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What?!?!?!

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

What?!?!?!

Postby Annie973 » Sun Sep 07, 2008 12:43 am

I am thinking about adopting because all I want is to be a mom. I just want to love a child....it's all I think about. I was just looking at adoption agencies online. They said adoptions could cost as much as $60,000 dollars! I am in shock! Can anyone please tell me how much they paid for adoption. Did it actually cost that much? I don't understand how the average middle class couple could ever afford that. I always thought if IVF doesnt work this was always an option. Now not only had IVF failed I feel this option slipping away..... :(
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Postby babyluv » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:17 am

Annie, $60,000 is pretty darn high, but I wouldn't say it's never happened.

I am the mom of two AMAZING children, both adopted internationally. My son was 18 months old when we brought him home from Russia and my daughter was 6 months when we brought her home from Kyrgyzstan. The average was $40,000. However, there is an $11,000 tax credit which brings down the cost quite a bit.

The costs vary greatly depending on what you are looking for (newborn, older child, race and gender specifications, etc). Adoption is an amazing way to build a family and we have been more than blessed by it. We actually chose to adopt before going through IVF (just had my retrieval today), but if this doesn't work out, I am sure we will adopt again.

Good luck with your decision.
Me - 30
DH - 38
DS - 5 (adopted, Russia), DD 3 (adopted, Kyrgyzstan)
IVF 1-2: BFN
IVF 3: BFP!!
Beta 1: 905 14dp3dt, Beta 2: 1709 16dp3dt
TWIN GIRLS!!

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Postby zoegirl » Tue Nov 25, 2008 12:03 pm

My friend adopted two healthy children from in-state (ages 2 and 4 - brother and sister). I think she said it was less than $5,000 total.
Me 39, endo, high fsh, DH 41 ("super sperm")
One DS from IVF #1, born 10/23/07
EDD 9/1/11 but of course, we expect them to arrive early
Passed 1st tri screen w/flying colors! Level II went great! Fetal Echo on 5/9/11
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Postby AuntyPebbles » Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:34 pm

I am going to PM you with some info...i am in NY but i do have a friend who lives in NJ she knows someone who runs an adoption agency may be of help...

wishing you luck Aunty
Me 42 ,DH 45 ...3 IVF's BFN
Mommy to my beautiful girls Gabby(4) and Kenzie(2)

Now on Face Book pm me for information..
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Postby dancingirl76 » Sun Dec 07, 2008 1:03 pm

I just went through IVF for the 5th time, still no success. My DH and I just don't know what to do. I'm almost 33, he's 30. We've been married over 6 years and TTC for all of that with the last 2 1/2 years being IVF. Our dilemma is IVF if paid for by my insurance, so for each cycle we maybe have to come up with $300 max plus car expenses to drive 1 1/2 away for every appt. Neither of us have anything with our work that helps with adoption other than you can take time off without pay if you have adopted. We don't have a lot of money, we are paycheck to paycheck and no one wealthy in our family to help us pay for adoption. Well, other that my father-in-law until he got divorced, paid his wife off, and then had to pay for his 17 yr old daughter to have 2 babies within 2 yrs.... Whole other sorted story.

I just don't know what to do. Drs can't figure out what the problem is other than we never have but 3 embryos to transfer each time, nothing left to freeze, and the one time it worked I miscarried a month into the pregnancy.

I'm just sick to my stomach. I don't know ANYTHING about adoption other than it takes forever if you want a baby or at least under 1 yr old (which we would prefer... race or sex isn't a huge deal to me) and costs a lot.

IVF is covered by insurance so we could just keep doing that and hoping it someday works... if the dr is willing... or give up. There's just no way we can afford to adopt.

I just don't know what to do.
TTC since 2002
IVF #1 4-07 2 transferred BFN
Cancelled cycle 6-07
ICF #2 9-07 2 transferred BFN
switch clinics 10-07
IVF #3 12-07 3 transferred BFP
M/C 1-08
IVF #4 ER 8-08 BFN
IVF #5 ER 11-19 BFN
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Postby Fluffypuppygal » Sun Dec 14, 2008 5:45 am

Hi!
Okay, one other idea to put on the table, even though it is not one of my more favorite "solutions" for infertility... You can do a home study (which is a few hundred dollars out-of-pocket, but you would have to do it anyway for adoption) and become a foster parent.
Now why do I say this is not my favorite idea? Because many (most) times the children are coming from abusive home situations, and may have to deal with tough starts in life (fetal alchohol syndrome or infant drug addiction to name a few). Does this mean they can't become healthy individuals with a lot of love and work? No. But it is something to think about.
The "up side" - You can have children placed with you almost immediately and for free. You can talk with the social worker to tell them how many children you are willing to take and what ages or abilities you would consider. You would be paid for the child's support and keep, which isn't a lot, but it helps. If the child ultimately became available for adoption, you would get first dibs, since most people want to keep children in the homes they are familiar with. If the placement didn't work out, the child could be moved to another foster home.
The "down side" - The biggest is sometimes you have to deal with the birth parents, who 99% of the time are not desirable people. If the birth parent doesn't want to give up custody, the odds are the child will be returned to them at some point, and this will be heart-breaking. Most of the time the children are older (7 and up), unless you would be willing to work with a disabled infant, or a family of siblings which would include both older and younger kids.

We looked very hard at foster parenting and decided it wasn't a good match for us, but a few friends of ours have done it and have been very happy. They were able to completely adopt their children and now have pretty sizeable families. Some of the kids have issues and some don't.
Anyway, it is something to throw out on the table to take a look at.
Me - 37, DH - 46
1 m/c at 26, 1 ectopic at 27
BFP with 1st IVF! 1st beta 60.85, 2nd beta 975!! Its a boy!
3rd trimester starts February 14th.
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Postby Fluffypuppygal » Sun Dec 14, 2008 5:48 am

Hi!
Okay, one other idea to put on the table, even though it is not one of my more favorite "solutions" for infertility... You can do a home study (which is a few hundred dollars out-of-pocket, but you would have to do it anyway for adoption) and become a foster parent.
Now why do I say this is not my favorite idea? Because many (most) times the children are coming from abusive home situations, and may have to deal with tough starts in life (fetal alchohol syndrome or infant drug addiction to name a few). Does this mean they can't become healthy individuals with a lot of love and work? No. But it is something to think about.
The "up side" - You can have children placed with you almost immediately and for free. You can talk with the social worker to tell them how many children you are willing to take and what ages or abilities you would consider. You would be paid for the child's support and keep, which isn't a lot, but it helps. If the child ultimately became available for adoption, you would get first dibs, since most people want to keep children in the homes they are familiar with. If the placement didn't work out, the child could be moved to another foster home.
The "down side" - The biggest is sometimes you have to deal with the birth parents, who 99% of the time are not desirable people. If the birth parent doesn't want to give up custody, the odds are the child will be returned to them at some point, and this will be heart-breaking. Most of the time the children are older (7 and up), unless you would be willing to work with a disabled infant, or a family of siblings which would include both older and younger kids.

We looked very hard at foster parenting and decided it wasn't a good match for us, but a few friends of ours have done it and have been very happy. They were able to completely adopt their children and now have pretty sizeable families. Some of the kids have issues and some don't.
Anyway, it is something to throw out on the table to take a look at.
Me - 37, DH - 46
1 m/c at 26, 1 ectopic at 27
BFP with 1st IVF! 1st beta 60.85, 2nd beta 975!! Its a boy!
3rd trimester starts February 14th.
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Postby ogr1 » Thu Feb 12, 2009 12:48 am

if you are a foster parent and want to adopt one of your foster children then they will pay for the home study and all of the fees. we have adopted 6 children and have 8 fooster sons.
we have been doing it for 15 years. i was a foster child also.
we know have 3 grandchildren and love them all so much.
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
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Postby Tris » Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:13 pm

Hi! I hope this message is not too late as I see the post was from 2008...What about adopting from Asia??? Like the Philippines? Ive heard of many agencies that have many babies waiting to be adopted.....some wont even cost as much as one IVF treatment in the US! Many are charitable orgs that just want these children to have homes and a loving family to care for them...not as a business deal.....There are many options...look around first, the world is huge :) and many many childrean are in need.....
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