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What do I do now?

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

What do I do now?

Postby want2bmommy2014 » Fri Feb 28, 2014 5:58 pm

Hi everyone This is the first time ive joined a forum.
Im 32 and me and my husband have tried for a baby for 5 years naturally 2 years on icsi.

We have had 3 NHS treatments and we found out today that we have failed yet another treatment. No eggs were frozen and no way can we afford to pay for surrogacy or another treatment I just feel that life is cruel and that im just a big failure I cannot hold the embryos for longer than 10 days :(

I want to give up the idea of having children but my husband does not. I just feel that I cannot go threw any more heartache. Does tht seem selfish?

Im sorry for ranting on and for not using the short hand but I dont know it lol

Has anyone else been through this and what did u do?
want2bmommy2014
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Re: What do I do now?

Postby Sara30 » Fri Mar 14, 2014 10:40 pm

Hi,

I wanted to reply to your post, I don't often come on here now but it was my lifeline for several years. Like you I was unable to carry my babies, I got to about 9 weeks and that was it, I had 4 attempts my own eggs, donated eggs, frozen embryos, nothing worked.
You are not selfish, you are full of grief and despair, all I can say is there is life after IVF even if you don't feel that right now. It does get easier to bear over time, (I used to hate it when people said that to me, I would scream inside, how could they possibly know how I felt whilst smiling nicely at them!) For me it has never gone away though and I do still feel sadness at times, but then I wouldn't want it to go away, I lost my babies and I want to remember them. Even if you didn't conceive a pregnancy, in your mind you may have chosen names you would call your children, what they would look like, what they would be like, I know I did. You need to give yourself time to grieve over your loss and feel your loss, I cried enough tears to fill a river, raged at my bedroom walls and shouted its not fair more times than I can remember, and eventually it got easier slowly, a day at a time.
I have no grave to visit, I had no funeral to go to, so I have a rosebush in my garden covered in windmills and pretty childlike garden ornaments and once a year on the day I had my last miscarriage I buy a flower display from the florists and keep it in my house as a remembrance of my babies, this helps me to know they are not forgotten.
I am now a mummy to 2 amazing children we have adopted, this was the right thing for us to do. who knows where your path will take you but in time you will get there.
I hope this helps, I feel for your loss, my thoughts are with you even though we don't know each other.
Take Care x
Finally I am a mummy, we are about to adopt our beautiful little girl xxxxx
Sara30
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