i am stil going through ivf, however not reacting to the highest dosage of FSH as l should be. we are doing one more cycle biut i am not hopeful. my husbane is constantly starting conversations with 'when we have our kid..' and l keep saying 'if we have a kid..' he doesnt get it - he is so hopeful. it makes me feel so bad, as this is all my fault...for the past 15 years i have been obsessed with exercise - l love it..as a result l had low body fat and was deficient in fats and minerals. i have tried to change (which has been very hard) but nothing is working...
bottom line,. how will colin forgive me when l cant give him something he wants because of my previous actions..i am riddled with guilt...what if i am stuffing up his life..he says he loves me etc..but what happens in 5 years time when he really wishes he had a kid - who does he blame - me -ligitamey, i have had a laproscy..everything is where is should be..the problem is how i abused my body - eating disorder, over erercise etc...\
i hang my head in shame...