Starting over after M/C

[Hope644]

I noticed there aren't many current posts in this area. I hope that means that we have a lot more success stories out there. I truly feel for all of you who have been through this kind of loss. It is more difficult than anyone can imagine until they've experienced it themselves. My sister has had 4 M/Cs and I am only just beginning to understand her pain.

I just found out that I miscarried yesterday at my 2nd U/S. Apparently the baby stopped growing sometime last week and did not have a heartbeat yesterday. Doctor was surprised, as the hb was really strong 2 weeks before and everything appeared to be right on track.

I'm doing ok, I think. Grieving, going through moments of tears along with moments of just "blaa". I'm not feeling especially great... I've had no bleeding whatsoever and am scheduled for D&C tomorrow pm (thank God I don't have to wait thru the weekend).

I feel like I need to start looking forward, toward the next cycle, to help to bring myself out of this funk. My dr said we could begin our next fresh IVF/ICSI cycle in Feb or Mar.

I want to ask about embie transfer numbers. My dr has said from the beginning that she's fine with 2, but will try to talk me out of 3. This was fine with me, in the beginning. Her reasons were that I have no history of infertility (DH had vasectomy), I'm healthy and 34yo. So she saw no need for more than 2. However, in speaking with my acupuncturist during my last cycle, he said he would have transferred 3. Now that I'm about to begin thinking of my 3rd cycle, this is a more appealing option to me. I know there are great risks associated with multiples, esp more than 2, and I know I couldn't do "selective reduction"...

My thoughts are that I've had 2 failed IVF attempts. In both cycles, I had 7 good-to-great quality embies. 1st - 2 excellent quality, transferred both, neither "took". 2nd - 3 excellent quality, transferred 2, 1 took (both day 3). In both cases, I had zero blasts that made it to freeze. It's not that we're not getting good results, but doesn't it say something about the true quality of the eggs/embies or me that they don't seem to want to continue to grow???? There seem to be a lot of folks out there who have the option of FET. I just wonder why mine don't seem to make it.

Well, that's my deal... if anyone has any experience with lack of frozen embies, wanting to transferring 3, etc... I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[Grey]

Hi Hope,

I know just where you're coming from. I had a missed miscarriage in October - went in for my 11 week appointment, thinking all was fine, only to find out that the baby had stopped developing at 7 weeks. We had also seen a heartbeat already - I even remember my doctor saying, "once you see a heartbeat, the chances of miscarriage are dramatically reduced." I also had to have a D&C. I agree with you - I had no idea just how devastating a miscarriage was until I experienced one myself. Things do get better, though - I'm feeling much better today than I ever thought I would a month ago.

I also did not have any embies left over for freezing. Eight eggs were retrieved, 4 fertilized, but only 2 made it to transfer. Hopefully I'll have some more next time.

About the issues of transfer numbers - last time I was terrified of the thought of multiples, even twins. We had decided beforehand only to transfer 2 (although it ended up that's all we had). Now, I'm open to transferring 3, depending on how the quality looks. It's funny how a miscarriage can change your perspective - while the thought of triplets is still very overwhelming, I am not so afraid of twins anymore. I have a limited number of tries (insurance pays for 3), and I really want this to work.

I'm planning on trying again in the Feb/Mar timeframe, too - maybe we can stay in touch. I will be thinking of you with the D&C today. I found getting past that was a big step in the healing process - I hope you do as well.

Take care.

[Hope644]

Grey-

Thank you so much for responding. I'm sorry to hear that you've gone thru this as well; it is comforting to me to hear your story.

One thing that has kept me encouraged is knowing there is another chance. Unfortunately, due to my DH's vasectomy, insurance doesn't cover anything (except, oddly, his sperm aspiration, go figure). Our clinic has a shared risk type of program, that I'm sure many others do as well. I am grateful to have 4 more tries on this program, tho we're taking it one cycle at a time. I'm so glad to hear that you have more cycles available to you thru insurance.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and I am confident we will meet up again after our next cycles after the new year - with GOOD news! ***POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND HUGS TO YOU***