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Need Advice, Waiting to Miscarry...

Forum for those who have lost their babies through miscarriage, neonatal or stillbirth.

Need Advice, Waiting to Miscarry...

Postby Hoekey » Wed Mar 05, 2008 2:14 pm

Has anyone else had to do this? I went for an U/S yesterday and my baby has died. The RE wants me to miscarry naturally, and I guess that I am okay with this. However, I am really scared. I am afraid of the blood loss, the pain, and what I may actually see. I do not want to see anything that looks remotely like my baby and this is a real fear of mine. I am also afarid to go out of the house for the fear that it will happen so suddenly and I will miscarry in a public place. My Dr. said that I would have A LOT of blood and large clots for a couple of hours and to prepare myself for that. Much more than any regular period.

What I really want to know is how severe is the cramping and pain, and will I have any notice? And is it possible that I will have to see anything that looks human?

Here is a little background. I had a clot at my first U/S and was put on baby apsirin daily and light duty, but not bed rest. When we went back for our 2nd U/S at 8w4ds the baby measured the right size but there was no longer a heartbeat. The clot was not the cause, most likely a chromosone abnormality. By the second U/S the clot was 100% gone and the placenta for the baby looked good too. This is very encouraging news because it means that my uterus was in very healthy shape to be able to absorb the clot and continue to grow a baby that was not viable. This is what my RE is telling me anyway. Does this sound plausable?

Any advice would be appreciated, and I apologize if this churns up some unwanted memories.
Thank You

P.S. After reading so many of the posts here it sounds like most women who MC have a D&C, and that their Dr. recommends it. My Dr. has a very different opinion. I myself would rather have the D&C and not be put through another gruelling wait. I also read that natural MC bleeds for days and days. My DR. told me that I should only bleed heavily for a couple of hours. What am I to do? Should I demand a D&C? Of course, my husband had to go out of town for business for the next five days, it could not be avoided. So I am here alone dealing with this and I don't know what to do. I am terrified to leave the house for fear that I will start to MC in a public place.
Me 37, DH 38 Morphology
2 DD from previous marriage 14 & 17
IVF #1 w/ ICSI 6/07= BFN
IVF #2 w/ ICSI 10/07= BFN
FET #1 1/08= BFP but MC @ 8 weeks
FET April 20 (Last try), 2010, BFN
Posts: 153
Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2007 9:29 pm
Location: Holland, MI USA



Postby gori » Wed Mar 05, 2008 7:03 pm

Really sorry to hear about your m/c. Some of my friends miscarried at that early stage & as far as I know, it passed naturally. I don't think you would see anything remotely human [how cruel is this!!]. I know it can be nerve-wrecking. Hang in there!!
TTC 4+ yrs; male factor
3 IVFs - 2 unsuccessful; 1 m/c at 12 weeks
1st ICSI BFP!! Single Embryo Transfer
Beta 14dp3dt 1,250; Beta 21dp3dt 13,500
First u/s on Jan 8 - one cute heartbeat :)
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2007 1:57 pm

Postby Hoekey » Wed Mar 05, 2008 8:00 pm

I called my Dr.s office this morning because I could not sleep last night with the fear of what is going to happen and not knowing. She gave me a very detailed description of what is to happen. I will not go into detail because I don't want to disturb anyone. I think I will hold out as long as I can handle it for the natural process. I know that if a D&C is done right that there should be no lasting effects or scarring. But I just do not want to take that chance if I can handle it. I will be trying again once I have my body and mind back in shape to do so.

Thank you all for your kind words and stories. God Bless you all.
Me 37, DH 38 Morphology
2 DD from previous marriage 14 & 17
IVF #1 w/ ICSI 6/07= BFN
IVF #2 w/ ICSI 10/07= BFN
FET #1 1/08= BFP but MC @ 8 weeks
FET April 20 (Last try), 2010, BFN
Posts: 153
Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2007 9:29 pm
Location: Holland, MI USA

Postby riogirl71 » Wed Mar 05, 2008 9:31 pm

You are a very strong woman Hoekey, I wish you the best and a BFP for you and a healthy baby on your next cycle!
me 39 + DH 46 low mot - chemo
#3 IVF Lost one twin at 8 wks
#2 IVF May 2010 Ectopic
#1 IVF
Valued Contributor
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Joined: Sat Dec 15, 2007 12:10 am
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Postby wishuluck08 » Thu Mar 13, 2008 1:37 am

Hi Hoekey,

Sorry to hear about your loss. _ You always encourage everyone else

Here's my story

My RE advised me a D&C would not be necessary. On February 28th we went to have an U/s which showed a black hole. The RE give me an option to continue the meds and hope or stop meds and naturally miscarry.

I know there was no hope for the pregnancy so I stopped the meds. On March 1st I felt fine in the morning - went shopping etc. By Saturday afternoon I had pain that hit me like a TON of BRICKS. At that point I started to miscarry. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. I was calling GOD/Singing/Praying all in one breath. From Saturday to Tuesday I felt horrible. Just to let you know you will experience pain in your back. I returned back to work on Wednesday March 5. Until this very day I'm still bleeding a tad bit. I'm still considered pregnant because my hcg levels is still above 1. I'm hoping my final appointment will be on March 21 so I can close the chapter on this and move to the next. I did consider a D&C but my uterus has already taken a beating I didn't want to have more scrapping.

DH & I are going to Cabo San Lucas in April so I will start the next chapter after we return. My family is telling me we should adopt. My friends are saying don't give up. So we will do both at the same time. It will take atleast a year before an adoption is finalized so it is a long

Hang in there. Maybe we will be cycle buddies again.
2 BFN 04
FET - BFP 2/7/08
Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
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Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:49 pm
Location: chicago

Postby Melo_P » Mon May 19, 2008 1:39 am

Hi Hoekey

I am glad to read your post. First of all, I am so sorry for your loss :cry:

I am also in the same unenviable position - with a scan at 9 weeks showing the heartbeat had stopped :cry: :cry:

I am also very scared about what is going to happen. I can't face the thought of all the intervention of a D & C. There has been so much intervention already over the years, and at least I have had the positive hope that has made it all worth while.

I have been waiting a week, and nothing has happened. Doctor said upto 2 weeks. I don't know who to talk too – not many people know I am pregnant – certainly no one who has been through a miscarriage themselves.

I hope you are feeling Okay. I am crying as I write this post (sorry not wanting a sympathy vote here!) just feel so sad and haven't really been able to let any of this out.

I am kind of curious to know what your doctor said to expect - my own re just kind of said it would be a heavy period - but with the baby being over a cm and a 3cm pregnancy sac - am kind of wondering how this is possible?? :cry: :cry:

If you wanted, you could post me if you didn't want to share graphic details on line.

Hope your doing okay.

Me: 36 DH: 40
* 8 transferred embryos from 3 Fresh IVF cycles and 3 FET that failed (2005-2009)
* 1 M/C 11 wks FET (May 2008)
* Blessed DD born 08 Nov 06 from FET.
Posts: 185
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 8:46 am
Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Postby JesJes » Mon May 19, 2008 9:02 pm


I am sorry for your loss and am no help for your question. I naturally mc at 6 weeks and delivered my twins at 22 weeks.

My advice to you is that you need ot mkae sure they blood test the hell out of you. When I lost my twins, I had blood clots galore and they found out I have a blood clotting disorder. If you have one then they can put you on blood thinners right away next pregnancy. Good Luck to you!

Posts: 310
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2007 6:09 pm

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