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message for Lou

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message for Lou

Postby Grace » Thu Feb 05, 2004 10:41 pm

Hi Lou

I have been thinking of you, as I know you went back to the Lister at the end of Jan. How did it go? I hope it somehow made things clearer for you. All these decisions are so hard and so wearing are n't they?

Things okay here, well they are n't really we had some very bad news as my mother -in-law died last week...awful!! we had our ups and downs but was still very fond of her in my own way. Everything is strange and just trying to be strong for DH.

Anyway just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and all the other girls too. Will be in touch soon.
Love
Gracexxx
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Postby Alison » Fri Feb 06, 2004 3:54 pm

Hi Grace - I was really sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. It must be a difficult situation to handle, supporting DH and dealing with your own emotions.

Lou, as grace has said, hope you came away from your follow up feeling decided about how to move forward.

I've not even wanted to phone the clinic to make a follow up appointment yet. I keep telling myself that I should, as it'll probably be a month before they can see me, but I just feel that as soon as I phone I'll get myself caught up in the whole thing again, and at the moment I'm still enjoying too much not having to think about IVF. I am seriously considering not bothering with the remaining 2 frosties, but obviously won't make that decision yet, as I guess I may feel differently in a few months.

My other bit of news is that I've asked to take 2 months off work in the summer before DH starts his teacher training course for us to go away. Plans are still vague, but we're thinking in terms of driving through Europe, possibly to Greece, to stay there for a month or so, and then driving back.

Lucy, Jen, hope you're doing OK, and Lorraine, Becky and the other regulars on here who I've not (yet!) met.

Alison xx
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Postby luce » Fri Feb 13, 2004 4:10 pm

Afternoon girls

Just popped in for the first time to post since I went to that More To Life meeting. Much like Alison, I have been enjoying not thinking about IVF - although of course it does creep into thoughts and conversations more often than we'd like.

Louli - how did you get on at the Lister? We're thinking about you. I really hope you're making some progress towards treatment.

Alison - fab news about the 2 months off in the summer, it sounds brilliant. I hope work agreed to it, and I'm sure you'll have a blast. Keep us informed of your plans so we can all be jealous.

Grace - sorry to hear about your mother in law. Hope you have found the strength to help dh through it all. It can't be easy.

Jen - where are you and what are you up to girl?

As for me, well, I have been either (a) attempting to positively get on with life or (b) am sticking my head in the sand, depending on whose opinion you listen to. Unusually for me, I believe it is (a), and on the good days I am relieved that all that uncertainty is over. On the bad days of course it's another story, and there are certainly lots of those. I went to visit my parents yesterday as Dad tells me Mum has been having a hard time, and it transpires that she feels guilty about our infertility (WHAT?) and wants to make it better. She has been quite depressed about it apparently. Selfishly, all I can think is that if she feels that bad, how the hell does she think we feel...I should probably be more understanding, but Pete and i are trying to get through this together and at times that's hard enough, without having to help someone else through it too. Am I being too selfish ladies?

Not much else has changed - still working part time, although that ends in mid March. I have been offered a full time job elsewhere but am not sure I want it....part of me feels I should climb back on the full time horse, but the other part has got used to part time and the freedom it buys us as a couple at weekends. I am therefore (admittedly) sticking my head in the sand about it and not worrying about it till mid March in the hope that I have a bolt from heaven to tell me what to do.

We are off on hols again next week, and we're planning another later in the year. On the plus side we can now plan ahead again, and go to places where I might not have gone had I been pregnant. We are also symbolically selling the sensible car we bought in case we were successful, and are buying something much more irresponsible! All very superficial stuff, but it does serve to give us something to look forward to and work towards.

I'll stop wittering on about myself now (have recently become paranoid that I've become more selfish since all this if stuff), but will end with a suggestion - how about another meet up? I don't mind where or whether it's a week day/weekend, but how about sometime in the last 2 weeks of March/first 2 weeks in April? Any takers?

Have a happy Valentines Day everyone - if you're not spoiled by your hubby, spoil yourself!

Love and hugs
Luce
xx
xxx
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Postby louli » Sat Feb 14, 2004 9:33 am

Hi! Girls,
I have not been posting much as life has been a bit full on. Thank you so much for thinking of me Grace. I hope you and hubby are coping ok. It is tough enough dealing with one loss (infertility) without having to deal with two.
We went back to see Marie Wren and she basically does not think there is any point in us trying another cycle with my own eggs. Naturally, I am gutted about this and although I suspected that we would not succeed there was always a glimmer of hope. I am now doing a monitored cycle in preparation for egg donation, although that may not happen until June/July.
I have handed in my notice at work and Nick will be doing the same soon. We have sold our house and bought one in Dartmouth and hope to move just before Easter. I will then have to go back to being the major breadwinner and probably travel a bit to get enough work. Nick is thinking of retraining to be a surveyor. We are soooooo excited about moving to the Westcountry and despite all the added pressure of organising the move and solictors, surveyors and estate agents, I feel that we are doing something positive to change our life.
We are going to go to a Donor Conception meeting in London in MARCH and I hope that will provide us with lots of help from other donor conception parents.
Alison, your plans sound great. I am a great believer in taking time out!I hope that you can arrange it with work. Do you have to hurry to make a decision on the frosties? - if not just take your time and enjoy as much time with Julian as poss.
Luce, sounds as though you are doing well. I guess I am in no hurry to go back to full-time work but if it means we can actually live somewhere lovely then I am fine with it. Know what you mean about the car thing - we have just had to change my 10 year old "jalopy" because if anything breaks on it it could cost 1/3 value of the car to fix! and all the time I could not help thinking that we ought to buy a sensible child friendly car - which we have done but should I have opted for something more adventurous and then changed it if we are lucky enough to succeed in our child mission! Symbolic, yes and an example of just how far the issue pervades all one's thoughts and actions!
Well, I will let you know how I get on with the monitored cycle. I am currently doing the dreaded sniffing. I had a cold when I started and it certainly makes my nose run. How long after the sniff before it is ok to blow?!!!
I think that is quite enough of my ramblings. Nick and I hope to move the week before Easter so not sure whether I am up for a London get together but I will try.
Thinking of you all,
Lou
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Postby jen » Sat Feb 14, 2004 2:19 pm

Hi Girls

I haven't fallen off the face of the planet, I guess I've just been a bit lazy in posting. I just don't get a chance to even look at the site at work and then just slob out in front of the telly in the evening. But it doesn't stop me thinking of you all.

Grace, I am really sorry to hear about Rob's Mum passing away, I'm sure you're taking good care of each other. Are you any closer in your decisions for the future?

Lou, you've really had your hands full. Really gutted that you didn't get the news you wanted from your follow up. I hope that all this positive change will include lots of good luck too, you sound like you've got a good plan. I'll be thinking of you in March for your appointment. And best of luck with the move.

Alison, sounds like you'll be having the best summer of all of us. You're dead right, time out for you both and no pressure to make decisions. You'll be able to make us jealous with your plans when we meet up again.

Luce, being happy about your own life is not being selfish. I think you're both very brave and honest and the most important thing is both of you being happy. I envy you being part time - you get the best of both worlds that way. I'm hoping I'll get the opportunity to go part time at work, even having just one extra day off would do.

Well with me, we've got our follow up next Thurs 19th with Mr T at the ARGC, if he isn't there then I'm going to cancel it. I know we'll definetly try again, maybe April, May time I guess.

Would love another meet up, we're off on hols the first week of March but I'm fine for end of March or early April. And this time I will be enjoy the wine with you.

Traci, Becky, Rachael hope you'll be able to make it too and anyone else.

Love to all of you and hope you've a nice rosemantic evening.

Lots of love
Jen xxx
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Postby Alison » Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:27 pm

Oh fabulous - you're all still there!! Luce, Lou, Jen - hello again!

Luce, I know exactly how you mean about not being sure whether I'm doing really well or have just got my head in the sand. Since Christmas 95% of the time I've just felt so much better thinking that I'm not going to have to go through IVF again. But then occasionally it creeps up on me again - I was reading an article in the paper on the tube the other morning about this couple who'd found some "secret" which meant that their IVF worked after however many unsuccessful attempts (can't even remember what the secret was now - I've got v cynical about whether anything makes a difference) and found myself virtually in tears on the Victoria Line! And I'm having to make a conscious effort to have one or two nights in the week when I don't have a drink, but I don't think I'll need to join alcoholics anonymous just yet!

Jen, let us know how the follow up goes and whether you actually get to see Mr T. I've always requested him (all 5 times!) and never seen him. That might spur me to actually phoning. I don't think there's any real hurry about the frosties - its just that next month they'll have been in the freezer for a year, and I'm worried if I haven't made contact they may chuck them out. (I do, deep down, recognise this as a completely irrational worry, but you know how it is sometimes!)

Lou, sorry that the news wasn't what you'd hoped about using your own eggs, but so glad to hear that your move to the West Country is going well. The discussion about the car also was very familiar. We too bought a very sensible saloon a few years ago in anticipation of baby seats, and have discussed changing it for something slightly racier. Mind you, with Julian re-training as a teacher I think the most appropriate thing may be a clapped out 2CV!

My boss has agreed informally to be having the time off in the summer. I need to get something in writing, but I don't see that being a problem. We bought an A to Z of Europe last weekend and have been doing a bit more plotting about how we might spend our time, which is all quite exciting.

Anyway, I would absolutely LOVE to meet up with you all again before Easter. I'm pretty flexible, so does someone else want to go first with suggesting some dates?

Much love to you all - it was such a lovely surprise to come on this evening and find messages from you!

Alison xx
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Postby Grace » Mon Feb 16, 2004 3:25 pm

Hello Girls

So good to hear from you all and catch up with all of your news. I do think of you all very often and it is even better now that I can have a picute in my head of you. Thanks for all your kind words re Mother-in-Law. Yes, it is a difficult time. She really used to drive me mad at times but I was fond of her and it is so strange that she just is n't here any more. It is a very hard time for Rod, and am just glad that I can be some support to him. I lost my own Father some years ago and know how difficult it is loosing a parent. We will be fine though it will just take time.
Lou, I, like the other girls am really sorry that you won't be able use your own eggs again. I know it must have been very hard hearing that. Really pleased for you though that you are moving, I remember you saying how much you wanted to when we met up. I have to say it is also exiting news that you will be able to do your donor cycle in the summer. You must let us know all about the meeting in March and also the monitored cycle...hope the sniffing is going well!!!
Luce, I know what you mean about good days and bad ones ... sometimes I feel like I am sticking my head in the sand too and then the next day feel I am coping, it is hard. Part-time or full- time issue is difficult too. I work part time now but am sometimes tempted to go back full time mainly because the extra money would be nice and also I have these crises moments when I think what the hell am I doing with my life!!!- no baby, no career etc etc. On the other hand Rod often works strange hours so it is nice that we get that extra time together so I suppose in many ways it works for us and that is what counts. Enjoy that holiday you two!!!
Alison, hope you enjoyed the sking trip??... your plans for the summer sound fantastic too. The whole freedom thing really has to be looked at as a huge positive for us, does n't it? I was reminded of that on Saturday morning as I climbed back into bed with my really good book and a cuppa. Such a simple thing yet so enjoyable.
Take your time you will make that phone call when the time is right for you. Sounds like you are doing really well actually.
Jen, best of luck with your follow up on Thursday. Will think of you. I hate follow ups, but they are a necessary evil I guess. Hope you have a lovely holiday too. Glad you will be able to join in on the wine this time, it must have been hard the last time.
I think we will try another cycle but I have no idea when really. I am trying not to think to far ahead at the moment to be honest. I do know I am letting go of the dream though. I remember when we used to talk about when we had children, then it was if and now when we make plans it is usually about just the two of us. I don't mean that in a negative way either. We are talking alot about moving to Ireland. It probably won't happen for a few years but we hope to do something like renovate an old farmhouse and have a few acres etc. I will probably end up some sort of daft old woman with loads of dogs!!!
Talking about daft women... what about Thursday 25th March for a meet up?? To be honest this is just a suggestion, though and we can work something out to suit everyone. It would be great if Becky,Traci and Rachel could make it too.
Has anyone got any other dates in mind??
Love to you all
gracexxx
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Postby Amanda A » Tue Feb 17, 2004 8:48 pm

Hi All,

Really nice to log on and find your conversation and catch up on all your plans.

Grace, sorry about your MIL, must be very hard to deal with on top of everything else. These things bring couples together but also put a real strain on relationships too. I am really sorry for you and Rod.

Alison, your summer plans sound great! really positive stuff!! I didn't realise that you had 2 frosties. I never had anything good enough to freeze and I get the impression that the ARGC are not keen to freeze, so they must be good ones?!

Lou, sorry about the news re your eggs, it's hard to come to terms with news like that. I think that the follow ups are awful because you have just about managed to get back on some sort of even keel and then reality hits you again like a kick in the teeth doesn't it?! How many attemps have you had and how exactly did they come to that conclusion about your eggs?

Luce,
I think that you are def not being selfish re your mum, you and DH have enough to cope with your own emotions, I am sure that anyone would see that you cannot be expected to try and help someone else!

Jen, thought that you would have a follow up soon, as mine was last Fri, hope Thurs goes well, let me know.

My news is that we had our follow up on Fri and Mr T says that it looks like we are producing a high rate of abnormal embryos (hence the 2 m/c and high number of abnormal embryos with the PGD screening last cycle). At this stage he cannot tell us if it is the egg or the sperm at fault but has said that if we are prepared to keep going, he thinks that we would eventually produce a normal embryo to transfer and get me pregnant. We asked about donor egg/sperm but as we don't really know where the problem is, he thinks it is too early to move onto donor. He also thinks that although donor could get us a result more quickly, as we are early thirites we can afford to wait a bit longer (not so sure that I can or that our finances can take it!!).

At the moment I am totally confused as to what to do. One minute I think we should carry on, the next that we should get our names down for adoption and put an end to all this uncertainty!

My other news is that we have a new chocolate labrador puppy!! She is called Ruby and she is 9 wks old and a real handful. She is so sweet but I am hoping that my perserverance with the training will pay off sooner rather than later. I have just cleared up yet another wee on the front door mat!

I would really love to met up in London. I am in Ipswich, an hour away from Liverpool St and would prefer to do a daytime if possible. I am not working at all, so any day is o.k. with me. Thurs 25th March sounds fine Grace.

Lou, I would be intersted to know more about the egg donation conference in March, good luck with your monitored cycle.

Love Rach XX
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Postby luce » Thu Feb 19, 2004 10:55 am

Hi girls

Just popped in to wish Jen good luck today - hope you get Mr T!

Rach - Ruby sounds gorgeous. She'll certainly keep you occupied for a while, until you figure out what to do next.

Grace - know what you mean about the simple things that remind us that life isn't always as bad as we think it is!

Lou - really sorry to hear about not being able to use your own eggs. It is good they are putting you through a monitored cycle ready for egg donation - at least that way it feels like you're doing something. Fab news about the move too, bet you're excited!

25th March sounds good to me too. I don't mind day or evening (or both!) as I don't work on Thursdays.

Will be disappearing until early March on hols now. Take care of yourselves
Love
Luce
xx
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Postby Alison » Sat Feb 21, 2004 8:50 pm

Hi, just a quickie to say that 25 March suits me too, although evening would be better for me as I am working, but if that's difficult for others I'll take a half day or something.

Love to you all - Rachael, good to hear from you again.

Alison xx
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Postby jen » Sun Feb 22, 2004 2:11 pm

Hi Girls

25th sounds good to me too - I will be working but should be able to finish earlyish that day but I'd say 3pm would probably be the earliest I could make. If you meet earlier I can just catch up with you all a bit later.

Had the follow up on Thurs and did manage to get Mr T which was a good start - our first consultation with the man.
He sounded positive as we did manage to get pregnant and he thinks it's my 'environment'!!!

Basically something to do with the NK cells, although I'm borderline, he thinks its what they produce in me that's doing the damage. He wants me to have more of the Chicago blood tests (not the full lot again, just about 2 of them) and depending on the results, he will give me some new drugs that I've to take for a month before even starting the treatment, more blood tests and then go for treatment. It will be another very expensive treatment but we're going to give it another try, not sure when it will be but I reckon the earliest for treatment will be around May.

Rach - you never know we might cycle together if you decide to go again.

Had a really bad day last week when I met a girl I trained with who was pregnant. I was ok when I found out but then at the end of the conversation I asked her when she was due - middle of August!! exactly when I would have had our baby. Just had to run to the loo and have a big blubbing session. That hasn't happened before and I really thought I was ok - a lot better now though.

Off on hols next week so may not be posting for a while but really looking forward to the 25th.

Take care
Love Jen xx
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Postby Amanda A » Wed Feb 25, 2004 5:28 pm

Hi Everyone,

Hope you are all o.k.

Just had words with DH over Ruby, can't imagine what we would be like with kids!!!

Just a suggestion but maybe a Sat lunchtime meet up would better suit both those who have work to think about and people with train rides??

What do we all think??

Love Rach XX

P.S. We are going to a puppy party tonight at our vets!!!
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Postby louli » Fri Feb 27, 2004 4:04 pm

Hi Grace, Luce, Jen, Alison and Rachel,
Glad you are all there, 25th March would be great for me as I am not at work that day and it will be before we move house - easier to get to London from Portsmouth rather than Devon!!
Still on my monitored cycle and back up to London for scan on Monday and then I guess it is time for the dreaded pessaries!! Endo has been really bad. It had all seemed to die down after the big op last year but I think it is creeping back as last two cycles have had horrible pain not just during bleed but for a week afterwards. I know it is not right but not sure that there is anything that can be done except to take more pain relief. I did mention it at follow-up but I don't think they are that interested in anything outside the "get you pregnant remit"! Well, with impending move and hubby away for 10 days with work I should have enough to keep me occupied.
Hope we can all meet up again soon,
Lou
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Postby Grace » Sat Feb 28, 2004 2:34 pm

Hi Everyone

Hope you are all okay. Is n't it freezing? I just can't seem to warm up.
Hopefully the 25th is looking okay then. I can do the afternoon too if it is better for everyone. What about Alison, would an afternoon be difficult for you though??
Sorry you are having a hard time with the endo again Lou. Sounds really horrible. There seems so little anyone can do and it must be terrible being in all that pain. Good luck with the monitoring.
Well not much news from here. Must get off my bottom now and walk doggie, will have to wrap up warm.
What about a venue for our next meeting? Shall we stick to the same place or does anyone have any other ideas?
Will be in touch soon
Love
Gracexxx
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Postby Alison » Sun Feb 29, 2004 3:25 pm

Yup, I can do the afternoon of the 25th too - I'll take the afternoon off work. Just let me know where/when.

You're right about it being freezing. Julian is out in the car this afternoon, and I had a long dilemma about whether I was desperate enough for chocolate to do the 20 minute round trip on foot. I am now happily working my way through a 200g bar of dairy milk!

I don't really have much to report. Julian and I went out a couple of weeks ago for a "date" in town - something we don't do often, and while working our way through the second bottle of wine started talking to each other about all things IVF related - something we hadn't talked about since Christmas. He said he wasn't sure he was quite ready to give up on the idea of us having a family somehow (whether through adoption, trying more fertility tmt or whatever) but just at the moment didn't want to think about it and was enjoying focusing on other things. I think that's probably more or less where I am, but wouldn't want to consider doing anything about anything til we're back from our summer travels.

Other than that, been keeping pretty busy, but its feeling less like "issues avoidance" and more like how I like life to be. Work's quite hectitc but going well, I'm playing a weekly game of squash (just as well given my chocolate consumption!), and had a friend who now lives in Oz to stay a couple of weekend's ago.

Really looking forward to seeing everyone again.

Much love

Alison x
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