Thanks girls, the kind words do help.
Mellie- It sucks, no other way to put it. I am considering all possibilities for how to move forward. We will consult with RE on Oct 27, but they said they are leaving it up to me for what comes next. Really what they mean is it is up to my wallet. It really is sucky that 2 wonderful parents like ourselves are denied an opportunity to love another child b/c we aren't rich.
I have to consider my options, but also consider at what expense to dh and I and Ella. It seems the best option is for me to find a job with medical benefits. We would keep my husbands insurance, but I would get insurance just for myself through my new job. If I find a job that has a different company than anthem for insurance (that is what dh has) then due to hippa lawas the new company can not inquire to whether or not I have had ivf, and I would get 2 more tries under the state of CT mandate. There are also a lot of school districts here that offer more than the mandate and give unlimited benefits, but good luck finding a teaching job right now when everyone is laying off.
So I guess my best option right now might be IKEA. I have a ridiculous amount of retail experience, my MIL and a couple good friends already work there and they offer benefits to part timers too. So I am thinking work the bare minimum hours so I don't need to find child care for Ella, work a crummy no responsibility job like cashiering, my paycheck will probably cover my healthcare premium, but I will get 2 more tries. I have a feeling with this option I will need to wait at least 3 months to even get the coverage, and I read somewhere that some places make you wait 12 months until the IVF coverage kicks in. My MIL is trying to find out all the details for me before I apply.
Dh will probably go through TESE again (poor guy, 3rd time), but if we want a chance for the future, we need to get sperm now if there is any left.
Once we finish paying off the debt from this try, I would also consider financing another try, but right now, we just can't afford another monthly payment. I am not willing to let my marriage struggle by forcing us into money troubles. I want another badly, but if Ella and my husband are all I get in life, then I can't complain. They are wonderful and I am so lucky to have them.
So I really don't know at this point. I am mad that we still owe money for this last try and put out $10,000 for nothing. That money could have gone to Ella somehow, but if my outcome had been different I would be saying money well spent, so I can't be mad we tried.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know you girls understand. I have a lot of support from family and friends but they really don't understand, they try to suggest options that just won't work. Like my aunt says to me this morning, "just have lots of sex, miracles happen everyday, I know people who went through IVF or adoption and then got pregnant naturally." I try to explain to her that it does happen, but that it is not possible for us, and her response it, "anything is possible." I mean, I am not going to pull out Todd's medical records to prove to her it is not possible. I know she is trying to make me feel better and give me hope, but like I said, most people don't get it.
Me- 28 DH- 33 Male Factor
1st IVF- 12/07- BFP! Ella Michele was born 8/26/8
2nd IVF- 04/09 - BFN
1st FET- 09/09 - Chemical
3rd IVF - 04/11 - Embies didn't make it to ET
4th IVF - Fall 2011??