I wanted to reply to your post, I don't often come on here now but it was my lifeline for several years. Like you I was unable to carry my babies, I got to about 9 weeks and that was it, I had 4 attempts my own eggs, donated eggs, frozen embryos, nothing worked.
You are not selfish, you are full of grief and despair, all I can say is there is life after IVF even if you don't feel that right now. It does get easier to bear over time, (I used to hate it when people said that to me, I would scream inside, how could they possibly know how I felt whilst smiling nicely at them!) For me it has never gone away though and I do still feel sadness at times, but then I wouldn't want it to go away, I lost my babies and I want to remember them. Even if you didn't conceive a pregnancy, in your mind you may have chosen names you would call your children, what they would look like, what they would be like, I know I did. You need to give yourself time to grieve over your loss and feel your loss, I cried enough tears to fill a river, raged at my bedroom walls and shouted its not fair more times than I can remember, and eventually it got easier slowly, a day at a time.
I have no grave to visit, I had no funeral to go to, so I have a rosebush in my garden covered in windmills and pretty childlike garden ornaments and once a year on the day I had my last miscarriage I buy a flower display from the florists and keep it in my house as a remembrance of my babies, this helps me to know they are not forgotten.
I am now a mummy to 2 amazing children we have adopted, this was the right thing for us to do. who knows where your path will take you but in time you will get there.
I hope this helps, I feel for your loss, my thoughts are with you even though we don't know each other.
Take Care x
Finally I am a mummy, we are about to adopt our beautiful little girl xxxxx