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New & Decided To Say Enough Is Enough

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

New & Decided To Say Enough Is Enough

Postby emsloon » Tue Mar 14, 2006 11:46 am

:( Hello everyone,
I am new here after making the decision to stop chasing the dream. My history is me 38.5, DH 42 have been trying to conceive since 2001. Fell PG in 2001, but had Ectopic & emergency surgery due to rupture, lost left tube & remaining one irreversibly damaged. Were told to see consultant if not conceived in 6 months. Went to consultant to be told IVF only chance. Had 3 full cycles, first 2 NEG, 3rd one POS, but miscarried at approx 7 weeks. Had 3 frozen embryo transfers all NEG. Part of me feels it was the clinic I was with, seemed more interested in money than results. There's no reason for us not to fall PG, all tests good, DH's wrigglers excellent, sailed through the drugs & stims etc, embryos remained same quality after thawing, they just didn't want to stick around when implanted. Anyway we have had a couple of years break, as just didn't feel like going through it all again for a while. We have one embryo still in storage, which we are going to use, even though chances are miniscule of it working, but better to use than to destroy & then we are going to call it a day. We've been very lucky, my mum has funded most of the treatments & she is happy to pay for more, but it's not what we want. We have been told by our Primary Care Trust that we can't have treatment on the NHS due to all the attempts we've already had, so that made the decision for us. I'm quite glad that the decision has been made for us, it makes it easier to call it a day. We are lucky in the respect that we have my DH's 3 year old Nephew living with us every weekend & holidays & has done ever since he was 3 months old, so we are privileged to have been able to experience all we have with him. His mum & Dad were only 16 when he came along & she's not maternal & needed help, hence why it just became every weekend, it works well for all of us, although we definitely do not look at him as ours or a substitute for ours, that would be unhealthy. We are very lucky that we have had lots of friends & family offer to carry child for us, but we don't want to go down that road, too much money & too much involved, I couldn't ask anyone to do that for me. DH doesn't really want children anyway now, just thinks the world is a terrible place & just getting worse & doesn't want to bring a child into it, although he will support me on the last embryo & if I fell fine, but to make it happen he does not want to do.
I think once the final treatment is over I will probably grieve for a while, but then I'll be fine, it will be a relief to finally close that chapter & move on.
There is one question I would like to ask, as I want to make sure I have tried all options & that is do you think it would be worth me having the dye test to see if it helps to open my remaining blocked tube incase I could conceive naturally? part of me feels that the Consultant didn't suggest this at the time as it was his profiting clinic that I would be referred to for IVF.
I would be interested to hear from others about how they came to the decision to call it a day & how they have found it emotionally.
Sorry for waffling on & I look forward to your responses & wish you all the best of luck in your journeys.
With luv
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri May 28, 2004 9:54 am

Postby DebraP » Thu Mar 16, 2006 6:32 pm

Hi there, you sound remarkably well balanced and sane! There is a thread directly beneath this one called an almost identical title. My longer answer to when to call it a day is in there, but in short I've not known when to stop and expect tomorrow to have a blighted ovum confirmed at 8 weeks pg. This means of our 8 tmts, 7 went ahead (one thaw failed) and we've had 4 +ve results but only one baby. The +ve hit rate is good but we've not managed to get a pregnancy past 7 weeks for 3 years now. We've 2 frosties and that's it, we're exhausted and don't want to put ourselves through this any more. All our tmts are self funded as I'm over 38 which is the state support cut off here (I live in sunny Norway).

To answer your dye Q. I don't think having a dye test will help open your tube as you suggest. I think it only shows whether or not the tube is open and maybe to what extent(?). If you could get this done quickly (privately I assume) it might be another consideration in that you could decide to ttc naturally for x amount of time and leave fate to decide what happens next whilst still going ahead with a single frostie FET.

I wish you luck.
Me: 44, DH: 31
Game Over.
Dates: Aug 02 - May 06
Tries: 5 fresh + 4 frozen.
Results: 1 daughter, 2 m/c, 1 ectopic.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 2784
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2003 4:40 pm

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