I've lost a twin

Announcement of pregnancy and birth following assisted reproductive treatment.
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sophiejane
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I've lost a twin

Post by sophiejane » Wed Jan 05, 2005 3:47 pm

:(
I had a scan today (10 1/2 weeks pg) and one of my twins has died. It was fine 2 weeks ago at my last scan so this is just such a shock. I am so gutted, devastated and can't stop crying, but then feel so guilty for the other baby who I should be nurturing and be happy for.
They say that the surviving twin is fine, with it measuring 11 weeks, so this is a good sign. But I feel so scared that we will lose this one too. :cry:

I feel so ill and tired, and have cramps which seem to be getting worse. I am so worried that these cramps mean I am miscarrying the other twin. I keep on going to the toilet to see whether I am bleeding or not. The nurses can't say whether the dead baby will be absorbed or whether I will fully miscarry it and bleed. It is shrinking as it only measured 7 weeks 3 days whereas at the last scan it was 8 weeks in size.

My God, I don't know what I will do if I lose the other baby too. At 10 1/2 weeks I have told work colleagues and friends that I am having twins, and have bought books on twins.
Life can be so crap. It takes so long for us to actually conceive a baby and then I go and lose one. I must remain positive for this other one, and know that I am lucky to still be carrying one baby but I am just so scared. How will I get through the next few weeks until the next scan?????
Me 33 dp 30
me tubal damage
ist ivf Feb04 -ive
fet July04 -ive
ivf Nov04 +ive twins, but sadly one twin died at 10 weeks gestation. Freya born 21st July 2005. She's amazing!

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LORRAINE G
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Post by LORRAINE G » Wed Jan 05, 2005 5:28 pm

I am so sorry that you have lost one of your beloved babies, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your DH

much love
Lorraine G

valpas
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Location: Virginia, USA

Post by valpas » Wed Jan 05, 2005 5:59 pm

Oh my GOD Sophie,
I am so sorry to hear this. It was a shock to me. I am so so sorry. You need to stay positive for the other baby. I can imagine how horrible it is, but you need to be very strong. Take full bed rest. Keep a pillow under your feet.
When is your next scan? Be strong and positive.
Lots of love and hugs,
Valli.
Me 33, Dh 35
ttc for 8years
One M/C at 14weeks in '96
Right ectopic pregnancy '98
Right ectopic again '03-tube removed
IVF/ICSI April 03 -ve
IVF/ICSI Sep'04 -ve
IVF/ICSI Nov'04 +ve--delivered beautiful daughter on Aug 5th.

Paige
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Post by Paige » Wed Jan 05, 2005 6:06 pm

Sophie:

I am so so sorry this is happening to you. Please take it easy and to hang in there until you next scan.

Paige

caz1
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Post by caz1 » Wed Jan 05, 2005 7:19 pm

Sophie - I am so so sorry for you, how awful, must just be a massive shock . Its got to be COMPLETELY natural for you to feel how you do

But please don't worry about the other twin though - the cramping is understandable given what you are going through and if they thought that there was ANYTHING wrong with your baby then they would have definately said something.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through - don't worry about having told people (although I know its natural too) - everyone will just want the best for you.

Take care of yourself and I look forward to hearing of your new arrival in 30 weeks!

Big X
Cazx

DebraP
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Post by DebraP » Wed Jan 05, 2005 7:52 pm

SophieJane, I'm so sorry to read your update. It must have been a real shock to you both. Crying and being upset is natural, don't bottle it all up.

I just scrolled down to Elizabeth's thread on this same, sad, subject last month. On 9th Dec you sent her a really lovely, supportive, reassuring message, if you can bear to, read it again and all your advice is still true, but this time for you.

Hugs
Debra.

Juliana
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Post by Juliana » Thu Jan 06, 2005 11:38 am

Hi Sophie,
I am so sorry to hear what happened to you! You must be torn between conflicting emotions, the sadness, the worry about the other baby, the need to adjust and go on! Please have faith, i am sure that the other baby is a survivor and will develop without any more problems, just try to have rest and remember all the people to whom this has happened and they have carried the other baby successfully to term! But also, I think it is wise to accept your emotions and the sadness, you were getting used to the idea of having two and the loss of this baby cannot but affect you! I will be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes.
love,
juliana

eacole
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Post by eacole » Thu Jan 06, 2005 2:19 pm

SophieJ,

I'm very, very sorry to hear that you have lost your twin. I just re-read your post to me when I miscarried my twin-take a look, if you can, just as Debra sugggests. One thing that sounds good to me is that your twin is shrinking, which means that less force will need to be exerted if you do miscarry, or that it will be absorbed. I'm sorry to sound so clinical, obviously I know exactly what you are going through and can empathise, but my thoughts can't help but turn to the surviving twin, just as your thoughts were for me. Remember too that I had cramping, but it did not affect the other baby. I'm not going to suggest that you not worry because I know you will and that is only natural, but take heart that many besides us have lost a twin but went on to have healthy deliveries of the other. Again, I'm so sorry to hear of your lost baby, and please try not to feel guilty about mourning your loss. I was torn between feeling upset and angry about my lost twin, happy that the other was fine, and trying not to worry too much. Somehow I ended up feeling everything at once, if thats possible, and it wasn't easy.

Thinking of you,
Elizabeth

julesg
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Post by julesg » Thu Jan 06, 2005 4:03 pm

Hi Sophie - Jane

I was so very sorry to read about your lose - I can only imagine how you must feel

Take Care

Love and hugs as always. You have been a great inspiration to us all over on the general forum - I wish you all the luck in the world

Julie
Me 32 DH 37 ttc 2years
Male Factor
First ICSI October 04 - cycle abandoned high risk of OHSS
ICSI April/May 05 -ve
ICSI Sep/Oct 05 +ve result 12th October
DD born June 2006
ICSI Oct/Nov08 -ve

Sand
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Location: Lancs, England

Post by Sand » Thu Jan 06, 2005 7:21 pm

Sophie-J ... I've just replied on your other thread, before seeing this one .... just to say that you're in my thoughts, my positive thoughts that is, for a succesful, healthy pregnancy with big brother/sister, who I am sure has already set their mind to getting comfy down there for the whole 9 months ...

I know it's easy for me to say, but pls try to be +ve ..

Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11

anna.lewis
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Post by anna.lewis » Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:16 pm

Sophie-Jane
I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I hope you and your partner are taking it easy and looking after each other. Hang in there.
Love and hugs, Anna xx
Me:31 DH:35
1st IVF/ICSI June 04 -ve
2nd IVF/ICSI Nov 04 +ve
Fingers and toes crossed for the next stage!

Shellie
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Post by Shellie » Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:59 pm

I am so sorry to hear your news SophieJane. It's difficult to know what to say other than you are in my thoughts. Please try to take it easy and rest up and keep your healthy baby warm and snug inside you.

Shellie
DH 37, me 28 with Endometriosis
First attempt at IVF in May, now pregnant with twins. Fingers still crossed.

kappy
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Post by kappy » Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:05 am

Sophie,
I'm so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine how torn you must feel. Needing to grieve for the one you lost, yet trying to remind yourself that there's another little one in there that needs you. Please try and stay strong and positive for the other baby, and remember that your doctor said that he/she looks strong.
Kelly
Me (35) Premature Ovarian Failure DH (33) OK
IVF Aug 04 -ive, IUI Oct 04 -ive, IUI Dec 04 +ive!!! Hannah Bryce is 18 months!

sophiejane
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Location: Ringwood, Hants

Post by sophiejane » Sun Jan 09, 2005 5:08 pm

Thanks for all your posts. I have been staying positive, and di go out today with some friends. I saw the doctor on Friday and he said to keep active, as I was too scared even to walk down the stairs!!.
It is so hard being positive for the other little baby, especially as I am still having really bad cramps. the doctor couldn't really say whether the cramps were from my body rejecting / absorbing the dead (can't think of another word to call it) baby or whether its something wrong with the other one.
But I have decided to go through the next few weeks still believing a hundred percentage that I will be a mummy in 6 months time.
Thanks again everyone for boosting my mood. I will keep you posted, and hopefully have some good news. My next scan is january 18th. Only 1 week and 2 days to go.
Hope everyone else is doing well (pregnancy is sooo difficult ... is worse than a cycle of ivf)
Me 33 dp 30
me tubal damage
ist ivf Feb04 -ive
fet July04 -ive
ivf Nov04 +ive twins, but sadly one twin died at 10 weeks gestation. Freya born 21st July 2005. She's amazing!

julesg
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Posts: 713
Joined: Thu Sep 16, 2004 3:13 pm
Location: liverpool

Post by julesg » Sun Jan 09, 2005 6:54 pm

Hi Sophie-Jane

Just wanted to wish you best wishes and good luck and to let you know that I am thinking about you - I think that we spend so much time thinking about getting pregnant that we forget that it is just the start of the worry.

You PMA really was a bit inspiration to me as well as many others I am sure

Look after yourself and I hope after the 18th you can start to enjoy being pregnant a bit more and look forward to the joys of parenting

Take Care
Love and hugs
Julie
Me 32 DH 37 ttc 2years
Male Factor
First ICSI October 04 - cycle abandoned high risk of OHSS
ICSI April/May 05 -ve
ICSI Sep/Oct 05 +ve result 12th October
DD born June 2006
ICSI Oct/Nov08 -ve

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