I had a scan today at 14 wks 2days Found out both twins are girls. We were advised to have this scan today at 14 weeks after my scan at 12 weeks in London. The scan at 12 weeks for Downs showed everything normal in both babies but one of them had Tricuspid Regurgitation which is a heart valve condition and is evident in 80% of Downs babies. Hospital said if this does not go by 20 weeks it might be a very good indication of Downs.
Today the Tricuspid was worse, although the Doctor said it does initially get worse then hopefully will settle. He measured twin 2's Nuchal Fluid and said it was not an ideal time to measure it at 14 weeks but was concerned that it has gone from 2mm at 12 weeks to 4.2mm now and with the Tricuspid flow still present this concerned him a lot. He said the baby did have a nasal bone but again this was less apparent that baby 1's. Twin 1 was doing well she had a fluid of 2mm which was far less than twin 1 and this is what he said was concerning him because of the difference between them.
He didnt want to commit too much as he said it is still early days but when pushed he said he was 'Very concerned' he offered Amnio but with the miscarriage risk even though small my DH and I did not want to do this as I dont want to risk my other baby which is perfectly fine. I also said even if it was Downs I would not abort it because again it carries quite a risk with losing the other twin and this is a risk we cannot take.
We are now in a horrible situation, I feel bad in saying it but I dont think we could keep the baby if it has Downs. I would pay more attention to that one because of its special needs and maybe I would neglect the other girl. My husband is a Long Haul Pilot and is away a lot and I feel in my heart I would not be able to cope with a Downs baby. I feel bad when I say or think this but this is how I feel.
We are happy at least one baby appears totally normal and I thank God for that. I just wish God could give me an answer, if this baby does turn out to have Downs I dont want to abort and kill this little girl at 20 weeks or 32 weeks just because she has Downs - I mean its not her fault and I beleive that she deserves her life aswell as anyone but I dont think I could cope having her as a mother. It makes me cry because does this make me a bad person? All I want is my 2 healthy girls.
In a way I am so happy for having at least one confirmed happy baby but I am so early in my pregnancy in some ways I am worried so much I feel as if I am stuck in a nightmare - I always thought that pregnancies were supposed to be a happy time. I am so sad right now
Any advice would be appreciated - Am I a bad person for abandoning this baby if it has Downs by giving it up for adoption? I feel evil