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More stupid problems!! :-P

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More stupid problems!! :-P

Postby Fluffypuppygal » Sun Jan 18, 2009 6:17 am

Anyone else having problems clearing space for the new arrival?
Here is the crazy thing - We have a 3b,3b house in the suburbs with an attached garage, and what should be more than enough space to make room for baby.
Both my husband and I are a little packrat-ish, and hate to throw anything away. After 10 years of marriage and living in our house 8 years, we have managed to somehow "grow" an amazing, random assortment of clutter. To make matters worse, we both have had numerous older relative die (we only have one surviving parent and one grandparent between us) and have become saddled with "heirlooms" of old china, figurines, and odd stuff with sentimental value.
Here is the problem: We need room for the baby!!!! Seriously! Every available closet is packed full of stuff and every surface area in our house is completely covered with knick-knacks! :shock:
Here is the bigger problem: I have decided enough is enough, and I am starting to purge the house of things we don't use or don't need. DH is fighting me tooth and nail on this. Me taking two carloads of stuff to the donation bin today has been the grounds for huge quarrels. DH seriously picked through the boxes and made me justify why I needed to toss old glass vases, sea shells, dented luggage, and Barbies I had impulse-bought back in 1998 when I thought someday we would have a girl. (We are having a boy.)
I have more to do, as I need to clear out my office and will have to throw away old computer software and books, which means more quarrels in the future. Plus, I really need my husband to do his part and get rid of a LOT of his junk. (We have over 100 old magazines he "collects," old shirts which he hasn't worn since we moved, old books he hasn't touched since we moved, and an odd, random assortment of do-dads collected in the garage and den which do nothing but collect dust and take up space.) He is refusing to get rid of ANY of his things. :x
I don't understand it - the majority of this stuff I'm wanting to toss or donate are things we have replaced or upgraded or simply don't use at all. My husband acts like I'm going nuts and am going to financially ruin us by tossing out old VHS tapes of "Weekend at Bernie's!" :evil:
How can I get him to let go?!? I don't want to use the baby coming as the reason, as then the baby will become the "bad guy," forcing Daddy to give up his priceless boombox from 1989.
We don't argue over money. We don't fight over relatives. But so help me god, throw away a plastic mug and all hell breaks loose!
Me - 37, DH - 46
1 m/c at 26, 1 ectopic at 27
BFP with 1st IVF! 1st beta 60.85, 2nd beta 975!! Its a boy!
3rd trimester starts February 14th.
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Postby karenvancouverisland » Sun Jan 18, 2009 6:43 am

well, i think what you're doing is very smart- to de-junk...what i've learned about my DH is that he processes things /decisions more slowly than i do- in other words, i get a great idea and am ready to act on it, and he has a fit.

what's worked for me is to sit him down and only "stick to the facts" of the issue, not opinions, values ect. then pose to him- 'i don't know what to do- this is the only solution i see'-- maybe freak him out by suggesting you buy a bigger house if he wants to keep all that stuff.

i don't know, men can be difficult in their own unique ways, and then get away with calling themselves 'low maintenance'.

we need to finish our basement to make room for a baby, my dh didn't want to start working on it til july- cause he's too busy with work until then, remarkably- i NEEDED to point out to him that WE'RE HAVING A BABY IN JULY! (idiot), and that any extra time he has in july, would be best spent with us.

well, he had a fit....i suggested we pay for professionals to come and finish it then. he thought about it, apologized to me the next day, and started working on the basement 4 days later and hasn't stopped since. i love him, but he can be a pain.

good luck, take charge and i hope you find a good home (charity?) for all that stuff. karen
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
feb 21 hb 154
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Postby JamieP » Sun Jan 18, 2009 12:12 pm

Get rid of it all when he is not around - just box by box start throwing stuff out but do it when he isn't around! By the sounds of things he will never know it is gone. I get fed up with my husband wanting to keep junk. I went crazy a little while ago and got rid of a load of old junk.

Where does he think the baby and all his stuff is going to go? Just keep at it and sooner or later he will realize he has no choice.

Jamie
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Postby Kas101 » Sun Jan 18, 2009 4:09 pm

Fluffy Good luck with that!!!! I have to comment because you and your DH are the exact polar opposites of me and my DH - my DH has to travel a lot with his work, so we have our base in FL (a 2bd apt) and 5/6 months of the year we have to transfer and live in the accommodation his work supplies, hence we are masters of moving and we have the whole minimalist thing down to a tee.

We toss out or give to charity everything we are not going to use in the next 12 months and ALL of our clothes fit into 2 suitcases. I can pack ALL of our belongings in one day and when we move, we fit everything we need for the next 6 months into the back of our Expedition!!!

I know thats not being really helpful but i thought it was funny how we are all so different!!! I know we are also going to have to make some serious lifestyle changes soon as well though as we are expecting triplets... I guess becoming mommies for the fist time is going to turn ALL of our lives upside down!!!!

FYI, my brother is a musician and he has TONS of instruments, recording gear, memorabilia etc that my SIL hates so he has his own 'music room' in the house that is his. Its crammed with stuff all over the walls and my bro spends so much time in there - how about creating a space like that for your DH? His own personal 'den' - you could subtly move all his 'treasures' in there for him and reclaim the rest of the house!!!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!
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Postby Fluffypuppygal » Sun Jan 18, 2009 4:13 pm

The problem is he does notice things missing, then we have a huge drama. Just this morning, I was woken up at 0530 (I went to bed at midnight) with DH upset. An old, 1" thick dust-covered 5x7 photo of his mother which had been in the spare bedroom had been moved! Into the office!! And I had tossed the chipped, old 80's frame it had been in!!! WHAT?!? I'm going to put it in a newer frame and hang it?!? SPENDING MONEY!!!
I think I am just going to have to do like Karen, and sit him down and spell out the facts. We talked about it for a long time yesterday, and while he agrees that we have a lot of stuff that needs to go, he also wants to put it off until "later." Well, we are going on vacation in February, we have a yard that takes up all his time and attention in the spring, and baby will be here in June, so we don't really have a "later." And for me to make room for the stuff which has value from the spare room (now nursery), I have to have room made downstairs, which means a lot fo things need to go.
I don't know if there is going to be a happy medium on this. Maybe I will just have to learn to deal with tantrums early! :wink:
Me - 37, DH - 46
1 m/c at 26, 1 ectopic at 27
BFP with 1st IVF! 1st beta 60.85, 2nd beta 975!! Its a boy!
3rd trimester starts February 14th.
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Postby CT_Michele » Sun Jan 18, 2009 4:38 pm

Just a suggestion that might work- why not offer to cosign, sell on amazon or sell on craigslist anything that you could get anything for. Then let him take the money and buy one thing he has wanted for a while. It might soften the blow. I did that with dh and he got a playstation 3. Maybe your dh would like something for his car, or something like a blu-ray dvd player. I know you can't "spend" money with a baby on the way, but if the money is from selling his stuff, then it is money you wouldn't have had anyway.

If the stuff is truly "junk" with no value, then you need to just have that serious talk with him. Trust me, you will never have enough room for the baby stuff, even if you get rid of everything. Maybe tell dh you will let him keep one closet(or section of the garage) for himself, and he needs to decide what he is keeping, only what fits in his space, everything else needs to go. Good luck.
Me- 28 DH- 33 Male Factor
1st IVF- 12/07- BFP! Ella Michele was born 8/26/8
2nd IVF- 04/09 - BFN
1st FET- 09/09 - Chemical
3rd IVF - 04/11 - Embies didn't make it to ET
4th IVF - Fall 2011??
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Postby karenvancouverisland » Sun Jan 18, 2009 5:26 pm

my favorite thing to do is to suggest (with all seriousness and a straight face) other options that i know he won't like....in this case- telling him if he's not comfortable with us making the decisions- why don't we hire a professional organizer? -- or setting a bottom line of -it needs to get out of the house, so if you want it in the garage/workshop, it can all be moved there instead......or even bring out the big guns and say 'maybe we need to see a marriage counselor to resolve this' (men hate that idea).

ha ha. hope it works out. he'll get used to it..just like you're starting to adjust to the tantrums
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
feb 21 hb 154
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Postby alreadyblessed » Sun Jan 18, 2009 11:52 pm

Fluffy~ Forgive me, but I almost wet myself cracking up at the way you posted your problem. You are very funny. :lol: :lol: :lol: . On a serious note, I can kind of understand where you are coming from. It is ironic that I jumped on and read your post, as I myself have just started to "nest" and have spent the past 2 hours cleaning out every drawer in my kitchen, and organizing things by ziplock bag.
I don't know if this will help you, but I have a few suggestions. Comprimise and go box for box. For every box of YOUR things you get rid of, he must fill a box of HIS things. He can choose which of his things he is least attatched too. Another suggestion, is that if he is so attatched to everything, tell him that he can keep everything, but he is going to have to pay for a monthly storage unit to keep it in. He can visit it anytime he wants then, organize and keep it how he wants, the only thing is that he will have to pay to keep all those things he can't seem to live without. The bottom line is that you need room for the baby, and a cluttered house is not only going to drive you crazy, it's a hazard when the baby starts to get around. It's amazing how much he will be willing to part with when he has to pay to store it.
In the meantime, pray that noone close to you dies that owns an elephant! :D Keep your sense of humor!! Stay strong! Good luck!
1st IVF~DD 2004
2nd IVF~ 2008 BFP
Thank you Lord for this blessing
love and miss you gram and baby b
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