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For Grace & Alison

Discussion forum for those who had completed their IVF treatments without a successful outcome and are seeking other options such as adoption, surrogacy etc.

For Grace & Alison

Postby Amanda A » Fri Jun 16, 2006 2:47 pm

Hi Girls, hope that you are both o.k. I know that we don't post much anymore so you may not get this for ages but I think that it is nice to stay in touch so.........

Our news is that we are def adopting from China and start our prep course in Barnet on 26th and hopefully our homestudy in July.

Generally I feel gradually better about life in general and focus on the fact that in 2 years time we will achieve our dream at long last! I still have angry moments and times when I lack confidence which I think is an IVF legacy for me.

Grace I think you were moving to Ireland at some point? I also thinkg you may be on the China route too?

Alison, I know that you looked into domestic adoption but felt that it looked tough? Where are you at?

Hopefully hear from you at some point. Think about you often still!

Lots of love Amanda x
Amanda A
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Location: uk

Postby Alison » Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:24 pm

Hi Amanda, how lovely to hear from you and to hear your news, and that you're feeling much more positive about life.

Its a real coincidence seeing you post on here as I'd just popped in on my way to an adoption board where I was considering posting about my experience so far of the adoption thing, but having seen you posting I'll post here instead as I'd much rather have views from old friends than people I don't yet know.

Anyway, we have also just started the adoption process. Before the preparation group we had to do a one day course which was basically to check out you were "over" your infertility, and explore your feelings about it. As you can probably imagine, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, and Julian was positively dreading it, and questioning why it was necessary. Well, I won't bore you with the details, but basically Julian got quite grumpy during the day and questioned why we needed to do some of the things we did, and the social workers are now coming to see us at home before the next bit to "follow up on some issues that emerged during the day". I am now a stressed mixture of worrying they won't let us do the next stage, cross at Julian for not playing the game, and annoyed at social services for one or two bits of the system. Most of all I feel back in that powerless position, where I had been feeling that I was starting to take control of my life again.

Sorry for the slightly whingey post - if you'd caught me a couple of weeks ago life couldn't have looked better, but this latest development (I only heard about the SWs wanting to come and see us last week) hsa given me a bit of a dent. I think you're probably right about the confidence thing - a while ago I'd not have given this meeting a second thought and just thought, "fine, we'll explain how we see it, and everything will be ok", but I can't help going into worst case scenarios.

I've got Grace's email address so I'll cut and paste these and forward them on, as I'm not sure how often she checks in here. I'd private message you my email address but am not sure how to do it - but can pick them up if you would like to send me yours. Would be great to keep more regularly in touch as we move on to the next bit.

Lots of love

Alison xx
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Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2002 12:48 pm
Location: London

Postby Amanda A » Mon Jun 19, 2006 9:37 am

Hi Alison,
What a nice surprise to hear from you so soon but sorry that you are feeling out of control again, I can understand what you mean by that!

We had an initial interview with a social worker around Feb/March time, I guess it lasted 2/3 hours maybe. We both came away feeling slightly annoyed at some of the things that she had said and since talking to many other people who have been through the process, I understand that this is normal. To be honest it is unlikely that the social workers have ever experienced infertility themselves and I also suspect that many are not very well trained in the topic or just advised wrongly.

One of the things that our lady said was that she was surprised that I had not looked into working in childcare instead of choosing to start a new career in complementary theray! I was really quite put out by this until 2 other women told me that they had been told the same thing! I honestly think that they are just given standard lines to say and that generally part of their strategy is to give you a bit of a hard time to see how you react!

Many people I have spoken to said that they simply as you say 'played the game' with the social worker, smiled sweetly and did not get uptight but this is easier said than done at times! I certainly felt like I was back at school during our meeting, the social worker was the teacher, I was very much in child mode! I guess this is probably why Julian didn't like it so much!!

I think from my point of view, having now spoken to other people and knowing that a lot of what they say is very general and not personal, I will try not to let it get to me.

It sounds as though you spent longer discussing the infertility issues than we did as we really only had a meeting lasting a few hours and covered other bits of the procedure as well. I am sure that if we had longer it would have been more difficult and I expect that quite a number of people do have issues with what is said and end up with these vists, so I would try not to worry too much, again I know this is hard. Have you and Julian spoken about how you will play it when you see them? I guess they may be looking to see if you are both on the same wavelength.

Feel free to post anytime and let me know how you go.

Take Care, Love Amanda x
Amanda A
Posts: 160
Joined: Sat Jul 26, 2003 7:44 pm
Location: uk

Postby Amanda A » Mon Jun 19, 2006 9:49 am

Hi Alison, just to let you know that I have sent you mya email address under private message so I hope it o.k.
Amanda A
Posts: 160
Joined: Sat Jul 26, 2003 7:44 pm
Location: uk

Postby ogr1 » Mon Jun 26, 2006 12:58 pm

hello you 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hope the adoption goes fast for you..

when the SW came to our house and talked with us we where made to feel more like a learning experience and that we where to ask questions.
it was really nice....
make sure you let us know what happens.........................
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