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Here to stay - hi guys!

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

Here to stay - hi guys!

Postby beckym » Fri Jan 16, 2004 1:44 pm

Hello Luce, Alison, grace, ogr, becky

Well here I am. Really p*** that I missed your meeting-up evening!! What a shame I didn't log on earlier. Over Xmas (which was very cosy in France) we decided we would not go through with another cycle mainly cos of the ohss and associated health risks. Was in hospital 4 times last year (twice ohss, once hysteroscopy, once D&C) and am totally fed up with them!! It's a month today since the D&C and have slowly been coming to terms with the miscarriage and the fact that we will not be continuing with IVF. 95% of the time I'm ok but the rest of the time am in tears but I guess that's natural. Have been trying to keep myself very busy. We have decided to adopt a little girl from China. Both of us feel this is the right thing to do at this stage. I think you do know when it is right to stop. We have our follow-up with Mr T this afternoon but am very sure I will not be swayed to give it another shot. Just want to know why it happened I guess.

Have already met up with some people who have adopted and am trying to get in contact with as many people as possible for chats to learn as much as I can. I know it will be a long process - prob a couple of years at least but we are very determined to see it through. I originally said we would try IVF 5 times but hadn't factored my susceptibility to ohss into that. it really does make a difference, as you do worry each time that you might not make it.

Think I may explore that moretolife website. Alison, was it you who was looking at this?

Let me know if you guys are going to meet up again as want to join in!!

beckym xxxx
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Postby Dagny » Fri Jan 16, 2004 6:40 pm

Hi Becky

I was wondering where you had got to and suspected you were having some time out to grieve and make decisions.

I was so upset for you and your DH when you lost your baby. It must have been so hard for you especially what with everything you went through and all those hospital stays.

I think you are an exteamly brave and courageous person and your decision to adopt a little Chinese child is wonderful. There are children all over this world who need a loving family and I have so much respect for you. You sound like a very caring and loving person and whoever you adopt will be the luckiest child.

Will you still be going to the support groups? I was wondering how Sam was getting on as she hasn't posted since before her EC before xmas. I hope one day to meet you as we are not too far away from eachother.

Take care Becky and I look forward to seeing your progress with the adoption. I am glad you had a quiet time in France with your DH for Christmas and spent some real quality time together.

Lots of love Dagny xxx
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Postby Lisa Ch » Sat Jan 17, 2004 10:49 am


just wanted to echo what Dagny has said, all the best for the adoption I hope everything goes through as quickly as it can. I know you and dh will bring so much love and happiness into someones life, do you want a boy or girl? and the child will be really special to have found you both.

Take care and let us know how you get on

With love Lisa xx
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Postby Alison » Sat Jan 17, 2004 11:02 am

Hi Becky - welcome to this side of the board! I too am really sorry you missed our little get-together last week. It was a really lovely evening, but we're planning to do it again some time soon so look forward to meeting you then.

You sound like you've got yourself ever so together very quickly, and its exciting to be making plans. It was Luce who was exploring the more to life thing (and I think she'd also had Hong Kong connections - but perhaps you've explored that before?)

I'm feeling really positive at the moment about life without the whole IVF palaver. Mind you, I have been spoilt rotten! It was my birthday last weekend, but DH had arranged to work, which I was pretty pi**ed off about. But then he'd arranged with my best friend for the two of us (me and my friend) to go to Paris for the weekend - on Friday night I was presented with my birthday card with two tickets for the Eurostar for the next day! And then we're off skiing next week. So there's not been too much time to think. Just at the moment I can't even face the thought of phoning the clinic to make a follow up appointment, let alone actually going there, and I'm enjoying being able to make plans for the year without having to think about where my cycles will fit in.

Anyway, its really good to hear from you again, and keep in touch, love

Alison x
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Postby Grace » Sat Jan 17, 2004 12:58 pm

Hello Becky

Good to hear from you. Had been thinking of you and dh. What a terrible time you have been through. It is only natural that you will have difficult moments it is all part of the healing process.

Really good news about going ahead with adoption. I remeber you talked about it before. It is true there are so many children in this world of ours who need good parents like you and your husband. I know a lady who lives in Dublin who has a 3 year old chinese daughter. She is a single woman, so the process took longer than for that of a couple. Her daughter is absolutely beautiful and they are so happy, seeing them together you think yes this is right, this was meant to be.
I did read somewhere that there are government proposals for shortening the time it takes for overseas adoption and also there has been speculation that there will be more support for prosepective parents.

As Alison said pity you missed our night out. It was really lovely but we will do it again soon so will meet you then.

I am fine, still not really sure what direction to take in a way. I suppose just taking time out in someways. We are talking alot about adoption too though. Sometimes I feel I never want to go through another cycle again and actually feel okay about it, and then again there are other days when I feel I must go on. All very weird really.

Take care Becky and keep in touch.
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Postby Traci » Sat Jan 17, 2004 6:50 pm

If you have a meet up again Can I come :) would love to meet up with you all , I live in Oxford

Trace x
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Postby beckym » Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:17 pm

Hey guys - thanks for your support. Went for our follow-up meeting with Mr T on Friday evening. Quite difficult actually being at the clinic as it brought back memories of that 6 week scan. He really didn't say anything which would convince me to go through it all again - basically next time I would have to drink even more water to avoid the ohss!!! Feel at least by having the meeting we have drawn a line under it all. If any of you are thinking about adoption, there are loads of well-run support groups out there which is great. I now have a whole directory of people that have either gone through overseas adoption or who are going through adoption at the moment that I can ring up and meet etc!! Still in a bit of limbo re work as I will need to be quite flexible to fit in all the training and assessment days for the adoption process so can't really launch back into a career or anything but feel I ought to be earning some money. Ho hum, never easy is it? beckyxxx
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Postby Amanda A » Fri Jan 23, 2004 5:47 pm

Hi Becky,
Sorry that you found your visit to the clinic tough, I guess on the positive side, it may help to give you more closure with them? Maybe??!

I would be really interested to know about the adoption support groups you found and the directory because I have been on the net but not come across anything other than quite general info. Any help getting us in the right direction would be great.

We had some test results back this week. We had a baby girl with a chromosome problem, even after the PGD testing! They only test for the most commom chromosome problems and the chance of this coming up was less than 3% - why us!!

Anyway, I am starting to think that our embryos are all full of petty nasty stuff that I wouldn't want to inflict on a baby. Adoption is looking more and more likely.

Take Care and hope to talk soon.

Love Rach XX
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Postby Traci » Fri Mar 12, 2004 8:08 am

I was thinking of you yesterday and thought I would just pop over here to say Hello . How are you getting on ? any further forward to adopting? or have you thrown yourself into work for the time being? I am currently having acupuncture and my last reading of FSH was 3.8 the lowest Ive ever had and he said yes I could start a cycle there and then but yes you guessed it he did a scan and found 2 cysts and told me it wasnt worth it , Ive only had 1 cyst ever in my life why this month eh!!! oh well it is expected that nothing ever runs smoothly for us girls.

Hope you are well and that you have some good news for me .
Trace x
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