Is anyone trying for number 2? Am a bit desperate.....

Forum for those who have undergone successful treatment, and wish to share their experiences of parenthood.
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Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2006 11:12 pm

Is anyone trying for number 2? Am a bit desperate.....

Post by caz22 » Sun Apr 02, 2006 1:09 pm

I have one beautiful miracle child thanks to ICSI. I thank god for her everyday - but am DESPERATE fora sibling. This is very unlikely to happen. I can't seem to get past it - I feel gutted when friends tell me that they are PG with number 2 (like I did when they told me they were PG before I was). I just feel really down about it and worry for my only about loneliness etc. Everytime I put think away that have been outgrown my heart breaks!
HAs anyone got any words of wisdom - I'd be so grateful - feel I can't really talk to anyone....DH doesn't really understand and I feel that I can't talk to friends who are PG with number 2or have 2 as they'll feel all akward around me.
Thanks SO much...........general question too.........our issue is male factor- would anyone ever consider using a donor for number 2 if they didn't for number 1, or do you think it would just be too hard for the children not to be full siblings, ie EQUAL? I just don't know....

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Location: Lancashire

Post by Susie » Sun Apr 02, 2006 8:04 pm

Hi Caz,
I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same last year so we agreed to have just one go at ICSI to try for number two and luckily it worked. The feelings for me when I was broody for number 2 were much stronger than before I had any children as not only did I want a baby this time, but I also wanted a brother or sister for my DD.
I dont know about using donor sperm, but I think it wouldnt matter too much, after all many people have 2 children to 2 different fathers dont they? Is it not possible to use your DH's sperm this time, as the only problem I could forsee is what if your DH saw the donors child any differently to his own.
Anyway, good luck and I would advise trying for number two but it is much harder having early morning scans and going thru the 2ww with a little one in tow!
HTH Susie
Me 37, DH 53 Male & female factor
1st ICSI +ve, a daughter born 2001
2nd ICSI +ve, a son born 2006

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Location: Chiswick, London

Post by bina » Thu Apr 06, 2006 7:45 pm

Hi Caz,
I totally sympathise with you! I went through very very similar emotions, being in the same situation. We had IVF to conceive No.1 (lovely DD Lucy) and then tried for 5 or so months to fall pregnant with No.2 (just the trying in vain brought back so many bad memories...somehow it felt having tried a lot longer than just a few months!) and then decided to go for another cycle of IVF. DH was adamant we'd only try the once, because he hates the process so much (I know...!). Well, we must have been fairly at the front of the queue when they gave out the luck card, because it worked and I'm now 10 weeks pg. Obviously still a very long way to go until I'm home and dry, but at least we got somewhere...
So, obviously every couple is different and only you will know what's right for you, DH and DD. But my DH did need quite a bit of persuading (my main argument was that I did not want to live with the regret for the rest of my life of NOT EVEN HAVING TRIED), but it did work and he supported me fully whilst we were having treatment (Susie, you're so right - it's much harder when having a toddler in tow...). So maybe just think how you'd both feel if you didn't try for No.2? Of course we'd all say we're eternally grateful just to have one and that's still a million times better than not having any. However, the feeling and desire to have a sibling can be pretty overwhelming too and I feel can't be ignored, because you'd only make yourself unhappy. Once you have tried for however long or for however many times at least then you know you've given things a go...?
As far as donor sperm is concerned, I really don't know much about it. Could you try another ICSI? My concern about using donor sperm (and this is only my own personal idiotic perspective) is that the child (if you decide to tell him/her) could search their 'biological' father once they're 18 and I would find that really really scary, because you'd have no idea where this ends emotionally...! (I'm vaguely thinking about donating eggs, if my pg goes according to plan and try to get used to the idea that any children conceived with my eggs would be able to find me once they're 18 and cannot make up my mind how I feel about this...).
Sorry, I'm rambling on a bit.
Hope you're bearing up OK, because there's nothing worse than having lots of friends and acquaintances being pregnant with No.2s (you know how I mean that). I felt awful whenever I heard of another one....even though I obviously don't begrudge them their children at all.
Wishing you lots of strength and emotional support! You know where we are if you need to let off some steam or just share thoughts!
Best wishes,
ttc 2.5 yrs
endometriosis treated May 2003
IVF Apr 2004 +ve: Lucy was born 27.12.04
2nd IVF Jan06 +ve; EDD 30th October 2006 - feeling sooo lucky and praying for a healthy delivery!!!

me 36 yrs; DH 46 yrs

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Post by caz22 » Tue Apr 11, 2006 10:00 pm

thanks so much bina - thats such a kind message.
Yeah - its pretty tough - every day I'm just waiting for more friends to tell me that they are PG. I'm just going to have to get stronger about it.
Yes- we are hoping to try another ICSI - but that depends on them finding sperm via TESE - which in our case is far from easy.

Realistically - if they can't find anymore usable sperm then I think thats it for us and I will have to learn to stop feeling so cut up when other people keep getting PG. I am so so lucky to have my DD -who is the light of mu life!

Now waiting for AF to arrive after failed FET.....50 days and no sight of her so far!!

Congratulations with your pregnancy - how you feeling...are the symptoms the same second time around?

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