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where's the sun gone?!

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

Postby louli » Wed Oct 06, 2004 6:16 pm

Well, hello all of you! Quite a coincidence that I should pop on to the site today and Luce has just posted today as well after quite an absence. It sounds as though we are all still ploughing on through life with plenty of ups and downs. Alison, your trip away sounds like a real tonic. Nick and I have spent a lot more time together since he has been working from home and I am pleased to report that the experience has been great for both of us. I have worked full time for the summer but that contract has now come to an end so I am having to go further afield for work - one of the downsides of moving "out West".
Nick and I had a cycle in April in South Africa and have just completed another one with a shared egg donor in Darlington - only 800miles round trip rather than 10,000! We have failed again! Despite psyching myself up for failure there have still been plenty of tears. This time I had a couple of drops of blood on the day when implantation should have occurred but they were not unduly worried. However, since then there has been some discharge again like I used to get before I had my tubes removed. None of the consultants seem very interested which makes me feel a little like Luce and wonder whether they just keep letting us try again but not actually doing anything to improve our chances, whilst raking in a bit more dosh - oops ,somewhat cynical, perhaps! I have to say that they were v. lovely in Darlington - v. small clinic and friendly. Not sure what to do now. We have some frozen embies in South Africa, but only 4 and may lose 50% or more on defrosting so ?whether worth going all the way out there for that again. Have a friend who has offered to be a donor but she has naturally conceived 3- year old triplets and I am just not sure that I can let her do it as she has so little help and lives in North Devon and would need to do at least 4 trips to Bristol. Still not sure about adoption as feel I am not ready to give up. In truth life has been very hard as keeping in touch with all our friends who have children has become increasingly difficult. My best friend has just been diagnosed with MS and so I DO NOT FEEL ABLE TO LET OFF STEAM TO HER although I did go and look after her 3 kids for 3 days last week which was an interesting insight into the parenting thing.
Sometimes I think that the reason we want it so much is just to make life easier so that we fit into society more easily as without children I feel we are out on a limb. In addition the feeling of failure has not lessened.
Anyway that is enough from me.
Grace, as ever your supportive posts are full of helpful things to say. Have you decided on a fresh attempt? We have not got a dog yet but I know how much pleasure I get from our cat!!
Jen - are you checking in every now and then? I think it could have been Jen that had a really bad experience immediately after ET when they were travelling home and got shunted by another vehicle although it was on the other message board and I might have got that wrong. If you are reading this just to let you know that I felt for you. All the effort that goes into one cycle and something so quick can possibly ruin it all.
Rachel, so sorry to hear about your news, so near and yet so far. However, you are still young! I had my 40 th in Sept. but we did not celebrate as it certainly did not fill me with much enthusiasm and anyway I was at the beginning of a cycle and so had stopped virtually all drinking!
I am going up to London next week on Friday 15th Oct. but am pretty busy. If anyone was around, I could maybe catch up with you v. early evening/ late afternoon on the Friday but I know this is short notice. Have so enjoyed both the times we have all met up.
Anyway, I guess that about brings you all up-to-date. I know it will happen for at least one of us soon - surely??
All the best to all of you out there,
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Postby Alison » Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:32 pm

You're like buses you lot - nothing for ages then three turn up at once! Anyway, its absolutely lovely to hear from Luce and Lou again after such a long time. Lou, so sorry about your unsuccessful cycle - I think however much we try to tell ourselves we don't really think it will work we wouldn't put ourselves through it if we didn't think there was a chance.

Like Luce, I'm very aware of the impending anniversary of a year since last time. It is immensely wierd to be back at the ARGC. Lots of new nurses/ administrators but the people who I knew and liked from before have been absolutely lovely. Monitored cycle was fine, but even after that wasn't sure whether to go for it this month til I got my period last week and decided what the hell, let's get it over with. So this week I've started down-regging and HRT (!!!) for a controlled frozen embryo cycle. I have no idea what the protocol is - just know that I'm injecting once a day and taking pills twice a day and need to go back on Wednesday. Am assuming that transfer (if either of the frosties survive) will be in a couple of weeks or so, but so far I'm successfully managing not to worry too much about it. My experience of the FET last summer was that it really was far less involved than a full cycle.

Lucy, how can you say there's not much to report when you're training to be a paramedic?! I do hope you passed your test! I must have missed all the stuff about Mr T and the money - you must tell me about it!

Amanda, glad that thinks are seeming a little better - it always helps to have your other half around.

I agree with Lou and Amanda that it would be great to meet up, and I'm around next Friday when Lou is in London and could be in central London by 5pm if that's any good? Who else?! Looking forward to seeing you ALL!


Alison xxx
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Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2002 12:48 pm
Location: London

Postby ogr1 » Fri Oct 08, 2004 12:28 am

oh my gosh it is so great to here from you guys.

it sounds like you guys have been very busy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
it is great that you have started again alison!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have to get back to the bon fire we are roasting hotdogs
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
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Postby Amanda A » Mon Oct 11, 2004 5:22 pm

Hi Everyone,

Yes, yes, yes, I could do this Friday and 5pm would be a really good time for me too (or earlier if anyone else is going to be around before then).

I had already planned to see my sister for the evening (Darren has abandoned me for the states again this week!) but I can stay around until 7pm ish and ask her to met me wherever we are going to be.

Lucy, it's great news about the paramedic training, keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Lou, really really sorry that you had another disappointment too, look forward to seeing you again.

Any other takers & will we do Browns again????

Love Amanda xxxxxx
Amanda A
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Location: uk

Postby Grace » Mon Oct 11, 2004 6:15 pm

It has been so lovely hearing from Luce and Lou. Do think of you all so often. Hope Jen is doing okay too.
Really sorry as would have really loved to see you all but I can't make it this Friday. Just one of those things, but I am sure we will do it again as I have found the support from you girls so fantastic and has really kept me going at times.
Luce, I think a year is n't really a very long time considering all you have been through. I think it is just fantastic about the paramedic training. How did the test go? You may think you have n't moved on much but I really think you are moving on because otherwise you would n't have felt ready even to apply for this. I do so hope it all works out. The maths bit sounds mega scary to me though I am truly awful at anything mathematical!!
Lou, so sorry. I just can't believe the bad luck of it, but I think you were fantstic to go again so quickly. I know what you mean exactly about wondering if they just want to keep you going for the huge amount of money we part with. I am now Mrs sceptical and cynical too with a capital S and C.
I can also indentify with the birthday thing, I really hate my birthdays now. I am hoping one way or another it won't always be like that though.
It does n't sound like you are ready to give up yet though Lou. All I can say is I would n't let the age thing in relation to parenthood bother you too much. My mother was 43 when she had my youngest sister. She is a fantastic mother and my sister and her are very, very close.
I really hate that feeling of failure too, I know it is not logical but I do think I have "issues" (as the americans say) about the whole thing. I don't mind not fitting in as much now. We are a bit different as a couple anyway with the age gap etc so I suppose I am beginning to feel like... sod it, if other people have problems with childless couples then that is their problem. I do know what you mean though about the endless chats about schools and nurseries and giving birth etc someimes it makes you feel like an alien!! I may be a bit mad but I ofen find that people who are not the "norm" so to speak or have led lives that are a bit different from "the usual" are often the most interesting of people. That is just my personal view though.

Alison, delighted you have gone for it, so to speak!! well done. You sound like you are taking things in your stride and pretty relaxed. You know I will be thinking of you alot over the next few weeks.

Amanda, hope the counselling you mentioned was good? I have never been, well, only to one session a long time ago. I would be interested to hear how you find it.

Oh, I really am so sorry that I won't be seeing you all this time. You can be sure I will be there in spirit though.
I am fine. Like most of you it is now a year since my treatmeant too. I can't believe where this year has gone. We are going to try again, I am beginning to feel better about it now. Maybe leaving it this long has been a good thing psycologically but who know how I will react physically. I am sure it has been the right thing though. I am not sure when I will start jabbing again maybe before Christmas or just after.
With much love to all of you
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