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:19 am

I was 6 or 8 weeks pg at my block party this year and lied through my teeth to everyone about why I couldn't help my husband move tables and set up tents and carry heavy trays out. I told them all that I threw my back out (I even had to pretended to have a hard time moving and walking) I told them all that I couldn't drink because of the medication the dr. gave me for my back problem and even blamed the little nap I HAD to take during the day on the meds. Of course my husband and I knew that it was the GROWING OF PEOPLE that knocked me out that day and stopped me from being productive and believe it or not, we had a lot of fun with it. It was like our own little secret and it actually brought us closer.
I say if your worried about it make it fun like we did. Tell them a story of bad chili or a little bit of the flu. You'll be surprised how much you and your husband will make eye contact during the time and snicker at how guillible people can be. Not that it's nice to do that to family, but after ward when you tell everyone, they'll understand.
Good Luck!!!
Me: Liz, 29 (Healthy)DH: Tom, 28 (Male factor)
IVF#1: BFN
IVF#2: BFP (m/c @ 14weeks)
IVF#3: BFP Twin Boys, born 3/23/09
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Postby Welshgirl38 » Wed Dec 03, 2008 9:55 am

Hiya,

I agree that to keep it 'your secret' until ur 12 weeks are passed ... then u can shout it from the roof tops. We are finally pregnant after our 3rd IVF .... our first tmt we didnt tell a soul, so when we got a bfn, it was easier to deal with ourselves. Our 2nd tmt we told just family, but of course when it was another bfn, it was hard to see their faces too.

Then we had our 3rd (an final) go. We had decided it was our last go weather it had worked or not. Again we told close family as i felt there were some things going on in the family that i wanted to be a part of, but didnt want the stress of either (Help with anniversarys, b.days parties that sort of thing) so no one questioned me when i wasnt drinking, they nodded politly and asked how i was doing, but left it at that.

Of course, now we have done our pregnancy test (thank the lord it was +ive) we have had to tell just the family who know. No one else will know until we are 12 weeks passed. This is only day 3 of finding out we are pregnant, and it already feels like 3 years hehe - im dying to tell people, but know that i have to be very cautious, so am also enjoying the fact that - i know and they dont!

Do what silverangel has advised, have fun with it - give ur hubby those secret looks - it sounds like a lot of fun to me .... i cant wait tho to tell people ... enjoy ur 12 weeks and then shout it from the roof tops hun

Xxxxx

1 IVF=BFN 2 IVF=BFN 3 IVF=BFP :) m/c @ 8 wks :( 4 IVF=BFN
We must now let go of the life we had planned, to live the life waiting for us..

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Adoption course starts March 19th
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Postby esperanza » Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:15 am

yeap, that's what we did. We loss our first baby as well. I actually appreciated the sympathy, but it was hard to tell that we had lost the baby...worst, some people would come and congratulate me AFTER I had had the miscarriage because they didn't know what had happened...THAT was hard!


In any case, with this pregnancy, we waited until second trimester to tell people, and even then we did it little by little. Now I'm 22 weeks, and I just called a dear friend who doesn't live in the area to share the news. I'm just beginning to feel comfortable. At the very beginning only my mom and brother knew (my mom was visiting, and my brother was living with us at the time, so how to keep it from them, right?), but we asked them to tell NO ONE! and they followed through.

I read somewhere that IF you really have that urge to share the news, just tell it to a complete stranger, somebody you know you won't ever see again. It'll make you feel good! Also, a little acting is not bad ;) I agree with SilverAngel...I did similar things "no, I'm not drinking, I'm the designated driver" ...or "no, coffee will keep me awake!" ...or "my back hurts, I can't lift this, would you give me a hand?" etc.

If you get bad m/s say that you got the stomach virus or something. I could not stand chicken during my first trimester, so I would just say that I was trying to stay away from meats....ehhehehe.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
me: 33 dh: 40
2 miscarriages (natural pregs. #1 Aug 2006, #2 May 2010)
IVF # 1 jan 08 BFN
FET #1 March 08 BFN
FET #2 July 08 BFP (DD born on April 2009)
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Postby Fluffypuppygal » Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:05 pm

This was not an issue for me. My husband can't keep a secret to save his soul! I found out he has told everyone every step of everything, including the IVF process, the day we got our BFP, and the sex of the baby!!
This includes his family, some of my family, his friends, my friends' husbands who then told my friends, my coworkers, his coworkers... We know a lot of the same people, so he has basically told everyone everything every step of the way, including our strange neighbor down the block who barely speaks three words to me!
I'm a little ticked off about this, but I figure if something bad happens, HE can be the one to tell everyone!
Me - 37, DH - 46
1 m/c at 26, 1 ectopic at 27
BFP with 1st IVF! 1st beta 60.85, 2nd beta 975!! Its a boy!
3rd trimester starts February 14th.
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