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When does the "wonderful" begin? (just whining)

Announcement of pregnancy and birth following assisted reproductive treatment.

When does the "wonderful" begin? (just whining)

Postby Fluffypuppygal » Wed Dec 31, 2008 8:03 pm

Hi guys!
You know by now I am a brutally honest person, so I am just going to toss this one out on the table...
For Christmas this year I got about ten different books on pregnancy, and I have been thumbing through them off and on.
Now don't get me wrong, I love and WANT my baby very, very much! But to be honest, I am not finding pregnancy "magical," "wonderful," or "peaceful," like the books tell me I should feel. If I were to choose adjectives, I would use words like "scary," "worrysome," or "stressful." And also "frustrating."
I can't seem to be that blissful little gal who is "bumpin'" along.
I am constantly afraid or upset. I always seem to have some cramp, spotting or concerning factor to worry about. I was told when I reached 2nd trimester that I could pretty much relax, but it seems every day I have someone who is one to two weeks ahead of me telling a story of how their baby was lost. One gal even told me how her baby strangled to death while being delivered! Then I go to the OBGYN and read pamphlets on spinal bifida, Down's Syndrome, any other number of awful conditions. My work is not cutting me one iota of slack when it comes to being pregnant, and if anything is telling me I need to work harder and step it up! How?
To top this all off I haven't pooped right since September! It doesn't matter how much water I drink or how many fiber tabs I take. I go for days with nothing, then finally strain and strain till I want to faint to push out a concrete doogie.
I'm just a mess!
Me - 37, DH - 46
1 m/c at 26, 1 ectopic at 27
BFP with 1st IVF! 1st beta 60.85, 2nd beta 975!! Its a boy!
3rd trimester starts February 14th.
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Postby esperanza » Wed Dec 31, 2008 10:05 pm

Yeap, I get you!

I think it varies by women/pregnancy. I truly believe that most those books were written with women who don't have or have had any pregnancy issues in mind. Ya know what I mean? When I was pregnant the first time (natural that ended up in miscarriage) I was VERY naive and practically worry-less with all those "magical" feelings people write/talk about. After loosing the baby and dealing with infertility I feel like a huge veile has been lifted off my eyes. I must say that I have my moments of relaxation and enjoyment (heck, I've even felt special at times just because I'm carrying this baby), BUT very, very often I'm worried, filled with negative thoughts, and even though this pregnancy has been (thank GOD!!!!) very uneventful every little symptom or change makes me think that it's over. My mom gets upset when I share my feelings with her, she thinks I'm being too negative..the truth is that she cannot relate because she had no problem whatsoever conceiving, staying pregnant or having healthy children. The only ones that get me are you gals here AND my brother who has gone through this roller coaster with me and has witnessed a lot (DH gets it too, but whenever I try to share a concern he cuts me off, I think his heart can't take more bad news...he just wants to finally enjoy the thought that he's going to be a dad in a few months).

Anyway, I just wanted to say, hang in there sister friend. I hear you!
me: 33 dh: 40
2 miscarriages (natural pregs. #1 Aug 2006, #2 May 2010)
IVF # 1 jan 08 BFN
FET #1 March 08 BFN
FET #2 July 08 BFP (DD born on April 2009)
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Postby esperanza » Wed Dec 31, 2008 10:11 pm

One more thing, even though I still worry, one thing that makes me feel good and more "magical" about being pregnant is right after I leave my midwife's office; thankfully I always get good news, so for the following few days I feel happier and more relaxed (until, of course, something crosses my mind, or I hear a scary story, or someone makes a crazy comment about my belly or something).

Also, now that I can feel my girl move more and more I'm starting to feel more confident because it is reassuring to know that she's in there alive, moving, and kicking!
me: 33 dh: 40
2 miscarriages (natural pregs. #1 Aug 2006, #2 May 2010)
IVF # 1 jan 08 BFN
FET #1 March 08 BFN
FET #2 July 08 BFP (DD born on April 2009)
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Postby CT_Michele » Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:14 pm

Oh girls, I hear ya loud and clear! I was not your "glowing" pregnant woman. I wondered if I would ever feel wonderful and magical and glowing. People said I was, but I knew they were just saying it. I wasn't miserable, just always worried and wondering when I would feel like a mom. I thought I would never feel it and was terrified I wouldn't be good enough for my baby because i wasn't like every pregnant woman i saw or read about. But let me tell you this, the magic came the second I delivered her. Even though it was c-section, which was another unmagical moment to end my journey, the second I heard her cry, I cried too and it was the most magical moment of my life. So it will come, I promise :D
Me- 28 DH- 33 Male Factor
1st IVF- 12/07- BFP! Ella Michele was born 8/26/8
2nd IVF- 04/09 - BFN
1st FET- 09/09 - Chemical
3rd IVF - 04/11 - Embies didn't make it to ET
4th IVF - Fall 2011??
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Postby esperanza » Thu Jan 01, 2009 8:15 pm

Hi Michele!

Thank you for sharing your story, it does give me hope and helps me day dream of the day I get to hear this little baby cry for the first time. Luv ya girlfriend.

Happy New Year to you, DH, and Ella :)
me: 33 dh: 40
2 miscarriages (natural pregs. #1 Aug 2006, #2 May 2010)
IVF # 1 jan 08 BFN
FET #1 March 08 BFN
FET #2 July 08 BFP (DD born on April 2009)
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Postby JamieP » Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:41 am

I am with you all. I do not do pregnant very well at all! I turn into a vomiting machine, I worry and this time around all I want to do is sleep. I really try hard not to worry and have the mentality 'what will be will be' but it is hard to do and I don't find it easier as the pregnancy goes along - I tend to think the further along I get the more I have to lose. I do think you need to try your best to push all the negative thoughts out of your head and be positive because that helps make you feel better but I know its hard. I really do not enjoy being pregnant at all - to me the only positive thing about it is you get a great prize at the end of it and I try to stay focused on that. In fact when I am in a funk my DH will say - focus on the prize and really I think that is all you can do!

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Postby Fluffypuppygal » Fri Jan 02, 2009 6:12 pm

Thanks for the feedback guys! I really think I would be at a loss if I couldn't talk with you about some of these feelings and things! Glad to know I'm not alone! :wink:
I agree with Esperanza - every symptom or twinge makes me pull the mental alarm switch and think a crisis is coming. This gets so mentally and emotionally exhausting! (But I will say this, I am becoming very educated in perinatal symptoms!)
Me - 37, DH - 46
1 m/c at 26, 1 ectopic at 27
BFP with 1st IVF! 1st beta 60.85, 2nd beta 975!! Its a boy!
3rd trimester starts February 14th.
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Postby San926 » Fri Jan 02, 2009 7:16 pm

sweetie, u just posted such beautiful positive thoughts to my message, i really feel sometimes over bookish knowldege can really mess one up!! i got the usual books like what to expect when expecting etc etc, my enthu hubby went running to Barnes and Nobles and got them for me! haha!!!

i think, we shuld all be positive and look to a bright future and of course the bumpo cannot be concealed!!

:D
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im on ur boat

Postby bdantonio » Fri Jan 02, 2009 7:46 pm

i have been pregnate 7times with 5 miscarraiges and two sucess stories, meaning i carried and delivered them. However if i had to be pregnate again i would cry. I thought pregnacy was torcher and inhumane. I hated it. I had more problems then i could count and all of it constantly waiting to miscarry. Those books are written by people who have what i call "walk through the park" pregnacies the ones that never see a hospital but to deliver!
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Totally agree!!

Postby San926 » Fri Jan 02, 2009 7:51 pm

Yup!! i agree with u totally!!!! but i still wonder how everyone still buys the books!!! No one can understand you unless they wear your shoes, but i am glad that there is always a light shining at everyone's tunnel's end! :!:
Best wishes to you dear and may u always remain positive! God Bless!!!
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Postby Warren Dew » Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:39 am

I just have to agree too. After years of fertility treatments, we were constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop when my wife actually got pregnant. I don't think we let ourselves hope that we'd actually have a baby until my wife started to feel her kicking.

Definitely take care of yourself. My wife kept going to the gym - though I wouldn't recommend starting now if you don't already - and I remember making a lot of grocery runs for her food cravings.

We found that bananas worked better than the fiber supplements to prevent the constipation from getting too bad. She doesn't actually like bananas that much, but she had half of one per day, and when she skipped, she really noticed it the next day. Get enough water, too, of course.
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Postby JamieP » Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:38 am

Eating bananas is also supposed to help prevent colic in the baby. Not sure if it is true but have heard it from loads of people and lots who swear by it. They say to eat one a day from around 6 months on to prevent colic in the baby.

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Postby Fluffypuppygal » Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:32 pm

Interesting! I think I will have to pick up some bananas! :-)
I also have been eating these oatmeal fiber bars that have 40% of the daily fiber in them, but even popcorn has been doing nothing except make me hold onto water!
Me - 37, DH - 46
1 m/c at 26, 1 ectopic at 27
BFP with 1st IVF! 1st beta 60.85, 2nd beta 975!! Its a boy!
3rd trimester starts February 14th.
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Postby babyloves » Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:50 pm

i always heard bananas for diarrhea, not constipation...but u never know. try metamucil every day and prunes...those work for me while i'm on iron 2 pills a day
me 33 DH 34
TTC 4 yrs
unexplained, 3 failed IUI
7/7 IVF #1
7/18 ET - 2 embies
8/1 BFP!
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Postby riogirl71 » Fri Jan 09, 2009 5:14 pm

oh pregnancy! Thank God for pregnancy memory loss! Honestly!
I was bloated, had GD, had a major scare with Downs (he is healthy, false positive test), scare of miscarriage, basically I was a wreck. But you forget when you see them and you want it all over again!!!! Hang in there it is the most wonderful thing in the world!
me 39 + DH 46 low mot - chemo
#3 IVF Lost one twin at 8 wks
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#2 IVF May 2010 Ectopic
#1 IVF
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