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Need some advice from parents after IF....

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Need some advice from parents after IF....

Postby jys » Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:16 pm


I am here seeking some insight/opinions from parents who know all about IF, IVF, FETs and so on.

I have a beautiful DD from IVF #1. She is now 18 months and we have been scheduled for a FET to go for number 2 this cycle.
For some reason, I am struggling immensely with the decision to go for it, even though we had already put of off longer than planned.
On one end, there are many many things going on right now in our lives that make me feel we are not quite ready for number 2 to join us just yet (should the cycle work). Each reason individually may not seem like a big deal, but added up together they all start having weight. Part of me feels that we should hold off for a few more months to have more optimal conditions to start trying.
On the other hand, I learned the hard way the first time that babies don't come when you want them to and I am paranoid about making the same mistake twice. We already delayed this FET a little longer than planned initially but for good reason. Delaying it even longer seems to ring my alarm bells that I am trying to "plan" way to much and should just go for it.

We have been given extremely high chances of it working (50-60%) which is very high for a FET I think. But it makes the decision that much tougher in a way because it is a high chance and I feel that we should wait a little bit more for the right time and do it right.

I know if I list all the pros and cons for our particular situation, the post will be huge, but suffice to say, timing wise things might work out more ideally if we wait a few more months (too many huge life changes going on both right now and at the time the baby would be due). On the other hand, maybe I'm being stupid for waiting for stars to align better and should just do it?

What were your own experiences when going for number 2? Did you feel ready and would you have started trying (esp with a FET) if you didn't feel completely ready?
What was your experience and stories?
As it stands we will have 27 months between DD and #2 if we go for it and the FET works. I am also a little concerned from having heard that its very tough with this age gap the first few months, esp since it will fall at a pretty hectic time for us.
I don't doubt that in hindsight everything will work out, but should I give it a few more months to feel more ready?
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Postby TwinMommy » Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:13 am

I have not tried for # 2 yet but I have a little advice. (Well, my opinion) You will never be ready for #2. There will always be something going on to where you think it is not the right time. Sure, it will be hectic but when will it not be? I think the younger they are (closer together in age) the easier because the further they are the harder it will be when they are older. (My sister and I are 5 years apart and are not close as I would like to be). We will be doing #2 FET when the girls (twins) are 3 years. They will be almost 4 years when the other baby(ies) are born. I am only spacing them like this because I had to go on bed rest and want my kids to be in preschool if I have to do this again. Twins are really close as well so I want them to be old enough to help with the baby and know exactly what is going on. This is my plan at the moment. I know I may not wait this long but I am afraid of having twins again and I need the girls to be in school if this happens.

Anywhoo, there is never a perfect time to get pregnant with #2. Your chances are great which is awesome! I hope my chances are that great as well. Money will always be tight, there will always be something going on. And you are right, you do not know 100% if this is going to work right away and you already waited longer than you wanted to.

You have a feeling when you know it is the right time. So if you think it is time then do it. Of course, my opinion.
Me: 25 PCOS, BFP 1st time with twin girls!

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Postby kholtan » Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:59 am

I agree a lot with twinmommy. Timing is never going to be perfect. We have 17 month old twin from IVF. Then "BAM". . . surprise baby #3. We were on teh fence about a #3 to begin with but the econd we found out it changed our hearts and our minds completely.
Our children will be almost 22 months apart. Yep, it will be nuts! I had hospital bedrest with the twins and delivered early so that could happen again. All I I DO know is that we will make it all work. One crazy day at a time with as much love as we do it with now.

Follow your heart. . .
Me 35, DH 35
Ectopic Oct. 2005
IVF transfer 1-21-07. . .TWINS!!!!


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Postby JamieP » Thu Feb 05, 2009 4:34 am

I am a Mom of 2 children from IVF and have another on the way and think it depends on lots of things. Firstly your age! If you have time to wait then it is not such a big deal but if time is tight then I think it is silly to wait. If you wait you also need to be prepared for the fact that it might not work on the first round and then your wait will be even longer. I think more often than not there is not a good time to have a baby - it is hard to plan it perfectly and sometimes you just have to go for it and know it will turn out the way it is supposed to. I guess it also depends on just how badly you want more children because if you have to do a fresh cycle no matter how old you are now as time passes your chances diminish.

Good luck with your decision.

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Postby bella-s » Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:43 am

This post couldn't have come at a better time for me! I am mum to my beautiful DD who turned 2 in December. I wanted to try our FET towards the end of last year, but many things were happening in our lives, so we decided to wait a bit. I just got a BFP on Tuesday from my FET.
The night before the transfer, DH and I were up thinking about whether we were ready for #2!!! Even though last year I thought I was 100% ready, once you get close to the time, it brings up a lot of other thoughts. DD wont be the only gem in our universe (feelings of guilt and loss), I can't even keep up with my laundry now, how will I cope with another...etc etc.

Basically, I think these are normal second pregnancy feelings, and not just related to IVF. We have to put so much more thought into the conception that we just go through this earlier than other couples.

Good luck with your decision!

#1 -ve severe OHSS
#2&3 FET both -ve
#4 1 blasto - BFP! Lucy Bella born 3rd Dec 06
Jan 09 - FET...BFP!

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