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Ive lost my baby :(

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Ive lost my baby :(

Postby Welshgirl38 » Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:42 pm

Well Ladies,

Went for our 3rd scan today, and there is no HB an baby hasnt grown since last week :(

I dont know what im supposto do now .... they want us in for a scan next Monday but when i asked is it cos there might be one by then - she replied no, its for your peace of mind before we ask you in to have it removed.

Removed!!!

I dont want it removed ... i want it to grow, i want to hold it in my arms .... :cry: :(

She said that i can expect a heavy period in the next few days!! I dont understand what happened .... last Monday we measured 6 weeks an 3 days ... an today we measured 6 weeks an 1 day ... how can that be?? Dos it shrink?? And if it died last week, why hasnt it come away already? Why is life so cruel, why did my baby die inside me ....

When we got outside the clinic i leant up against the wall an sobbed .... DH is as wonderful as ever an held me ... an i know i screamed but i couldnt help it. I just dont know what im supposto do now .... This was our last go a this .... we thoght we had made it!!!!

We were nearly there ....

1 IVF=BFN 2 IVF=BFN 3 IVF=BFP :) m/c @ 8 wks :( 4 IVF=BFN
We must now let go of the life we had planned, to live the life waiting for us..

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Adoption course starts March 19th
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Postby SilverAngel679 » Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:55 pm

I'm so sorry sweetie. I know what your going through becuase I had the exact same thing happen to me.
With me the baby didn't start to miscarry until almost a month after it was gone. I just woke one morning to heavy brown staining and when I got to the hospital my baby had no heart beat. They call it a "missed abortion" When the baby dies and doesn't miscarry until much later. In my case it was almost a month. A whole month that I carried my baby with no life it it. So I know all the things going on in your head right now and it make my heart hurt for you so much.
And as far as it shrinking. It absolutely does. I lost the baby at 14 week 5 days and they told me at the last scan before the D&C that the baby was measuring sometime in the 8th weeks. So yeah, it does shrink.
I just want you to know from some one whose done this before that even though it hurts so much you don't know how your able to hadle it, it does get better.
Today is easier then yesterday was and tomorrow will be easier then today was. If you need to talk I'm always here and I just want you to know that your in my thought and my prayers.
Me: Liz, 29 (Healthy)DH: Tom, 28 (Male factor)
IVF#1: BFN
IVF#2: BFP (m/c @ 14weeks)
IVF#3: BFP Twin Boys, born 3/23/09
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Postby kerpupples » Tue Dec 30, 2008 3:09 pm

Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I've miscarried too and I know the devastation. Big hugs to you sweetie! Be very kind and gentle with yourself and with DH these next weeks. It sounds like it's early enough that you can miscarry naturally if you prefer. I would ask your doctor.
Amy
Me: 39 DH: 41 Male Factor
3yo DD from FET
IVF PGD clinical trial, FET Jan 2012 Beta 1/14 447, Beta 1/16 1161 U/S 1/30 it's twins!
Graham and Audrey born 9/5/12. 37w4d, no NICU time!
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Postby kholtan » Tue Dec 30, 2008 3:38 pm

I am so very deeply sorry for what you and dh are going thru. You are in my heart and prayers. ((((((HUGS)))))))
Me 35, DH 35
Ectopic Oct. 2005
IVF transfer 1-21-07. . .TWINS!!!!
ww.batesbabies.blogspot.com

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Postby esperanza » Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:57 pm

Sending you lots of love and big hugs in this painful time. My heart aches for you LUV. :cry:
me: 33 dh: 40
2 miscarriages (natural pregs. #1 Aug 2006, #2 May 2010)
IVF # 1 jan 08 BFN
FET #1 March 08 BFN
FET #2 July 08 BFP (DD born on April 2009)
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Postby angelaezra » Tue Dec 30, 2008 7:28 pm

Welshgirl38,

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss...! I know words right now will not make the hurt feel better because I truly believe you have to come to grips with this on your own. Just remember, we are here to help you through it. I remember when I miscarried and had an ectopic pregnancy and the baby was still alive, no words made me feel better. The only thing that made me feel better was for me to deal with my own feelings by realizing there was nothing that I could have done differently and it was not my fault. It was a situation that I had no control over. Please take time for yourself to heal and remember your DH is hurtiung too. Therefore, the both of you can lean on each other to deal with this very difficult time in your life!

Please take care,

Angela
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1 miscarriage 2002 (nat)
1 ectopic pregnancy 2006 (nat)
1st IVF 10/08-BFP twins/misc-6 1/2 wks & stillbirth 21 wks
2nd FET 6/09-BFN
3rd IVF 2010-April-BFP - DD born 12/7/10

Lost Ashley Nicole Thomas at 21 weeks
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Postby DeniseM » Tue Dec 30, 2008 8:00 pm

This is one of the most cruel things any woman can go through, but particularly one who has struggled to get pregnant in the first place. Even the terminology the dr's use is hurtful, I hated the term missed abortion, it felt like it implied the baby was not wanted. I've been there too, and there's no way around this, only through it. I'm sorry your heart is bruised and hurt, know that you aren't alone.
IUI twins ~ July 2006
IUI singleton ~ due Jan 15 2009
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Postby alreadyblessed » Tue Dec 30, 2008 11:46 pm

Welsh~
So so sorry to hear about your loss. I suffered two ectopic pregnancies myself, and there are no words to make it better. Time is what helps. It sounds like you have a wonderful DH, and that is exactly what you need right now. I do agree with you that the people that work in the doctors offices "have a way with words". So sad that they are not more compassionate. You are in my prayers at this difficult time. God bless you and your DH.
1st IVF~DD 2004
2nd IVF~ 2008 BFP
Thank you Lord for this blessing
love and miss you gram and baby b
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Postby lilmd » Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:00 am

Welshgirl,

We are pretty much in the same situation. I know it feels like a lonely place but yet there are so many of us out there.

I had a scan on Dec 13th and they told me the heartrate was very slow. I knew this was bad news but sort of held out hope through Christmas knowing in the back of my mind what my next appointment would tell me. Sure enough on Monday (12/29) I went in for my next scan and there was no growth and no heartrate... I was of course devasted but also sort or prepared for the worst. Three years ago I lost my baby at 22 weeks and that was the WORST experience ever. I had to deliver and everything. I almost have to say that I am thankful that I didn't have to go though that again. I opted to have a D&C and had that done yesterday. My doctor excouraged my to have it done because they could do testing to see what happened even though I am sure that it was problem with the chromosomes. I was also nervous to wait to miscarry on my own knowing that I had no control or how and when it would occur.

Please keep in touch and let us know what is going on,, you are not alone!
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Postby Welshgirl38 » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:59 pm

Hi Girls,

Well i started to spot this morning - not much, but its there when i wipe. I was holding onto the hope that maybe, just maybe this wee one was a slow starter an that if we went back for our scan next Monday - it wud still be there, grown an with a healthy HB ..... sadley thats not goiing to happen :cry:
This 3rd IVF was so different from the other 2 - we were so mch more positive, an the outcome was out of this world. We couldnt belive that it had worked an was so happy .... it was given to us in one had and snatched out of the other ... i wish i hadnt gotten pg, wish at the end of my 2ww it was a negative .... a negative is so much easer to deal with.

It was our last go ... no more chances left, no more funds - im 41 in Aug ... too old, too tired ... too hurt to go thru this again.
At 12pm tonight - no good seeing the new year in saying 'this is our year' cos its not going to be ..... its never going to be our year no more, an that hurts more than anything, not being able to try again...

DH cried in my arms like a baby this morning when i told him i was spotting, he cried like a baby cos i wa losing his baby an there was nothng any of us can do about it ... why is life so cruel .... to see the man u married, the strong loving supportive man cry in my arms cos his only child is being taken away from us ....... how do we go on after all that :(

1 IVF=BFN 2 IVF=BFN 3 IVF=BFP :) m/c @ 8 wks :( 4 IVF=BFN
We must now let go of the life we had planned, to live the life waiting for us..

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Adoption course starts March 19th
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Postby kholtan » Wed Dec 31, 2008 4:48 pm

Your post just makes me want to sit and have a good cry with you. I am sooooooo sorry for what you are dealing with. Let it all out though. The good, the angry, the sadness, the frustration, the disappointment, the hurt, and let your self feel everything you need to. Holding it in won't help and clearly your husband understands that as well. He sounds amazing.

There will be happiness again and I know it doesn't seem like it now but just take it one day at a time. One step together at a time and hold onto one another. We lost a baby as well and it was a long time before I could say I was happy again. We cried as they strolled me into the OR to take our baby at about the same time as you lost yours. Some people thought we should get over it fast because we weren't very far along but I can tell you that we still think about that baby everyday. Years later and it won't go away but it does get better.

I will be thinking of you and I sincerely hope there is something wonderful around the corner for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sending lots of hugs your way.

Take care of each other~
Kimberly
Me 35, DH 35
Ectopic Oct. 2005
IVF transfer 1-21-07. . .TWINS!!!!
ww.batesbabies.blogspot.com

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Postby CT_Michele » Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:22 pm

Welsh-

I don't know how to even respond to this post, because I am sure there is not much anyone can say to make you feel any better. I am so saddened by reading your story and I wish there was a way your ivf family on this site could make things better. know that all of the women here understand what you are going through and you are in all of our thoughts and prayers. It truly is a cruel world when wonderful women like yourself have to endure such heartache. I am so sorry :cry:
Me- 28 DH- 33 Male Factor
1st IVF- 12/07- BFP! Ella Michele was born 8/26/8
2nd IVF- 04/09 - BFN
1st FET- 09/09 - Chemical
3rd IVF - 04/11 - Embies didn't make it to ET
4th IVF - Fall 2011??
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Postby sharishu » Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:35 pm

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. Know that all the women here are here supporting you, myself included. It sounds like you and your husband have all the right ingredients to get through this together. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Shari
Damaged Tubes; 1st IVF- BFN; 2nd IVF-BFP, our precious son :); 3rd IVF stopped due to natural miracle BFP, then mc@8 wks.; 4th IVF: June '11- BFN :( Bring On IVF#4!

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Postby LauraLou » Thu Jan 01, 2009 1:04 am

Welshgirl,

I am so terribly sorry. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and know the anguish you feel at losing a baby who was wanted so much. I can't imagine how much more awful it is to know this was your last chance.

Please know I am praying for you and your DH.

Laura
Me 38, DH 52
1st IVF 5/06- BFP m/c
2nd IVF 9/06- BFP identical twin boys!!
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Postby Sara30 » Thu Jan 01, 2009 9:59 pm

Hi Welshgirl

I am so sorry for your loss, you put up a post congratulating me on my BFP and I was so excited when I read about your own BFP, and I cried when I read your post saying they could not find your little ones heartbeat, the same has happened to me also and no-one can imagine the pain.
I am so so sorry....

Lee xx
Finally I am a mummy, we are about to adopt our beautiful little girl xxxxx
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