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dont know what to write

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

dont know what to write

Postby ogr » Sat Jul 19, 2003 3:38 am

i cant write on the other side any more. they need to only thinking good thoughts about being pregnant. we have been wanting to be pregnant for 13 years. we finaly got pregnant with ivf and where 8 wks with twins before we got a blood clot that cut off there oxygen. had to do a d&c. i didnt think anything would ever hurt so bad, untill we started ivf again and we where lucky enough to get pregnant again.this time with one child.we waited we past the 8 wks and everything was going great. then we waited to get past the 12 wks.then we told everyone that we where pregnant..it was all so wonderful.then 12 days before we where 5 months pregnant my water broke. we went to the hospital and there i layed and there wasnt anything i could do to help save our son.since there wasnt anything that could be done we went to the hotel.. i went to go to the bathroom and i could feel our son.the doctor brought him into this world and gave him to my husband and said he was perfect.my husband held his son and we counted his toes and his ever so little fingers.we watched him take 2 little breaths.and moses craig barrus went to be with his grandmother and heavenly father...<br> i know how lucky we where to be pregnant twice. it still hurts. i was doing some what ok but then my breast started leeking milk..<br> damn it all hurts so much.
cleaning out my old desk and found a cd that had a bunch of stuff on it and one of my old names and password was on it and it worked.. hopefuly i can find my first name that i used..
nick there is hope
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dont know what to write

Postby LORRAINE G » Sat Jul 19, 2003 5:47 am

Oh Becky I feel for you so much. Doesn't matter what side of the site you post on, we are all wanting to send you our love and concern. I have written before that there are no words that any of us can say, only that we feel so much sadness for you and your DH. Can't really add much, I am thinking of you and hoping that time will ease your pain.<br><br>Lorraine G
Posts: 234
Joined: Sat May 03, 2003 12:24 pm

dont know what to write

Postby Lorraine » Sat Jul 19, 2003 11:28 am

Dear Becky<br>After such a heartbreaking, senseless, experience it is no wonder you feel so desolate. There are no words I can offer to console you - but I hope and pray you and your husband can find some peace after such a cruel blow. <br>I recently witnessed my best friend and his wife become bereft after their beautiful daughter Alice died at just 6 hours old. I have seen close up the effects of such a loss and I can hear your pain - sadly there is no magic cure for the way you feel, but I thought I would share with you what my friend told me was the best advice he was given. <br>Be gentle with yourselves, keep talking, let the tears flow and hold onto one another as tightly as you can. The strength you need to survive this is within one another. Go softly with each other and remember you will grieve differently and at a different pace. <br>Above all remember that together you became parents, and had a very special son, a remarkable bond that is yours and yours alone.<br>My friends have done much to remember their daughters life, such as, planting the same flowers which were in bloom when she was born, and commisioning a water feature for their garden - it seems to help them remember - and they tell me it helps to make new HAPPIER memories which they can assosciate with her.<br>Give yourself time and the permission to feel and express how you feel - it is only then the healing can begin.<br>Probably THE most optimistic thing I can tell you is that 7 months down the line my friends are rebuilding their lives, his wife has just returned to work, they have found a local "baby bereavement" group which has been a blessing, the road they have travelled is hugely difficult, but they are learning to survive, and are now better able to celebrate their daughters life.<br>Anyway Becky I just wanted to tell you that no matter what - there is eventually a new kind of hope and peace - even after such a traumatic loss - I hope you can find it.<br>You are in my thoughts<br>Lorraine<br>xxxxx
Married to my darling husband for almost 8 years - ttc for same.
Me - severe PCOS & Hubby - low sperm/poor morphology/antibodies.
Usual investigations/drug Tx then 3 IVF cycles - all negative.
Have chosen not to have any further Tx.
Posts: 161
Joined: Fri Jun 20, 2003 3:19 pm
Location: Kent

dont know what to write

Postby Jo Locker » Wed Jul 23, 2003 1:48 pm

Becky your experience is one of the saddest things I've ever heard. It's my view that no-one ever goes to heaven without someone waiting there for them, and I know that Moses is there now and has members of your families to love him up there, and his Mum & Dad always to love him from down here, til you meet again.<br><br>I don't understand how life is so cruel.<br><br>Sending you lots of love, Jo.XXXXXX
Jo Locker
Posts: 426
Joined: Tue May 06, 2003 3:06 pm
Location: UK

dont know what to write

Postby rachel r » Wed Jul 23, 2003 7:46 pm

Dearest Becky<br><br>I feel so so sad that you've had this terrible experience. You're showing amazing courage and strength by speaking of your experience and I hope you will find it therapeutic in time to come.<br><br>Don't expect anything of yourself - take your time to mourn your loss, there's no set period for your grieving.<br><br>I am so sorry that I don't really know what to say to you, other than that I am thinking of you and your DH, and I hope you find comfort in knowing that Moses is being cared for in heaven.<br><br>With love<br><br>Rachel<br>x
rachel r
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Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2003 5:40 pm
Location: Belmont, Surrey

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