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Hi, I'm new

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

Hi, I'm new

Postby RobynV » Fri Dec 02, 2005 12:53 pm

I've read a lot of your posts and know that all of you are pretty close. I hope that I can jump in.

DH and I just finished our 3rd IVF cycle. 2 fresh and one frozen. It did not work and I do not have the strength to do it again.

So now here we are in limbo and I don't know what to do with myself. I know that DH is not big on adoption, so not sure if it will be an option.

I'm planning a cruise or something for us to enjoy life without IVF, but where do I go from here?

Any suggestions?

Nice to meet you all!
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Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 12:49 pm

Postby Alison » Fri Dec 02, 2005 5:50 pm

Hi Robyn, and welcome. Very glad that you have jumped in. Not sure whether you are in the UK, let alone in/near London but if you are and are around then you'd be very welcome to join Grace and me next week (see "catch up" thread). Obviously if you're in the US that may not be particularly practical!

Its two years (pretty much exactly) since I did what I thought was my final cycle. As it happens I've got back in the game twice, once with a final frozen cycle where the embies didn't survive the de-frost, and a final, final go this summer which didn't work out (3rd bio-chemical pregnancy). People have taken different approaches though.

As you'll have worked out for yourself there are no easy answers. Like you, travel and time out have helped me. DH and I were lucky enough to have two months off work 18 months ago, and that was really important to get our relationship back on an even-ish keel. Whatever your circumstances I'd advise trying to have some short-term "treats". I'd also try not to worry too much about making big long term plans for the future. If at some level you've always wanted/ expected to have children, I think now its not reasonable or realistic to expect that a few months on you can have a fully formed "plan B" whether that's adoption, being child free, changing careers, travelling or whatever. However, its taken me a long time to realise that, and I think while trying to come to terms with not having children its really difficult to avoid feeling that you should instantly have some alternative life plan. I think 2 years on from properly facing up to the prospect of not having my own children I'm now finally coming to terms with not knowing exactly what's in store, but believing that there might be positives as well as negatives.

Well, I've rambled enough, but lovely to meet you and do let us know if meeting in person may be possible. Love

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Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2002 12:48 pm
Location: London

Hi Alison

Postby RobynV » Fri Dec 02, 2005 5:54 pm

Unfortunately I am in the US, but would love to travel to the UK some day, so maybe we'll meet up after all! :)

I think you are right about not trying to figure out my life right away. I only got the negative answer on Wednesday, so it really just happened.

I know that I want to plan a cruise for April and am looking into a weekend getaway for the month of December.

I'm glad that you replied and hope to continue to hear from you and others. I think this board will be good for me as I'm the one who is watching everyone else get pg!

Talk to you soon!
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 12:49 pm

Postby Grace » Sat Dec 03, 2005 12:12 pm

Hello Robyn
Sorry to hear your recent treatment did n't work.
It is early days for you and your husband, so all I can say is be gentle with yourself as you will have good days and bad days. Sometimes you think you are moving on and then it seems from nowhere you will be hit by the pain again.
It is now two years since I had my last treatment cycle. At that time I thought I would perhaps keep trying a few more times. However, as time went on I just knew I could n't put myself through it anylonger. I seemed to have lost myself in the very treatmeant itself and was living from one cycle to the next. We went through six cycles and I just felt I had to stop even though it was a really painful decision and part of me wanted to keep on going. Something deep down told me it would never work for me and I just had to let go.
Two years on it is still hard at times. A few months ago we started to look in to intercountry adoption and we are hoping that eventually we will have our longed for family. This is not an easy road either so we will just have to see.
This is a quiet part of the site but I would say to use it whenever you need to as it really, really helped me to know that other people could really understand the sense of loss and grief I felt. I promise in time you will feel more positive and begin to see that there are even some advantages. All of this has made me a much stronger person and I suppose I do appreciate the good I have in my life.
Best wishes to you and your husband and keep in touch.
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