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My FET just failed - does anyone have any tips on only child

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My FET just failed - does anyone have any tips on only child

Postby caz22 » Wed Feb 22, 2006 10:09 pm

Really gutted - knew the chances were slim but none of our 4 frozen embryos even defrosted. Which we were told all along was really unlikely, so pretty shocked and upset.
It was such a one off to even get our baby last time that I think we will have to call it a day now.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom on only children - am so worried that our child will be lonely without a brother or sister.....or has anyone read anything they would recommend. Am a bit desperate!

Sorry for moany email

Take care all
Cazxx
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Postby beck » Wed Feb 22, 2006 10:19 pm

hello caz,

i have a son jack is 2 1/2 now from ivf.

i did the frozen eggs in oct 2004..and sadly the same happened to me..i had 3 perfect eggs in the freezer and i did everything the sniffer spray and the hormoane tabs ect and the dat of egg transfer i got a call saying 2 had died and the other had abnormalities and wouldnt recomend going ahead....so like you i was gob smaked !! especially when i was never told to expect it.

after a few wks i asked my dh if we could try again and he was a def no no...but as the months have gone by he has changed hes mind and we are going to try one more time hoprfully june time..

all i say is give it time and you never know whats going to happen.

as for the only child buiness...i never wanted jack to be an only child but if it has to be then ill give him everything i can....i really dont know what i can say to help but everything is raw for you and i was just the same...crying for another child ect...but time has healed and im now positive.

so try and have time out for a while ... you deserve it.

beck xx
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Postby caz22 » Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:07 am

thanks so much for your reply. Its weird how its almost as bad this time as when it failed the very first time I tried and I had no child. Couldn't love my baby more and I'm so lucky to have her but I would so love a sibling for her. My husband keeps nsaying "imagine how bad it would be if we didn't already have a baby" - which is a fair point but it doesn't really help at the moment! I know he's right though. We are so lucky. And I know in my heart of hearts that she has as much chance to be happy as an only child as she would if she had a sibling, but.......its putting away all thosde baby clothes for the last time that hurts so much!
Thanks for your reply Beck and so much luck in June
Cazxx
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Postby Juliana » Thu Feb 23, 2006 12:49 pm

Hi Caz,
I am so sorry that your FET failed, I can imagine the devastation comparing it with the time our embryos just did not attach. All this roller coaster with such an abrupt end! I think it is terrible when it happens whether you alredy have kids or not, it is all the hopes and dreams we invest in a cycle.
But please please do not worry about your daughter being an only child so much. It is not a disaster. I speak as an only child who has never missed love or siblings somehow, just was happy being close to my mother and of course grew up without competition which is bad I guess but one can learn to share in so many different ways! Nowadays friends are so important for many of us, even more so than families, so there is no need to think that your daughter would be lonely. Now as it happens I speak as the lucky mother of two, but if we had not gotten our twins through our second IVF but one child I can honestly say we would not have made another try to have a sibling - partially because DP hated all of it so much (we are different from men I sometimes think in how far we would go for a child). But apart from being very lucky to have my precious twins, I really think there is nothing wrong with having just one child and they can be as happy as any child from a big family. and.. to be a bit flippant about it - all that my two lovely angels do at the moment (17 months) is fight with each other (for toys, for mama etc.). they sometimes really cause me to doubt the wisdom of the idea that siblings help each other. I guess it will happen one day but all I see now is that little people can be real egoists. So maybe your daugfhter will enjoy growing oup with all your attention... and maybe still you will try again. I hope you can recover and not worry about your daughter...
love,
juliana
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Postby Mags » Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:43 am

Hi, I am a only child and had a fab childhood, I was never a loner and my mum always made sure I mixed with other children, I have a fantastic relashionship with my mum. I alway wanted to have just one child because of my childhood, I was so luckey to have twins and still count my blessing everyday.

I have a close friends who I have known since childhood and tend to treat them like family, but I can say hand on heart being an only child is a good experiance.

Mags
xxx
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Postby caz22 » Mon Feb 27, 2006 11:37 pm

Oh guys thankyou so much - thats JUST what I needed to hear!

I feel a bit better after a tough few days. What will be will be I guess. We might try again but to be honest we only got sperm last time froma frozen sample and I don't know of we would get any next time from a fresh sample as things might ahve deteriorated. Anyway - we'll see

Thanks again SO much. Your twins are very lucky to have such lovely mummies :)
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