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miscarriage after 2nd IVF, heartbroken but somehow hopeful

Forum for those who have lost their babies through miscarriage, neonatal or stillbirth.

Postby karenvancouverisland » Thu Mar 05, 2009 3:32 am

hi natasha. i'm so glad you reached out to me. a loss is so incredibly hard, i feel for you right now.

when i had my loss something within me kept telling me to persevere, although this didn't take away my extreme sadness and grief. so when you say you're ready for the next stage- i hear that familiar determination.

please don't give up, as today, i'm starting to look like a success story. i'm over 20 weeks pg. and found out today that it's a boy. it was such a shock to hear them say that- it actually made it REAL.

i wish you all the best, and big hugs and sending you hope right now. karen
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
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Postby natashamom » Thu Mar 05, 2009 4:31 am

Karen,

Wow!This is real good news!!

I`m so so happy for you.
You`ll have a little boy!

Do you have other kids?

I`m really happy for you but may I suggest that you please don`t tell everyone yet,I was so happy and everybody knew and now I lost my precious baby,so this is just an advice.

Losing a baby,especially at my age,when you have to use technology and lots of $$,it`s so hard.

But as you know,I`ve got my plan and hoping to fulfill it soon!

Again,so so happy for you.

Take good care of yourself and you can email me to my private email address:uflower2000@yahoo.com

I understand you`re from Canada,I`m from France and have family in Montreal and a friend here in AZ that`s from Toronto,it seems to me that Canadian are more like European and I love it!

Hope to hear only good news from you!

Hugs,

Nat.

(my name is Natalie but wrote Natasha,but in short I`m Nat!!)
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Postby nidhi » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:12 am

Hi all,
When I was reading about the pain and greif you guys had gone through, it felt like I am not alone!! And when I read the success stories, I feel that I also have hope.

I had IVF#1 cancelled due to low response. Was week-8 PG from IVF#2 (FET) last week. But the scan last week showed no heartbeat. It was the most heartbreaking news I have ever had! Could not sleep for last few nights. Cannot look at my husband's face! Today I had a repeat scan, and same report!! I am told it is a missed abortion. The doctor said 'we have to get rid of it', 'it' which was supposed to be my baby!

But I won't give up. I am already gathering all my hope and courage for the next round. I am already 39 and we are not rich enough to keep going for long. At least for these two reasons, I desparately need some luck this time. You guys helped a lot.
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Postby natashamom » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:52 am

nidhi,

so sorry for your loss,doc`s can be so insensitive.

I`m wishing you all the luck for next time.

Natasha.
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Postby karenvancouverisland » Fri Mar 06, 2009 5:46 am

hi nidhi.. i'm so sorry for your loss. i hope you read my original post, as our histories are the same...my second IVF i got PG and had a missed miscarriage not discovered til week 12, but had passed at week 8.

so i'm now 5 months pregnant after my 3rd IVF. so hope exists. we were recommended to move to donor eggs, but i just wasn't ready yet.

i took DHEA (hormonal/ steroid supplement) for 2 months prior to my 3rd IVF stims, and i did respond better to treatment (produced 10 follies, 7 mature, which was a huge improvement from having 2 follies my 2nd IVF, and only 1 on my first, cancelled IVF. my clinic did not agree with this, but i did my own research, and as someone with limited funds, i decided to do it. the NY center for human reproduction uses DHEA alot and has much info on their website.

i'm sorry to get technical on you during this time of grief, but i also remember finding hope in new ideas. i also was very grateful that i'd been pg at all when i miscarried, it gave me hope that i could get pg again.

take care and be gentle with yourself, this is a great loss and you will move through it. karen
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
feb 21 hb 154
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Postby nidhi » Fri Mar 06, 2009 6:10 am

Thanks Karen. I really needed some support. Specially becoz we are not sharing it with the families and friends. And DH is a very quiet person. I felt so lonely. Don't even feel like crying!

I heard about DHEA. I'll have a look. I am ready to do anything that helps boost my chances next time.

Natasha - thank you too.

I had another thing to ask you guys - how long should I wait before the next cycle of IVF? Doctor said 6-8 weeks. I like my current RE, however, I had a bad experience with the previous one. She kept me on clomid for 2 yrs, when she new that I was approaching 39. So for any decision now on wanted to learn from people who went thru this.

Love.
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Postby karenvancouverisland » Fri Mar 06, 2009 6:34 am

my first OBGYN kept me on clomid for a ridiculous amount of time before referring us to a fertility clinic, i'm still resentful for that. as far as next cycle after m/c, i was told after i had 1 normal period. i waited for 2 periods to pass which gave me time on DHEA.

it's not my place nidhi to tell you what to do, but for me, telling people i had m/c'd helped me go through it. i hated the illogical shame and embarrassement i felt with telling people about my infertility, but i got so much support that it was better to deal with that shame than try to go through it alone. much love karen
38 yrs. DOR, TTC since '04, recommended DE but didn't listen
3 IVF's & 1 FET: 1 cancellation, 1 m/c @ 12 wks, 1 chemical, 1 miracle boy & miracle 'natural' PG right now while waiting to cycle (WTF?)
feb 21 hb 154
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Postby Sara30 » Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:11 am

Hi nidhi, natashamom

Sorry for your losses, I too went through the same just before xmas, mine was also with DE Nat,

Nidi doctors can be very insensitive when they talk about missed abortion and removing 'it' I was the same this is my baby you are talking about to me my baby was already a little person growing inside me.

I echo what Karen says about the DHEA definately worth a try.

I am just waiting for FET next week, so I waited until I had one normal period and then started again, there is no hard and fast rule about when you can try again.

Good luck to you both...........

Lee
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Postby bdantonio » Fri Mar 06, 2009 2:20 pm

insensitive is a nice way of saying what dr's can be. I am sorry for all your losses i have had alot myself.
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Thank you

Postby JBird » Tue Apr 21, 2009 5:45 pm

These posts have brought me some optimism and faith -- at a time when I really need it. Just had a M/C over the weekend -- was 4 weeks along with 2 embryos. All looked fine on Thursday -- hormones were through the roof, lining was thick, could see the little guys on U/C. Two days later I started bleeding and cramping.

This was our third loss -- M/C after trying naturally 3 years ago, ectopic pg that had to be removed April last year, failed IVF in July last year and now this. Have 2 frosties which we'll look to implant next month (if they survive the thawing process).

Have found it VERY HARD to be positive or have any faith that this will work out, which is completely counter to my personality. This whole process has drained me in so many ways...

...which is why to here stories like these -- especially silverangel, stir that glimmer of optimism that's lying very low in me somewhere. I try to think that my age (33) and the fact that I've been pg 3 times now are good things, so hearing your "i've been pg before; i will get pg again" line really helps.

Anyway, thanks for this and CONGRATS on your twin boys. Wow -- what a dream that would be!
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