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adoption question

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adoption question

Postby Kat » Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:40 pm

Hi

I found something on a website yesterday that basically said if you’re a white couple looking to adopt a healthy baby girl you might as well forget it and try surrogacy or ivf instead.
Now as you can imagine I didn’t find this particularly helpful (especially that last bit!) - is it true? I know when I look at agency websites there are mainly mixed race children looking for mixed race parents, or children with disabilities or other difficulties…
I can’t find the website again now or I’d post their exact words on here.
Any thoughts?

Kat xx
Me & DH both 41
ICSI #1 - abandoned
#2 - cancelled - DH accident
#3 - 1 transferred, bfn
#4 - 2 transferred, bfn
#5 - abandoned
#6 - no eggs at EC
#7 - DE in Barcelona - bfp but lost Dec'05
#8 - DE UK - bfn
#9 - FET Sept/Oct '07....
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Postby Alison » Mon Mar 27, 2006 7:43 pm

I'm not sure I've read it put quite that bluntly, but I think the answer is basically yes. From what I've read healthy babies are few and far between - off the top of my head I think its something like 300 babies a year (under one) are adopted, and quite a large proportion of them will have obvious difficulties e.g. downs syndrome or problems due to the mother's drug or alcohol use during pregnancy. And you're right that there are a disproportionate number of BME and mixed race younger children advertised for adoption. Whether that's because there are more of these children or they are harder to place, particularly if its an unusual heritage I'm not sure.

I guess that children who are in care are pretty much by definitiion "damaged" in some way - even the babies - if they'd had a perfect start to life they wouldn't be in care.

There do though seem to be quite a lot of opportunities to adopt older children (and older can mean anything from a year up - it seems pretty common for people to be approved to adopt one or two children aged 0-5), with a range of challenges/needs as a result of their early life experiences, but not necessarily disabilities as such.

The best site I've found is adoptionuk.com, and the best bit of that is the message boards, so have a browse if you haven't already. The other thing I'd say is that I feel very differently about adoption now than how I did after our last cycle failed last year - its taken a long time to come round to it as a positive way to have a family, which is definitely a different thing to having a baby.

Alison
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Postby ogr1 » Thu Mar 30, 2006 10:55 pm

there are a couple of churches that do adoption.
the lds and i think the chatolic church are the 2 that i know of.
i know the lds church has mostley young mothers that prom night or graduation from highschool night or just left for collage often get pregnant
and put there babies up for adoption. and they are mostley healthy babies. a few of our friends have adopted threw them. my husband and his sister where adopted threw the lds church..
i am not forsure how it all works but it might be worth looking into.

good luck
becky
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Postby Kat » Sat Apr 01, 2006 5:04 pm

Hi
Thanks for the replies.

I have sent off for info packs from a few agencies and have moments where I get quite excited at the prospect of adopting a child. I imagine having a girl of about 2 years old, not sure if I'm just daydreaming or if it will ever happen. I am reading so much about adoption my head is spinning. Some days I am absolutely convinced it is right for us, other days I am really not sure.

My house overlooks a field with horses in it and one gave birth this afternoon and I cried, it was beautiful and it seems so unfair she can do it so easily and we can't. Silly I know...

Kat xx
Me & DH both 41
ICSI #1 - abandoned
#2 - cancelled - DH accident
#3 - 1 transferred, bfn
#4 - 2 transferred, bfn
#5 - abandoned
#6 - no eggs at EC
#7 - DE in Barcelona - bfp but lost Dec'05
#8 - DE UK - bfn
#9 - FET Sept/Oct '07....
Kat
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Posts: 665
Joined: Sun May 04, 2003 5:12 pm
Location: Chessington, Surrey, UK

Postby alice1 » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:48 pm

hi
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Postby alice1 » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:57 pm

HI there, I hardly ever come on this site anymore, but tonight I did and I saw your message and felt I had to reply. Please don;t feel disheartened by what you read about the lack of yonnger children up for adoption as it's simply not true. yes there are lots of older children with needs who desperatley need a family, but there are also lots of very young children who need a family. And yes, all adopted children come with baggage, but with the right family they experience the same love and care and grow as birth children do. We adopted our daughter at 8 months, shes now 2 and the best thing to ever have happened to us. She is just great and everything I imgained her to be. I know of lots of couples who have adopted children under 1. However, we expected to adopt a 2 year old so I think that as long as you go in with an open mind you will get there. The adoption process is testing and relaly does prepare you for thr life that you will soon have.

Adoption is a bizarre process whereby you always wonder about the ifs and buts, but go to the meetings, learn more and go for it. adoption is great so go out there and fly the flag. Dreams do come true.
alicex
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